Friday, December 31, 2010

Family vs. Partnership

Today we had lunch with Michael’s colleague, who mentioned how nice it was to have her nuclear family back together for the holidays as her kids are now grown-up and living elsewhere.

Suddenly, I felt that I could picture the day when Winston is off to college, leaving an empty house behind. Well, the house is not empty, as Michael and I will still be here just like before Winston’s birth. But it will not feel the same as a family.

It was then and there that I realized the difference between a family and a partnership. Before kids, a family is not really a family – it’s more like a partnership. A kid completes a family. After a kid’s departure to college, the family kind of goes back to a partnership. When Winston grows up, one of these days, he will feel that his nuclear family is no longer his parents, but his own family, with his own kids, even though in my view (if I am still alive then), he remains the core part of my nuclear family.

My heart already aches a little bit from this thought...

Goodbye 2010

It is really the last day of 2010 now. I made an “end of year resolution” and how did I do?

No. 1 - I have written more blogs than 2009. Check.

No. 2 – I have filed the lawsuit, which was a cumbersome and annoying process. Ironic that this unpleasant matter could somehow give me a sense of accomplishment. Everyone who has heard my story about this real estate agency has been horrified to learn such people exist. I also filed a complaint with the San Diego Association of Realtors. So check this item as well.

No.3 – I have done fairly well, I think. I lost my temper once, but generally I have focused on things that do matter.

So my “End of the Year Resolutions” worked!

Now can I say a happy goodbye to 2010 then? What major events have happened in 2010?

1) My company was acquired in early 2010, with most people considering it a success, although it fell short of my expectation.
2) Winston turned 1 year old, with a great birthday party hosted by David. And he's looking healthy, happy and strong.
3) We moved into our nice and sunny house near Stanford.
4) I am starting a new company.

They all sound pretty good, but the following happened as well:
1) The nanny who started in November 2009 left all of a sudden in June, which led poor Winston to go through my parents-in-law, my mother, and another 3 nannies in a matter of 2 months.
2) I went through 2 months of househunting in the peninsula area, which was tiresome – that was before we got the Stanford house eventually.
3) My attempt to start a new company right after the first one did not take off immediately, and I was feeling down for a while.
4) The stress associated with two demanding careers and being new parents to a baby boy that seems too perfect to be true have led to a lot of arguments between me and Michael.

Overall, I have come to understand and appreciate what the writer/architect Lin Huiyin famously said, “Life is all about experiencing all kinds of things. We live to experience and feel."In that case, I feel content about 2010.

Right now, as I am writing a farewell note to the year 2010, Winston is fast asleep in his crib for his afternoon nap. He looks like an angel. He is an angel.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Different Perspectives

Since I did not go anywhere over the holidays, I have had some time to watch some movies, mostly on Neflix Instant. I especially liked the two foreign movies which incidentally provided two very different perspectives on World War II.

One is a Japanese movie “Kabei – Our Mother”, based on the memoir of Teruyo Nogami about how her mother raised her and her sister during the height of nationalistic frenzy in Japan when their scholar father was imprisoned for his radical antiwar position. While Japan was the aggressive country in World War II, this Japanese family was ultimately a family of victims as they did not believe in the war.

The other one is a German film “Nowhere in Africa”, based on the autobiographical novel of Stefanie Zweig about her and her Jewish parents escaping from Germany in 1938 to live in Africa for the next 9 years. Clearly, they were the lucky ones, as they did not go to concentration camp as their other relatives who stayed did. Nonetheless, it was also hard for them, being far away in a foreign land without any of the luxuries they were used to before andwithout knowing what would happen to their loved ones left behind. Surely they were victims of the war, although they stayed far away from the war.

All these different perspectives on essentially the same event – World War II – have made me realize that really there is never any justification for war, unless someone has declared war first to take away your happiness, freedom and life, in which case there is no choice. Unfortunately, this position does give the evil side an upper hand, as perhaps was the case with Adolf Hitler. However, had he been attacked first, he might have commanded even more fanatical support from the German people at that time.

I have always been a believer in education, in that more education and more enlightenment might lead people to see different perspectives and therefore prevent tragedies like World War II to happen. But that in itself is clearly not sufficient. When people are desperate, angry or fearful, they lose their reasoning power and look for emotional outlets. And those who were evil enough to prey on people’s negative emotions will almost always succeed, to varying degrees, despite how much history has taught us.

Now that is not a positive note to end the year, so stay tuned – I will need to write an upbeat one to finish 2010!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

A Wet Christmas

I have always believed that Christmas should be associated with snow covered quaint little villages tucked away somewhere in the Alps. That’s what a real Christmas is like. Here in California, however, instead of a white Christmas, we usually have a green Christmas, as the hills turn green in the winter after the winter rains. In fact, as I am writing on Christmas day with Winston fast asleep in his crib listening to the raindrops, it is very wet and very green outside.

Earlier in the morning before the rain started, I took him to the nearby playground and Escondido Elementary School. He was so energetic that he walked all the way to the school and then ran around to almost every corner. His nose was still runny, and combined with the rosy cheeks and that crew haircut, he really looked like a country bumpkin boy!

A friend’s family came to Bay Area from Boston area, where we lived for 10 years before moving to California. They spent a few days in downtown San Francisco, and is staying for a couple of days in Palo Alto. Since the nanny is taking off a few days and I have not cooked for years, I was thrilled to find out that Buca di Beppo is open on Christmas Day. In fact, I had wanted to go to a Buca di Beppo in Bay Area since we moved to Bay Area from San Diego. The one in San Diego is always packed and lively and the food is great.

We met at Buca di Beppo in downtown Palo Alto at 11 am for lunch. It was of course Winston’s first time in Buca di Beppo and I think he was fascinated by those photos on the walls, of Maria Callas, Sophia Loren, Mario Cuomo, Marlon Brando, and of course many anonymous people from decades ago looking so cheerful and so Italian! We ordered a ton of food, including my favorite garlic bread. Winston ate his fettucine with such gusto that my friend could not help commenting on how much he ate. Afterwards, we came back to our house and they had some coffee. Their only daughter is already in highschool, and was looking really bored, after almost 2.5 hours of listening to things that she did not care about. Her phone also ran out of battery, so she wanted to go back to the hotel so that her phone could be charged. Indeed I could not help wondering how bored Winston must be if he has to tag along as a teenager to his parents’ gatherings.

We are such delinquent parents that we have not even bothered to set up a Christmas tree or do any decorating inside. But coming next year, when he’s old enough to understand what a holiday is, we won’t be able to escape this duty. And we will probably have to take him to more parties, as well as host more parties.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Winston's Last Cold (Hopefully) in 2010

After 3 parties over the weekend, Winston came down with his last cold in 2010 – hopefully! I was certainly getting too complacent, seeing him healthy for over a month. His nose is now running like river, and it gets congested when he’s sleeping that he would wake up crying. My poor little darling boy... Is he going to have a runny nose for Christmas?

In the end, he has caught on average one cold a month since September. I was secretly hoping to beat the odds, but alas it was not to be the case.

Now he’s sound asleep in his room. Looking at the screen of my computer (we call the infrared camera installed on his crib “WinstonCam”), I can’t help but smile a little bit at his pudgy cheeks. He’s so cute and adorable. Earlier in the day when we took him to Stanford Shopping Center, he was having so much fun playing in Pottery Barn Kids, which is understandable, and then Louis Vuitton, which is not. After I finished making a phone call on my cell, I noticed that he and the nanny were still in the Louis Vuitton store. I said to Winston, “alright, there is nothing here for you. Plus you cannot afford to buy anything here.” The nanny then answered on his behalf, “well, we would like to check it out just in case there is need to buy one for the future girlfriend or wife.”

I still cannot imagine Winston having a girlfriend with that runny nose and those protruding cheeks.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Career Women Trapped in Housewives' Roles

One of my friends from Harvard is now married with two boys. She has two jobs and works from home. In the morning she trades stocks, and in the afternoon she runs her own baby attire business (baberoo.com).

Needless to say, I find her capacity and capability downright amazing. I have a live-in nanny that works 6 days a week, and I work from home, albeit not full-time. And I feel that I am stretched to the limit!

Come to think of it, it is not that I am busy all the time. But it is the requirement for vigilance and patience with respect to a small kid that is emotionally and mentally draining. In her case, she has two little active boys who want attention. She said, “they drive me nuts if I am the only one at home with them when they are sick from school. I think I am really a career woman trapped in a housewife’s role!”

I can totally understand that sentiment. Usually those who have such sentiments feel guilty about having such sentiments. I recall reading about Lin Huiyin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lin_Huiyin), the Chinese architect and writer. She lamented in one of her letters to a friend that so much time would pass in mundane housework and trivialities that she feared that her life would just become that of a mother and mistress of home. She would often get impatient with such tasks, but then regret her impatience when the kids fell sick. Back then, probably there was no such term as “career women”, but she surely was a “career woman trapped in a housewife’s role”.

I often think that the conservatives may be right that women who were raised to believe their subordinate roles in life are probably much happier. After all, it is much easier to be content if you don’t aspire to anything. A career woman who also wants a family with kids will inevitably lament about being a “career woman trapped in a housewife’s role”, and lament about having such ungrateful complaints.

The Next Big Thing

I wonder what most people will say if they are asked, “What do you think that will be the Next Big Thing?” Obviously, my professional endeavor implies that I agree with the sentiment of the recent New York Times article on Diane Von Furstenberg “Diane Von Furstenberg and China – A Perfect Fit?” (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/fashion/19Diane.html)

“Ms. Von Furstenberg isn’t about to miss the Next Big Thing. She graced the cover of Newsweek in the 1970s. She was part of the Studio 54 crowd when disco was in style. And she sold dresses on QVC, the home shopping network, when retailing first migrated to live television. Now, her brand is migrating to the most populous place on earth.”

A few years ago on a business trip to Geneva, I stayed in a nice quiant hotel built entirely with wood. In the library of the hotel, I saw an autobiography of Diane Von Furstenberg, and ended up reading most of it when I was jetlagged. Prior to that, I had never heard of her, or any of the Miller sisters, or for that matter, most of these people who are not movie stars or singers but are celebrities of a more “exclusive” nature.

While I was reading that book, I remember thinking to myself, “so this is how the rich and famous aristocrats live”. For those who are familiar with contemporary Chinese history, it is hard not to notice the parallel between the Soong sisters and the Miller sisters. They all came from money and status. They were all educated abroad. Their marriages were all high-profile. I watched the movie “The Soong Sisters” - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Soong_Sisters_(film) - at Wellesley College when the director went there to promote the film, since Wellesley was Soon May-ling’s alma mater. I was much into melodramas, and therefore loved the tagline of the movie - “Revolution is a kind of love, and love is a kind of revolution.” Now that I am thinking about it, it really makes no sense! Somehow, at the time of watching the lives of the three sisters intertwined with the tubulent times of China, I found it “utterly profound”!

Of course I also remember the opening of the film, “Once upon a time in China, there were three sisters. One loved money, one loved power and one loved her country.” Again, anyone who knows a bit about chinese history would know that the one who loved money married H. H. Kung, who was one of the richest people in China. The one who loved power married Chiang Kai-shek and became Madame Chiang Kai-Shek. And the one who loved her country married Dr. Sun Yat-sen, who was a widow for most of her adult life. It is interesitng how these three sisters were eventually defined by their marriages, and of course one would expect that for women from that period.

Now, the Miller sisters were raised in privilege and married into more privileg. Pia married a Getty, Marie-Chantal married a Prince of Greece, and Alexandra married Alexandre Von Furstenberg, the son of Diane Von Furstenberg. While they are not well-known as the movie stars, the movie stars often wish that they could trade places with them, especially if these stars themselves came from trailer homes, never finished school and spoke no foreign languages and therefore were forever self-conscious about making faux-pas.

As China became more and more of a player on the global scene, I sometimes encounter thinly-veiled anti-China sentiment in the form of snobbery. It is a bit akin to how the “unsinkable Molly Brown” was viewed by her fellow first-class passengers on the Titanic. Nouveau riche is a condescending term describing those with newly made money but no class or taste. The Chinese may speak English, but with a Chinese accent that is decidedly not as classy as say a French accent. And no matter how much money they make, they still do not have class.

Well, in addition to the arrogant Anna Wintour who started visiting China, now the aristocratic multi-lingual Diane Von Furstenberg is knocking at the doors of China. Perhaps in the face of the Next Big Thing, no one can afford to care about class.

Now I write like a fanatically nationalistic Chinese! :) To be honest, I am not, but I am decidedly against snobbery. Those who resist the wave of the future (a term so unfortunately made infamous by Anne Lindbergh) certainly will be buried under the wave or pushed into oblivion.

Holiday Party

This past Saturday, we went to a very big holiday party at a friend’s place in Palo Alto. Winston was having so much fun there just roaming around the house, tasting different kinds of food, observing all these strangers and getting in their way. Needless to say, he was the youngest person at this party. When he was first taken into the house, he was a bit scared by the strange surroundings, but after being held for a while, he got used to it. He started walking right between people who were having a conversation – I consider that cute, but I wonder if others think that I am spoiling him rotten. But he is only a year and a half!

The house was decorated appropriately for the holidays, and tastefully furnished by the husband. The wife, who is a biotech entrepreneur like myself, admitted that like me, she was not into housework, home improvement or interior decorating. All the credit therefore goes to her husband. There is an interesting story around how I got to know them. I was on the same plane from San Francisco to Shanghai as the husband S. The plane was delayed, and we ended up chatting as we sat next to each other. After a while, he said, “ you really need to meet my wife, because you two are much alike!” Sure enough, shortly after I returned to the office, I got an email from his wife D. She actually came to my company’s open house, at the invitation of a colleague who has known her for years. Then we became friends. She’s now onto her nth startup company.

Quite a few people who travel in the same circle were at the party, and I would have loved to talk about some of the interesting gossip I learned. But that will have to be saved for a much more private audience... Oh well...

Saturday, December 18, 2010

"End of the Year" Resolutions

Most people make New Year’s resolutions. I did a few of those too, but always ended up forgetting what they were in the middle of the year. I should have posted them so that I could always be reminded – but perhaps some of them were not meant for the public eye.

Now that we are approaching the end of the year, I realize that I should make some “End of the Year” resolutions, as surely I will not be so forgetful as to forget about them within the next 2 weeks!

No.1 is that I should make sure that I will have written as many blogs in 2010 as I did in 2009 –which means that I had better hurry up so that I will have 60 blogs in the end. In itself it really is a silly goal, as most of my writing is about nothing. But somehow that would make me feel good and "accomplished"...

No. 2 is that I should actually do those things that I dislike doing but have been talking about doing for a while – such as dealing with those unopened boxes in the garage that otherwise will remain there for the rest of my life, such as filing complaint and small claims against that absolutely unprofessional and cheating agent I hired...

No. 3 is that I should try not to get irritated over small things. Now if this were a New Year’s resolution, I would likely break it like those who decided to steer clear of junk food but found themselves eating ice-cream within a month of making the resolution. But I only have 2 weeks to go for this one, so I am highly confident that I can make it, which would make me feel so good about meeting my goal!

Isn’t it much more gratifying to make “End of the Year” Resolutions than New Year’s Resolutions?

ENFJ

I used to keep a journal, but I now hardly lift a pen unless it is to write a check, sign documents or jot down some quick reminders for myself. A few years ago when I was still living in San Diego, I mentioned at a party that it was such a pity that I would not remember anything since I no longer kept a journal. A friend suggested that I could write a blog, which would have the advantage of being “green” and permanent.

So finally I started writing this blog for that purpose. However, because it is in the public domain, I cannot freely write about everything, especially about my work, which is a pity. There are a lot of interesting stories and observations related to my line of work, and I would love to be able to write them down for a future laugh. I also cannot complain too much or too strongly about anything, as it is likely that those who travel in the same professional circle may accidentally read these blogs (but honestly, who has so much time surfing the web for random blogs these days?) and form a “negative” impression of me.

Speaking of complaining, I do a ton of it. I complain about the weather being dismal, even though most of the time the San Francisco peninsula area has great weather. Imagine what the Scandinavians and the Russians have to deal with! I complain about traffic, although these days I hardly have to drive out for work. I complain about stupidity I encounter, even though these grievances are often minor. As a result, my friends were surprised to find out that I would embark on a new startup within a few months of the sale of the previous one, despite the fact that I complained loudly about how tough and painful it was to do a startup from scratch.

Now this is perhaps a new revelation even to myself. I have a habit of expressing feelings more vividly and strongly than many other people who actually feel much more strongly but express themselves much more sparingly. Therefore, while I certainly did a fair share of whining filled with hyperbole about the pain associated with the first startup, I had the stomach to do it the first time and I certainly have the stomach to do it a second time. Maybe in my case, the minute I get the complaint out of my system, I actually can put up with much more than those positive people who hardly complain.

After all, I am an ENFJ by Myers Briggs...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Revisiting "Snow Falling on Cedars"

I do love great cinematography. It was years ago when I saw “Snow Falling on Cedars” in the theater. Recently I watched it again. While I did not particular care for the plot, I loved those great images of heavy white snow falling on cedars. I felt as if I could almost touch the snowflakes, smell the cedars and feel the chilly air.

The reason why I would even bother to watch it in the theater when it was first released was partly due to the actor Ethan Hawke, mostly because he was in one of my favorite movies “Dead Poets Society”. It helps that he in real life is about my age. I can’t say that I liked “Reality Bites”, but I found “Gattaca” inspiring, “Great Expectations” interesting, and “Snow Falling on Cedars” charming. In almost all those movies, he plays characters that have a near-obsessive love and singular devotion for the female protagonist. I found that utterly enthralling, if a bit crazy. It was what I loved in a movie character - steadfast and blinding love.

Over 10 years later, as I watched “Snow Falling on Cedars” again, I could no longer appreciate the obsession as much as I did before. I wonder if it has to do with my current profession, which has forced me to be less sentimental in general. Or perhaps it is the simple effect of age?

Come to think of it, I do miss the years when I was foolishly sentimental – those were years when everything remained a possibility, when nothing was certain, and when I felt that my youth alone would make me invincible.

Perhaps I am fooling myself – I am never rid of my sentimentality, no matter how many companies I start...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

One of My Favorite Dialogues from a Woody Allen Film

As I now live in Palo Alto, I sometimes think of a dialogue from Woody Allen’s movie “Melinda & Melinda”.

The socially ambitious wife played by Amanda Peet urged her husband to go to a party at the Hamptons, and said, “Everybody who is somebody has a house in the Hamptons.”

The very unambitious and whiny husband played by Will Farrell quick responded, “But if you are somebody who is nobody, you don’t want to be with anybody who is everybody.”

There is unavoidable snobbery in wealthy neighborhoods. All I hope is that Winston will grow up to be neither blindly ambitious like Amanda Peet’s character, nor despondently cynical like Will Farrell’s character. I don’t want him to live for wealth and status, but I don’t’ want him to be fazed by wealth and status either. I just want him to live a happy and fulfilling life no matter where he lives and what he does in the future.

Penny Wise, Pound Foolish

I have always understood the concept of “Penny Wise Pound Foolish”, but somehow I seem to keep making the same mistake.

For the house we have in San Diego, I hired an agent Sandra Chang who together with her husband John Bell run this real estate agency called “Emperor Realty”. I think the key reason for hiring her was really because she only charged 5% of the rent, although I justified to myself further by saying that Michael’s parents’ properties in San Diego were also under her management.

As rule, we get what we paid for. To start with, Sandra did not show the house to any potential tenant, after she put the ad I wrote up into the MLS system. I showed the house to everyone who expressed interest, and I decided on the tenants as well as the rent. When I asked her to hire a cleaner to clean up the house after we moved out and before the new tenants moved in, apparently the cleaner did a poor job. The arrangement I structured with Emperor Realty was such that my tenant would pay them, and they would take their cut and pay me. The very first check I got from Emperor Realty bounced. That should have been a telling sign. I scolded her, only to get a really defensive reaction as if I were unfair to her.

My tenants then listed a few things they wanted fixed. Sandra sent in the same handyman without ever showing up at the house. Then she asked for a reserve fund to cover repairs, so that the handyman would not have to wait until the tenant pays the rent that month to get paid. I said fine and gave her $1000, only to remember later on that she also was holding onto the deposit from the tenant, which surely can cover any small repairs.

Fortunately, I selected good tenants, and they have maintained the property nicely. Then earlier this spring, we heard that Sandra died of a stroke suddenly. Needless to say, I did not bother her widower John Bell for a while. I only started calling him when my rent checks were continuously delayed. I never got hold of him. Meanwhile, my parents-in-law took advantge of their trip to San Diego to fire John Bell from managing their properties in San Diego. I don’t recall exactly what deterred me from following suit, but my guess is that partly it was because I was afraid of losing the rent and the deposit John Bell owed me if I were to fire him long-distance without showing up in person in San Diego. And perhaps I also felt bad that his wife died.

But things got worse and worse. By October, he owed me two months of rent and was utterly incommunicado. I decided to switch to the agent that my parents-in-law hired for their properties, and fire John Bell, or Emperor Realty. The letter was returned – the office had already been shut down. When I asked the new agent, who is not really that helpful to locate John Bell, she said that she could not find anyone from Emperor Realty, and the only house associated with John Bell had just been foreclosed. No one could find this guy! Now the total amount he owes me is close to $8000, which is not an amount that I am happy to part with. This agent then provided me Aaron Cheng’s phone number, who’s Sandra’s son from a previous marriage. I called him and he actually returned my phone call. He gave me a 30-minute sob story of how he really does not have the money to pay me, although he was so innocent that he got a broker’s license so that his late mother could be a realtor under his broker’s license, how John Bell has been acting strange to him and how he cannot easily get hold of John Bell either, etc, etc. Honestly, he sounded like a broken record. He said that there were remaining bills to be paid, and some of these bills don’t have contracts associated with them, but he trusted these old chinese people. I said, “they may not have a contract with you. But I do.” He said that he would look into it and talk to John Bell, and asked me to keep all this private and quiet so as to not tarnish his mother’s memory.

My agent sent all the proofs of the money that Emperor Realty to Aaron. However, since then, he has also disappeared depsite my repeated phone calls. I now realize – if only I had hired a more expensive agent, I probably would have prevented all this from happening. After all, we do get what we paid for.

Perhaps it is time for me to learn something new – i.e. How to file a small claims lawsuit. It is not exactly an experience that I would like to gain, but perhaps I should not be so condescending as to what skill is worth obtaining and what is not. Who knows – I might have to do it again in the future! :)

Peer Pressure

I went to visit the International School of the Peninsula yesterday, which has the oldest Chinese immersion program in Bay Area. The school started out as a French immersion school, and added the Chinese immersion program in mid 1990s. When I showed up at the school, there were already a dozen parents there. Apparently, a lot of them met each other before. I did not know anyone, but I did recognize that one woman is a partner at perhaps most of the best-known venture capital firms in the country. They were chatting with each other, reminding each other where they last met, and I heard “Day One”. I asked what “Day One” was, and it turned out to be a place for expectant mothers and those with infants to attend classes. It has locations in San Francisco, Walnut Creek and Palo Alto, where perhaps there is the high-end need for super-attentive prenatal and post-natal care. Once again, I felt like the least prepared and most delinquent mother there. I now realize why I have hesitated joining any mothers’ club – it is because I will always feel like a loser in such a group! :)

Interestingly, out of the dozen parents there, only one parent was there for the French immersion program. I could not help asking the director of admissions what the acceptance rate for Chinese immersion program is these days, as well as the reasons for rejecting a kid. She of course tried to be reassuring and said that it’s about 60-70% acceptance rate, and the rejection was often because the kid was not ready for such a structured environment.

The tour was ver nice. Everything I saw and heard was great. I got to see the class in action in nursery, pre-K and kindergarten. The kids were chiming in Chinese and the classrooms had a lot of education tools and supplies. The yard is big with lots of room for running. The elementary and middle school campus is at a different location from the nursery to kindergarten. It was so interesting just standing in the hallway, as I would hear chinese being spoken here and there. And then suddenly a kid would walk down the hallway, greeting a teacher “Bonjour”, and the teacher would cheerfully respond, “Bonjour. Tu es bien?”

Apparently kids in the Chinese immersion program pick up French as a third language so fast that the teachers were astounded. The elementary and middle school offers exchange programs for kids to go to China or Taiwan for a week or two at a time.

After this tour, I must say that if I don’t send Winston to this school, I will feel really delinquent. Of course, I recognize at the same time that this is mostly due to the “peer pressure” for parents. I can’t imagine how much peer pressure poor little Winston will feel when he grows up! :)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Life and Death

These days news of death affect me much more than before. Is it because I am older and therefore closer to death than before? Or is it because I increasingly realize how vulnerable and fragile life is? Or is it because I can now better imagine how terrible it is to lose a loved one, whereas I was previously rather oblivious?

Elizabeth Edwards died from cancer. I do not envy her life - losing her son at age 16 to a car accident, being diagnosed with cancer a few years after she gave birth to her youngest child at age 50 due to aggressive fertility treatments which probably resulted in the cancer, seeing her once-dashing husband turn into a much ridiculed figure (in public and by herself) and now finally dying at a relatively young age of 61. I wonder – why was she so unlucky?

But that is a question that cannot be answered by anyone. Maybe by comparison to many people out there, she already lived a very lucky life. She has three beautiful and thriving kids. She had a good marriage for many years. She has a lot friends and family to support her. She has fortune that allowed her to have and do things that other less fortunate people cannot. She has felt her impact in the society. Yes, perhaps she was lucky after all.

Death humbles the most arrogant of us, and it makes us all appreciate life and treasure what we have.

It Has Been Raining the Whole Day...

It has been raining the whole day. For sunny Palo Alto, it is rather rare. As I look out of the window of my office and listen to the rain drops falling on the roof, I cannot but feel a bit melancholy. Really I cannot imagine how the Scandinavians survive half of the year!

Apparently some scientists have found that there is some correlation between being born in the bleak winter months and having a higher chance of mood disorders - http://www.biospace.com/news_story.aspx?NewsEntityId=204317&Source=YesterdaysMostPopular.

In that case, I certainly have no excuses. I was born in the heat of the summer, but I do find my mood affected by the weather. I actually like falling asleep listening to the raindrops, as it is so soothing. But when I am awake, I want beautiful sunshine.

Well, I hope that this latest study has some merit. Winston was a June baby...

A Belated Report on Thanksgiving

I recall griping about Thanksgiving as I don’t like turkey, nothing opens and travelling is hectic during Thanksgiving. But now that I have a kid, I have to make him happy over this holiday. I always feel guilty about leaving him with the nanny even though I am not even working full-time... So I have to make up for it occasionally.

On Thanksgiving Day, we went to my friend Tim’s place for the traditional Thanksgiving fare. I have not had any turkey (and I do mean any turkey at all) for many years due to my intense dislike of it. Tim’s wife did everything from scratch – turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, etc. I have to say that I still don’t like cranberry sauce, but the turkey and stuffing were actually pretty good. Winston loved the stuffing and baked beans, and he ate a ton of them, which led to diarrhea the next day, as he’s lactose intolerant and there was milk in both the stuffing and the baked beans.

On Friday, we were going to go to Michael’s sister’s place, but her family all caught a bad cold. Instead, we went shopping with Winston at Stanford Shopping Center and eating out for dinner. Winston was not too thrilled sitting in the high chair at Hobbee’s in Palo Alto, but he was overall well behaved. On Saturday, we went to a neighbor’s house (who’s also a colleague of michael’s in the same department) for early brunch party with winston at 10 am where there were other kids from other stanford professors (all in the same department), all of whom were older though. None of the kids played with Winston, and they would push him away when he clumsily tried to touch the toys they were playing. Good-humoredly, Winston just walked away when he was unwelcome. After I put him down for his afternoon nap, we went to an adult’s party – a friend is having a big celebration of their turtle’s 30th birthday. He gave this turtle to his wife before they started dating! It was all big and formal with printed invitations. I realize that the only way for me to utterly relax is at an adults’ party, as otherwise my eyes and ears would constantly follow Winston to make sure that he’s well taken care of. On Sunday, we took him as usual to the nearby farmers’ market in the morning and then after some playing in the park, he ate lunch, drank milk and fell asleep for 3 hours. We were going to go to a friend’s place for dumplings – her daughter is 7 months older than winston. But her daughter started having a runny nose and to be safe, we did not go. Instead we took him to meet another friend – we met at the Santa Claus area of Stanford Shopping Center. Then we drove to see the Los Altos Light Parade, which apparently is like a phenomenon of the area – Winston was utterly mesmerized by the various bands from local public and private schools, as well as those colorful displays parading down the street. People treat this event like Bostonians with the July 4 fireworks – they lined up the street with their lounge chairs during the day time long before the parade started.

My arms were so sore after holding Winston up over the Thanksgiving holiday, but it’s all worth it as he had a very good time. Of course he will not remember a thing...

A Belated Report on Halloween

I am a complete pushover when it comes to peer pressure. Despite how much I talked about not doing anything for Halloween, we still decided to dress Winston up as a green dragon and went trick-or-treating around College Terrace area, which is on the edge of Stanford campus. Of course he had no clue what was going on, but he was welcome at every house.

When we came to one house with the door open, we knocked. A young woman came by, and then went back inside to report that it was a boy trick-or-treating. Suddenly a lot of young people came out, apparently partying at the time. The person in front was Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of Facebook. I was so taken back that I probably stared at him a little bit. He was praising Winston to be the cutest dragon ever. We got some candies, thanked them and left.

Afterwards, when I watched Michael’s video, I almost laughed. The minute he caught Mark Zuckerberg on camera, it dropped, presumably due to his surprise. Then he picked it up again, and Mark Zuckerberg noticed it. He hesitated for a split second and decided to ignore it and laugh with Winston instead.

By the way, for those who have seen the movie “Social Network”, I have to comment that the real life Mark Zuckerberg is better looking than the actor. That usually does not happen, except in the cases of “Social Network” and “Sylvia”.

Winston got to meet Mark Zuckerberg at his first Halloween! Yeah!

Comparing the Education Systems of the US and China

Recently an article in New York Times has elicited some discussions among my friends, largly around comparison of the education systems of the United States and China- http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/07/education/07education.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=homepage. The fact that China is investing so much money into educating the next generation should indeed be taken seriously by the United States, if it still wants to maintain a lead in science and technology.

Incidentally, I scheduled a visit to the Stanford daycare center where Winston is on the waiting list to enter next year as a two-year old. I figure that I should at least see what it’s like. Considering that only Stanford affiliates can get in, and it almost never has openings, I expected a great daycare center that would blow my mind away.

Suffice to say that the exact opposite happened. It’s a two-story building, but each class is confined to its own classroom most of the day, except for when they are let outside in the small yard to play. The classroom has some toys, and the teacher to kids ratio for the 2 year old class is 6 to 1, which is not bad. I asked where they would eat and nap, and the answer was the same room. When I expressed puzzlement as to where they could sleep, the teacher pointed to a stack of mats, which are rolled out for the children’s nap. Each family supplies a sheet and a blanket, and the kids would sleep in their clothes on those mats spread out on the floor. The teachers have associate degrees but there were no musical instruments around for music classes. They supply two snacks but parents would have to supply lunch.

I always thought that my son would have better opportunities than I did when I was growing up. However, when it comes to daycare/preschoo/kindergarten, I have to say that Winston might be worse off than I was. My daycare/kindergarten which I attended was the experimental kindergarden affiliated with Beijing Normal University. The campus is at least 10 times as big as the Stanford one. All the teachers were trained in early-childhood education, and most can play the piano. We had a classroom, a dining room, a bedroom where each kid has his or her own bed, where we would nap comfortably in our sleep clothes under our own warm blanket. There was a big performance hall with hardwood floors, where we would put on shows to entertain foreign visitors. The yard has a huge fountain, big trees, large area to run around, lots of play structures, and a vegetable garden where we were taught to pick cucumbers and tomatoes when they were in season. We were taught to sing along with our teachers’ piano playing, listen to stories and put on various performance shows. When we got up from the afternoon nap, the teachers would comb each girl’s hair. I remember wanting to have long hair, so that the teacher could braid my hair. But unfortunately I always had short hair. Both lunch and dinner were served, although I recall not liking the food too much.

When I complained to a friend of mine, she pointed out that my daycare/kindergarten was perhaps one of the most elite ones in China. She talked about hers when she was a kid. The teachers would chat among themselves instead of paying attention to the kids. While the yard was big, there was only one or two play structures, and all the kids would have to wait in long lines. The worst was the open-air bathrooms with those holes in the ground – apparently sometimes kids would fall into those holes. Out of fear of falling into those “shit-holes”, she often tried to hold herself instead of going to the bathroom, when many other kids just peed in their pants without the teachers noticing anything. Is that the norm in China then?

Regardless, I recall visiting my old high-school where my mom was a teacher before her retirement. In terms of facility and resources, it exceeds even La Jolla High School, which is supposed to be one of the top high schools in this country. And this article in New York Times further makes me question the quality of public education in the US. Private schools in the US, on the other hand, easily surpass the schools in China in terms of hardware and software.

Well, perhaps that’s why I feel the pressure to make some money so that Winston can go to private schools from the beginning...