Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Winston's Second Day at School

Winston slept for almost 12 hours straight last night, as he did not nap very well on his first day in school. This morning, he woke up perky and excited, all the way until we got to the school. Then he realized that it was the same place where I dropped him off yesterday for a long long time. He started crying and would not let me go. The teacher suggested that I hand him over to her. He then had this agonized look on his face, trying to hold back his tears, as apparently the tears would be futile. The teacher said, "say bye bye to mama". His cherubic little face was all wrinkled up, with tears welling up but he tried not to cry, "bye bye. Mama is going to work. Mama is leaving."

Oh he is such a rational little boy...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Be Cool

I sent Winston to daycare today for the first day. When I left, he did not cry. When I showed up, he was talking non-stop with the teachers, and was not even so happy to see me!

Apparently, during the day, he cried a little bit on and off, did not eat too much, and did not sleep as much as he usually does. But he apparently did not want to let me know that.

He's cool - much cooler than both of his parents.

Where did he get such cool genes?

Monday, April 18, 2011

The Cost of Pride

The Chinese culture has long emphasized the virtue of pride, and it has taken me years to unlearn that.

In fact, as I observe pride in people, I cannot help but feel that it has cost people dearly in personal and professional happiness.

Because of pride, someone who actually does not have the ability or bandwidth would wager with someone else that he could do something and in fact would rather do that instead of admitting defeat. The lack of self-knowledge renders him completely ignorant of why he decided to wager in the first place - it was all because he was upset at the other party, or else he would not have bothered. So off he went, taking on something just for the sake of pride, only to realize that he should never have done it. In fact, if only he could graciously admit defeat, he would have come out as a winner. A paradox indeed.

But he kept going, getting exhausted, sleep-deprived and even more unhappy because he had taken on something that really were beyond his means, while getting even more upset at the other person because the other person is the reason why he is now sleep-deprived, exhausted, and bad-tempered, not ever pausing to realize that it was precisely due to his own sleep-deprivation, exhaustion and bad temper that he lost sight of what is important, and let his pride take over.

The vicious cycle continued. The cost of pride is truly enormous, especially for people who are insecure to start with. Defensiveness comes with insecurity and pride. I have observed that in people's professional lives and personal lives, and not even once did I see any positive outcome for anyone of them.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Movies Shown on the Airplanes

I remember reading somewhere that Woody Allen refused to have any of his movies shown on airplanes. Now I understand why - in general those movies are terrible.

On the trans-Pacific flights, they usually show at least three movies. I used to think that I did not possess the energy to watch all three, but I now realize it is because they are so terrible that it is impossible for me to watch all three.

So on the two recent trans-Pacific rides, I watched "The Tourist", "The King's Speech" and "Conviction", or as much of them as I could bear. In terms of seriousness, they range from comical to melodramatic. Watching these movies made me wonder if the filmmakers have ran out of ideas altogether. Is it possible to have a more ridiculous plot than "The Tourist"? Is it possible to have a less trivial topic than "The King's Speech"? Is it possible to watch Hillary Swank not play a character who triumphed against all odds?

Then I reminded myself, these are the movies shown on the airplanes.

Save the Planet!

It had been over two years since my last trip to China. When I first arrived at Shanghai Pudong International Airport, I thought to myself "is the pollution so much worse than before, or is it because I have been away for so long?" The sky was gray and it was very smoggy. While I am overall an enthusiastic advocate of doing business in China, I have to say that this time I was particularly troubled by the pollution I saw. Obviously economic development is important, but is there a way to do it that does not simultaneously damage the environment so much? Understandably, people in developing countries do not care nearly as much as environmental protection. There were too many cars, too much construction, too much unrecyclable garbarge, and too little care in general that goes into making the world a habitable place a hundred years from now. That lack of patience which often leads to quick results is unfortunately at play here with respect to environmental protection - people don't care about what happens ten years from now, and let alone a hundred years later. It is not because they don't care about their own future. In a way, it is because the Chinese people don't believe something could be true unless they see it with their own eyes or have already started to see signs of it. Also, thanks to the cultural revolution, people often only care about what happens to themselves and their immediate families and have little interest in doing something inconvenient for themselves to serve the public interest.

While perhaps from a business perspective I remain an enthusiastic advocate of China, I do wonder what might be done to help raise awareness of global warming in China.

Winston Misses His Mommy

I came back from my 8-day China trip yesterday morning. Overall it was a productive trip, but somehow I can't help but feel that it could have been squeezed into a 5-day trip in total, if all the meetings could have been arranged more tightly. Of course, I would not have had such feelings were it not for Winston.

Two days after I left, I got a chance to talk to Winston on Skype. He just woke up from his afternoon nap and was not exactly in a great mood. He saw me, and did not say anything. Then towards the end, when Michael said that it was time to say goodbye to mommy, he was sobbing like crazy. He was taken away from the computer screen, while he was kicking and screaming. Since the connection was left on, I could hear that he cried for quite a while before he finally calmed down. Apparently, it was the longest time he ever cried.

Then on the last day before I came back, I got to talk to him on Skype again. He was happily eating his dinner and he ate a ton! After he finished, he ran away so I logged off. Apparently, that night, after being read "Good Night Moon" which reminded him of me, he was teary. Then he would not quietly doze off by himself as he usually does. Instead, he was calling "Lao Lao" (i.e. grandma). My mom felt rather honored, as Winston usually prefers Michael to her. She showed up, and he calmed down.

When I saw Winston yesterday morning, he again did not show much emotion. He just smiled and said "mama". I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, and he followed me into the bathroom. He was happy but not exactly thrilled. I could tell that he missed me very much only when I was putting him down for his nap. He would not let go of my hand. Although he was so sleepy, he kept trying to sit up to wake himself up so that I would not leave. Finally when he dozed off, I removed my hand from his forehead. He sensed it, and struggled really hard to open his eyes but could not. So he tried to sit up, and I put my hand on his forehead again, and in his sleep he laughed.

At night, when I turned off the musical mobile's light, he said, "I can't see mommy any more and I am going to sleep." I then left the room.

While everyone thinks that he is an extroverted boy, he actually does not show his deepest emotions easily. He is trying to be cool and tough at such an early age...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Mom is Visiting

Since my mom arrived over a week ago, she has been complaining that I am too intense and impatient. I remind her that I am just like her when she was younger.

She said that in her entire life, the happiest time has been after her retirement. She did not like exams, so school was not too much fun for her. After she graduated from college, it was Cultural Revolution and she was sent to destitute countryside. As a single mother with two kids and a full-time job, life was constantly very stressful for her. Then my grandparents started to get old and sick one after the other.

Indeed when I think about my mom's life, I have to agree with her that the happiest time has been after her retirement. Now that she's overall healthy, she's able to do some part-time tutoring to keep herself mentally active, as well as enjoy herself with various activities with her friends. She's not a sentimental person by nature, and therefore spending time with her only grandson has never been top of the agenda. But she is always willing to help me if I need her help, and hence her visiting for two months during Winston's transition from home to daycare.

Scheduling

I am about to head to China and my business partner mentioned that perhaps I should extend my trip so that we could meet with some additional people, or I should go back to China soon afterwards.

Obviously it's a lot of trouble to make another trip across the pacific ocean. But I have got Winston on schedule to start his Mandarin immersion daycare right after I come back. My mom said that we could always delay starting him for a few days if I had to be out for a bit longer. Then I thought of checking with Michael on his travel schedule, and it turned out that he would be leaving for Boston right after I come back from China. And then he will take another trip to New York and Lake Tahoe. He and I need a personal assistant to organize our calendars or else one of these days we may both be going somewhere with Winston the only person at home!

It is impossible to imagine modern life without Outlook calendars... And when Winston starts school, he will have a calendar of his own as well! We are all becoming slaves to our schedules! :)

Monday, April 4, 2011

Chatterbox

Winston is talking non-stop now! He's constructing creative sentences left and right and I am afraid that I will forget about all his innovative speeches!

Of course, his verbal ability would impress perhaps only those closest to him. Otherwise, no one would find the following sentences amazing (in Chinese):

"Daddy's bottle has water so I can't grab."

"The switch is dangerous so I can't touch."

"What is grandma doing?"

And he loves the Curious George series, and would always say "Curious George" with such an adorable baby accent.

And of course, he is constantly laughing his head off. When I commented that he would be a leader in the future because he could get along with people, my mom contradicted that he would perhaps be a comedian instead.

Indeed his sense of humor is simply astonishing. I would not mind him being a comedian. That will be a great career!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Originality

Today was a sunny and beautiful day. In the late afternoon after Winston's long siesta (and mine as well as I was so utterly exhausted) my mom and I took Winston to Elizabeth Gamble garden for a stroll. Looking at the flowers, feeling the breezy air and bathing in the soft late afternoon sunshine, I felt a wave of relaxation and joy, after a whole week of preparation for my mom to take over while I am gone to China for my business trip next week. I sometimes would wake up up feeling anxious and guilty about leaving Winston behind, and even more anxious and guilty about sending him to daycare upon my return from China. But somehow this stroll in the garden really relaxed me and made me feel that life was good.

Michael said that what he likes about me is my originality. But I am totally unoriginal - I went to the famous schools and majored in something as pedestrian as chemistry, so there is nothing original about my education. I worked for some well-known companies - again nothing original. I started a company adopting a sensible business model creating next-generation therapeutics, instead of founding a company with bleeding-edge technology working on novel targets - so even my entrepreneurial efforts belong to the most "risk-adverse" types out there, instead of blue sky concepts. Regarding how to raise Winston, I pretty much follow whatever I have been told/advised, and have never attempted anything original. I would admit that I did once harbor a dream of spending every single Thanksgiving holiday outside of the United States to avoid the horrific turkey meal and to have some exotic fun, but I can now see that I will never hear the end of complaints from not only Winston but also other well-meaning family and friends for denying Winston the quintessential American experience. So there - the only thing that may be original about me is not going to happen either.

So many people told me that it would be bad for Winston's development if I kept him at home for much longer. So of course, without much originality, I decided to cave in and send him to daycare around the age of 2. Yes, he is a bit pampered at home because he's still fed his dinner and put to his crib for sleep, although I like to think that I do try to enforce discipline. At daycare, he will have to go hungry and maybe thirsty for a few days and feel extraordinarily frustrated for not being understood (he speaks a lot in Chinese but his baby accent is not always easily understood even by me).

Now that my trip is happening soon, and Winston's first day of daycare will happen right after I come back from China, I have felt more and more anxiety about both leaving him behind and sending him to daycare right afterward. Am I a particularly selfish mother? Or is it because I am so unoriginal that I always end up doing what everyone else does even when I initially don't feel like it?

Originality, I think, is a luxury that most of us cannot afford.

A Playdate

Today my mom and I took Winston to Foster City at a friend's place for a play date. In theory, it was a play date for Winston's generation, as he got to be with other kids who are just a bit older than he is. Yes, he's still the youngest so far at any play dates.

But in reality, it was a play date for my generation as well, as I chatted with my friends who work in the internet and pharmaceutical industries. It is always so refreshing and interesting to learn about other people's work and life. I find it fascinating.

And it was a play date for the grandparents generation. Besides my mom, there were 5 other grandparents all from China. They chatted about their stuff I assume, which is perhaps as interesting to me as what I chatted with my friends is to Winston.

So we all had our play dates, and it was so much fun, and the food was so good as well.