When I wrote about Peter Hessler yesterday, I had not actually realized that he just became a MacArthur Fellow as of two days ago! What's more - I read that he is going to the Middle East and he's planning to stay there for about five or six years. He and his wife (who also wrote about China, and who graduated from Harvard) just had twin daughters. And now they will be moving to the Middle East!
He is listed as a "long form journalist" instead of a journalist or a writer on the MacArthur Foundation website. Indeed, he is different from Nicholas Kristof, who really WAS a jounalist based in Beijing reporting for the New York Times, although Kristof and his wife Sheryl WuDunn also wrote several books together. What makes Peter Hessler's books fascinating is the incredibly detailed and personal narrative guided by an amazingly objective and informed mind. He does not agree with the stereotypical Americans on their view of China, but he totally understands where they come from. He also does not agree with the stereotypical Chinese on their view of America, but again he totally understands where they come from. And he often can crystallize his observations in language that seems utterly creative - indeed that's why he's been selected as a MacArthur Fellow!
I see that he's always going where others perhaps have not gone for one reason or another. If he wants to bring his signature narrative to write about the dangerous and tumultuous Middle East and learn Arabic as he learned to speak Chinese well, it is a daunting task. After all, it is a much more dangerous area with bombs going off occasionally.
Still, I guess this is where his passion lies. And it's great that his work is his passion.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Art of Reinvention
As I lay in my sick bed (well, yes it's just a canker sore but it felt very painful), I read a lot and watched some movies. Considering that my friend pressured me again to have Winston give it a try in showbiz, I could not help but wondering about the ruthless nature of the show business. Most people who give it a try don't make it. And even those who make it may disappear after a while. Many of the child stars turned out badly, with Jodie Foster and Natalie Portman among the minority of child actors transforming into great actors when they grew up.
Somehow I thought of the Chinese actresses. "The Soong Sisters" was a movie I liked very much, partly because of the melodramatic nature and partly because it's got all these stars, with Maggie Cheung, Michelle Yeoh and Vivian Wu playing each of the three sisters. Now in their 40s, they are still active actresses, but none of them is married with kids. Regardless of what they say in interviews, I know that being single AND childless is not exactly a great state for a woman. And to some extent, I kind of feel that their acting careers have also reached as high as it could have ever reached. Wouldn't they feel a panic right now?
Then I thought of two other Taiwan-born Chinese actresses Brigitte Lin and Sylvia Chang, who are about a decade older than the aforementioned actresses. Somehow when I think of the two of them, I feel an invisible positive force lifting my spirit up. Then I realized that it is because their lives have been one of constant reinvention, which makes what's in the future infinitely more interesting than what's in the past, despite how glamorous the past might have been.
Brigitte Lin was discovered when she was 17, and started playing the herione in the numerous movies and TV series adapted from Qiong Yao's sappy novels. Qiong Yao is very much the Danielle Steele in Chinese rated PG, and she was very well versed in classical Chinese poetry. Her novels read very beautifully, the girls (they were always girls instead of women) were always utterly beautiful and innocent, the boys dashing and romantic, and the boys' mothers inevitably evil and beyond help. Brigitte Lin played numerous such characters and became a personal friend of the author, but was burnt out by both work and love, so she took a break and went to the US. After she returned to Taiwan, the movie industry there was in distress. There were no more decent roles for her. She packed her bags, moved to Hong Kong, learned Cantonese and became the leading action star of Hong Kong cinema. She retired at the age of 40 to marry a rich business man, had two daughters, and recently wrote a highly acclaimed memoir. Now that the daughters are slightly older, she is back in the public life, and is focused on her writing. From what I heard, she writes very well.
Sylvia Chang was a much more defiant character. She refused to conform to a lot of the studio rules at the time, and perhaps it had cost her somewhat. She went through tumultuous relationships, and eventually had a son whom she adores. She still acts in both Chinese and American films, but she is much more of a director now. I greatly enjoyed her films such as "Xiao Yu", "Tonight nobody goes home", and "Tempting Heart". She's incredibly confident, funny and capable. Unlike other actresses, she did not have to obsess over hanging onto her youthful looks (although to this day she looks young and beautiful for her age), because she has successfully reinvented herself. She has moved on with the times, as has Brigitte Lin.
The key difference between these two actresses and the others is that they did not let their past successes deter them from reaching new heights and redefining themselves. The past, while glamorous and successful, was the past, and to hang onto the past would be akin to trying not to age or die, neither of which is possible. Instead, they have gone through constant reinvention of themselves, and always much more forward instead of backward. They achieved stardom very young and went through passionate love affairs. Then they decided to have kids and be great and devoted mothers. Then they moved onto a new professional challenge that's not dependent on youthful looks, instead of lamenting on how beautiful they once were in their youth. Maybe other actresses ought to look at their examples.
Indeed when I think about myself, I guess I ought to learn a thing or two from them about reinvention as well. Each one of us goes through phases in our lives. For one reason or another, perhaps we are more concentrated on one thing. If that one thing becomes a success, the fear of losing that success could hinder our vision in seeing what else is possible. Instead, perhaps what I am doing is a phase of my life right now. Indeed the economic times are hard, which makes entrepreneurial effort particularly hard. But my son is just a toddler and perhaps also at the peak of his cuteness, so I am spending more time than the busiest professional women in the world on raising him, entertaining him and educating him, especially since Michael needs to concentrate on his career and often works 7 days a week as well as pulling all-nighters all the time. If circumstances change, I will make changes accordingly. Going with the flow does not mean not taking one's life into one's own hands, but rather to enjoy each moment and maximize the benefit offered by each phase.
Somehow I thought of the Chinese actresses. "The Soong Sisters" was a movie I liked very much, partly because of the melodramatic nature and partly because it's got all these stars, with Maggie Cheung, Michelle Yeoh and Vivian Wu playing each of the three sisters. Now in their 40s, they are still active actresses, but none of them is married with kids. Regardless of what they say in interviews, I know that being single AND childless is not exactly a great state for a woman. And to some extent, I kind of feel that their acting careers have also reached as high as it could have ever reached. Wouldn't they feel a panic right now?
Then I thought of two other Taiwan-born Chinese actresses Brigitte Lin and Sylvia Chang, who are about a decade older than the aforementioned actresses. Somehow when I think of the two of them, I feel an invisible positive force lifting my spirit up. Then I realized that it is because their lives have been one of constant reinvention, which makes what's in the future infinitely more interesting than what's in the past, despite how glamorous the past might have been.
Brigitte Lin was discovered when she was 17, and started playing the herione in the numerous movies and TV series adapted from Qiong Yao's sappy novels. Qiong Yao is very much the Danielle Steele in Chinese rated PG, and she was very well versed in classical Chinese poetry. Her novels read very beautifully, the girls (they were always girls instead of women) were always utterly beautiful and innocent, the boys dashing and romantic, and the boys' mothers inevitably evil and beyond help. Brigitte Lin played numerous such characters and became a personal friend of the author, but was burnt out by both work and love, so she took a break and went to the US. After she returned to Taiwan, the movie industry there was in distress. There were no more decent roles for her. She packed her bags, moved to Hong Kong, learned Cantonese and became the leading action star of Hong Kong cinema. She retired at the age of 40 to marry a rich business man, had two daughters, and recently wrote a highly acclaimed memoir. Now that the daughters are slightly older, she is back in the public life, and is focused on her writing. From what I heard, she writes very well.
Sylvia Chang was a much more defiant character. She refused to conform to a lot of the studio rules at the time, and perhaps it had cost her somewhat. She went through tumultuous relationships, and eventually had a son whom she adores. She still acts in both Chinese and American films, but she is much more of a director now. I greatly enjoyed her films such as "Xiao Yu", "Tonight nobody goes home", and "Tempting Heart". She's incredibly confident, funny and capable. Unlike other actresses, she did not have to obsess over hanging onto her youthful looks (although to this day she looks young and beautiful for her age), because she has successfully reinvented herself. She has moved on with the times, as has Brigitte Lin.
The key difference between these two actresses and the others is that they did not let their past successes deter them from reaching new heights and redefining themselves. The past, while glamorous and successful, was the past, and to hang onto the past would be akin to trying not to age or die, neither of which is possible. Instead, they have gone through constant reinvention of themselves, and always much more forward instead of backward. They achieved stardom very young and went through passionate love affairs. Then they decided to have kids and be great and devoted mothers. Then they moved onto a new professional challenge that's not dependent on youthful looks, instead of lamenting on how beautiful they once were in their youth. Maybe other actresses ought to look at their examples.
Indeed when I think about myself, I guess I ought to learn a thing or two from them about reinvention as well. Each one of us goes through phases in our lives. For one reason or another, perhaps we are more concentrated on one thing. If that one thing becomes a success, the fear of losing that success could hinder our vision in seeing what else is possible. Instead, perhaps what I am doing is a phase of my life right now. Indeed the economic times are hard, which makes entrepreneurial effort particularly hard. But my son is just a toddler and perhaps also at the peak of his cuteness, so I am spending more time than the busiest professional women in the world on raising him, entertaining him and educating him, especially since Michael needs to concentrate on his career and often works 7 days a week as well as pulling all-nighters all the time. If circumstances change, I will make changes accordingly. Going with the flow does not mean not taking one's life into one's own hands, but rather to enjoy each moment and maximize the benefit offered by each phase.
A Heavenly Creature
The other day, my friend was here in Palo Alto for a play date. She commented on how long Winston's eyelashes were, and then said for the nth time, "you really should enter him into some modelling contests." Knowing how biased parents are and I am no exception, I answered for the nth time, "well, every parent thinks that the kids are really cute. And there are probably tons of really cute kids out there." She disagreed, "No I don't think so. I have rarely seen one so cute."
That brought to mind another weekend morning when I took him to the park nearby Palo Alto Junior Museum and Zoo. I ran into a Chinese father of two boys who were also speaking Chinese. It turned out that he's a professor at Stanford as well and the younger son goes to the same Stanford daycare center. After we exchanged such small talk, he said, "your son really is good-looking. Look at those bright eyes!" - I did not take him seriously, since lots of people offer such compliments. Then two days later, I was stopped by a mother who was picking up her son at the same daycare center, "this is Winston, right? My husband said that he ran into you guys in the park." Winston is that memorable!
Obviously not all cute kids will grow up to look really great. But perhaps right now Winston is at the peak of his looks. When I look at him, I do often gasp at how incredibly cute he is. I almost feel like quoting most inappropriately what Elizabeth I said when she learned of her accession to the throne, "it is the Lord's doing and it is marvelous!" Indeed he is almost a heavenly creature.
That brought to mind another weekend morning when I took him to the park nearby Palo Alto Junior Museum and Zoo. I ran into a Chinese father of two boys who were also speaking Chinese. It turned out that he's a professor at Stanford as well and the younger son goes to the same Stanford daycare center. After we exchanged such small talk, he said, "your son really is good-looking. Look at those bright eyes!" - I did not take him seriously, since lots of people offer such compliments. Then two days later, I was stopped by a mother who was picking up her son at the same daycare center, "this is Winston, right? My husband said that he ran into you guys in the park." Winston is that memorable!
Obviously not all cute kids will grow up to look really great. But perhaps right now Winston is at the peak of his looks. When I look at him, I do often gasp at how incredibly cute he is. I almost feel like quoting most inappropriately what Elizabeth I said when she learned of her accession to the throne, "it is the Lord's doing and it is marvelous!" Indeed he is almost a heavenly creature.
Winston after flu shot
Peter Hessler
I recently finished reading Peter Hessler's "Oracle Bones" and loved it. Now I am reading his third book "Country Driving". He's now back in the United States after spending several years living and writing in China. He has insight that no other journalists or writers possess into the Chinese psyche. I can't wait until he writes another book.
Often I feel like that while I have a different perspective looking at America from most of the Chinese, and a different perspective looking at China from most of the Chinese. But that sense of loneliness is utterly dispelled by Peter Hessler's writing, which is poignant, perceptive, insightful and incredibly balanced. I could sense his compassion and humanity throughout his writing, and yet at the same time he's done a heroic job of not falling into any emotional frenzy or cheap sentimentality.
Often I feel like that while I have a different perspective looking at America from most of the Chinese, and a different perspective looking at China from most of the Chinese. But that sense of loneliness is utterly dispelled by Peter Hessler's writing, which is poignant, perceptive, insightful and incredibly balanced. I could sense his compassion and humanity throughout his writing, and yet at the same time he's done a heroic job of not falling into any emotional frenzy or cheap sentimentality.
After a Minor Illness
Maybe people who enjoy great health have the least tolerance for any minor illness. I don't have any allergies - just a minor cold would knock me out because of th stuffy nose. I don't have any headaches or other minor illnesses. That is why I almost stop functioning when I have a canker sore.
Interestingly, I distinctively remember the last time I had a canker sore. It was back in 2000 around Christmas time. It was so painful that I saw two different doctors. All the people at work knew about it because I would tell everyone. This time, I also went to see a doctor after reading online, only to get scared about all kinds of possibilities such as salivary gland stones, oral cancer or whatever. Of course the doctor said that I did not have cancer, and refused to give me any antibiotics either, since she said that it was just a canker sore that required no antibiotics or antiviral medication. She said that I must have bitten myself in my sleep. "But I have a headache!" - I reminded her, as I really do have a headache associated with this canker sore. So maybe it is not a canker sore but rather something more serious? She dismissed me and prescribed some cream with steroid to help with the inflammation.
When I am just suffering from a canker sore, I can particularly appreciate good health, which obviously I take for granted completely. The other day, I had lunch with a friend at the Genentech cafeteria, and I commented that it was such a big waste of resources to label each dish with the number of calories. If they had not done that, perhaps the dishes would be cheaper. Besides, everyone can tell roughly whether something carries more fat and calories than other food. My friend protested, "that is because you have no idea what it is like to try to lose weight. It is really hard, and without counting it is impossible." I shut up afterwards. Indeed what perhaps comes easy to us or what we take for granted are rather difficult or unapproachable by others. Therefore, we should never take any good fortune for granted, as if we ourselves are the sole reason for earning them, be it health, youth, success, kids, family, love, friendship, etc. We are just lucky.
To be alive is to be lucky. To be alive and healthy is particularly lucky. I definitely don't want to go through life only to look back and regret that I have not noticed a lot of things. I recall a brief conversation I had with my friend Ying, in that we talked about why both of us wanted to pursue something academic. She crystallized the origin, "It is perhaps the only way for one to feel some kind of immortality, in that your work outlives you and can still have an impact." In other words, there is a sense of legacy.
I recall that the Chinese architect and poet Lin Huiyin mentioned that life was just meant to experience. She wanted to experience everything, and so in a way she did. When the Japanese invaded China, like other scholars, she and her family fled west. Her son later asked her what she would do if the Japanese got to where she lived, she said, "well, there is always a way out for Chinese scholars (meaning suicide)." Her son was shocked and perhaps felt a bit neglected, "well, what about us then?" She smiled and said, "well, I would not be able to do much about you in that case." While she was a stunning beauty as well as an extraordinarily talented and creative poet, she was also a very serious scholar and architect. Her son and daughter later talked about their mother being very different from how she was perceived by others. They remembered her as being constantly sick (she had tuberculosis which flared up on and off until he death from it at the age of 51), as well as often cranky largely due to her sickness. John Fairbanks and his wife Wilma Fairbanks were best friends with her and her husband Liang Sicheng. Wilma Fairbanks wrote a book "Liang and Lin".
Sometimes when I think about my career change, I wonder about my wish to have some kind of "legacy" with what I do, which partly defines me. Now that I have Winston, like other parents, I have a legacy in my son. But I can't live vicariously through him, and neither will he want me to when he grows up. My identity beyond being Winston's mother has to extend beyond that legacy. Business by definition is impermanent, transient and fickle. I will have to think about it...
Interestingly, I distinctively remember the last time I had a canker sore. It was back in 2000 around Christmas time. It was so painful that I saw two different doctors. All the people at work knew about it because I would tell everyone. This time, I also went to see a doctor after reading online, only to get scared about all kinds of possibilities such as salivary gland stones, oral cancer or whatever. Of course the doctor said that I did not have cancer, and refused to give me any antibiotics either, since she said that it was just a canker sore that required no antibiotics or antiviral medication. She said that I must have bitten myself in my sleep. "But I have a headache!" - I reminded her, as I really do have a headache associated with this canker sore. So maybe it is not a canker sore but rather something more serious? She dismissed me and prescribed some cream with steroid to help with the inflammation.
When I am just suffering from a canker sore, I can particularly appreciate good health, which obviously I take for granted completely. The other day, I had lunch with a friend at the Genentech cafeteria, and I commented that it was such a big waste of resources to label each dish with the number of calories. If they had not done that, perhaps the dishes would be cheaper. Besides, everyone can tell roughly whether something carries more fat and calories than other food. My friend protested, "that is because you have no idea what it is like to try to lose weight. It is really hard, and without counting it is impossible." I shut up afterwards. Indeed what perhaps comes easy to us or what we take for granted are rather difficult or unapproachable by others. Therefore, we should never take any good fortune for granted, as if we ourselves are the sole reason for earning them, be it health, youth, success, kids, family, love, friendship, etc. We are just lucky.
To be alive is to be lucky. To be alive and healthy is particularly lucky. I definitely don't want to go through life only to look back and regret that I have not noticed a lot of things. I recall a brief conversation I had with my friend Ying, in that we talked about why both of us wanted to pursue something academic. She crystallized the origin, "It is perhaps the only way for one to feel some kind of immortality, in that your work outlives you and can still have an impact." In other words, there is a sense of legacy.
I recall that the Chinese architect and poet Lin Huiyin mentioned that life was just meant to experience. She wanted to experience everything, and so in a way she did. When the Japanese invaded China, like other scholars, she and her family fled west. Her son later asked her what she would do if the Japanese got to where she lived, she said, "well, there is always a way out for Chinese scholars (meaning suicide)." Her son was shocked and perhaps felt a bit neglected, "well, what about us then?" She smiled and said, "well, I would not be able to do much about you in that case." While she was a stunning beauty as well as an extraordinarily talented and creative poet, she was also a very serious scholar and architect. Her son and daughter later talked about their mother being very different from how she was perceived by others. They remembered her as being constantly sick (she had tuberculosis which flared up on and off until he death from it at the age of 51), as well as often cranky largely due to her sickness. John Fairbanks and his wife Wilma Fairbanks were best friends with her and her husband Liang Sicheng. Wilma Fairbanks wrote a book "Liang and Lin".
Sometimes when I think about my career change, I wonder about my wish to have some kind of "legacy" with what I do, which partly defines me. Now that I have Winston, like other parents, I have a legacy in my son. But I can't live vicariously through him, and neither will he want me to when he grows up. My identity beyond being Winston's mother has to extend beyond that legacy. Business by definition is impermanent, transient and fickle. I will have to think about it...
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
After Reading a Times Article
I read with great interest the Times reporter Clifford Levy's article "My Family's Experiment in Extreme Schooling" (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/magazine/my-familys-experiment-in-extreme-schooling.html?_r=1&hpw). He talked about putting his three kids into a Russian school when they did not even speak Russian at the time. Needless to say, they were utterly miserable. Fast forward 5 years, they loved the school so much, doing well academically and socialized with the other kids as if they were Russian.
It reminds me of my childhood friend Marianne Mavrakis, whose parents taught French at Peking University for several years. I think our friendship started around the age of 7. She and her older sister were going to a school where most of the foreigners' kids attended. Back in the early 1980s, there were so few foreigners living in Beijing that there was no need for international schools. Nowadays in major cities like Beijing and Shanghai, international schools of all kinds grow like mushrooms. You can choose to go to any kind. Marianne spoke Chinese without a trace of accent. When I went to her place, she did all the translation, since her parents could not really communicate in Chinese. It's interesting how a child only pays attention to what interests her. I remember a lot of things Marianne and I did together. But I remember nothing about her father. The only memory I have of her mother from that period is the fact that she could bake really good apple pies, which I insisted getting a piece before going off to play with Marianne every time I get to their apartment. And the only memory I have of her sister Eve from that period is one time we hid underneath the bed and Eve came into the room looking for us and getting frustrated, to our great amusement. I was very sad when Marianne returned to France after her parents' assignment was finished. A few years later, she came to visit me for a summer, and she could no longer speak Chinese. Her sister Eve who's a few years older, still could speak very good Chinese. She too was in Beijing that summer, and had grown into a stunning beauty. That's the year when she perhaps got introduced to the movie industry, as Bernado Bertolucci was filming "The Last Emperor" in Beijing. Eve became an assistant to him. Later on, she worked as a production designer and met her future husband Ewan MacGregor. I attended Marianne's wedding in Carpentras in the south of France - but unfortunately have since lost touch with her again. By then, even her sister Eve had forgotten most of her Chinese.
One of my former investors who is living in Shanghai told me that it would be really sad if Winston does not grow up to speak perfect Chinese. He's an American business man who has decided to invest in China and raise his two boys to speak both English and Chinese perfectly. I suppose our own line of work render us biased in terms of what's most important. In his line of work, a perfect understanding of Chinese language and culture is something one cannot get at school, and yet of utmost importance. For a Chinese friend of mine who works at Google, she said that she could not understand the importance of teaching Chinese to the kids. Instead, she thinks that social skills are really important because she feels that it's an area of weakness for her. Michael of course predictably emphasizes science. As for me, I suppose that the chance of Winston following my footsteps or Michael's footsteps is very slim. But it will be wonderful to grow up exposed to dramatically different cultures, and to be completely Chinese in front of the Chinese, and completely American in front of the Americans.
Michael has not got tenure yet. When he does (I hope that he will), I am thinking that he should take his sabbatical either in China or somewhere in Europe. This way, all of us including Winston will be utterly immersed in a totally different culture for an extended period of time, instead of just a short vacation trip.
It reminds me of my childhood friend Marianne Mavrakis, whose parents taught French at Peking University for several years. I think our friendship started around the age of 7. She and her older sister were going to a school where most of the foreigners' kids attended. Back in the early 1980s, there were so few foreigners living in Beijing that there was no need for international schools. Nowadays in major cities like Beijing and Shanghai, international schools of all kinds grow like mushrooms. You can choose to go to any kind. Marianne spoke Chinese without a trace of accent. When I went to her place, she did all the translation, since her parents could not really communicate in Chinese. It's interesting how a child only pays attention to what interests her. I remember a lot of things Marianne and I did together. But I remember nothing about her father. The only memory I have of her mother from that period is the fact that she could bake really good apple pies, which I insisted getting a piece before going off to play with Marianne every time I get to their apartment. And the only memory I have of her sister Eve from that period is one time we hid underneath the bed and Eve came into the room looking for us and getting frustrated, to our great amusement. I was very sad when Marianne returned to France after her parents' assignment was finished. A few years later, she came to visit me for a summer, and she could no longer speak Chinese. Her sister Eve who's a few years older, still could speak very good Chinese. She too was in Beijing that summer, and had grown into a stunning beauty. That's the year when she perhaps got introduced to the movie industry, as Bernado Bertolucci was filming "The Last Emperor" in Beijing. Eve became an assistant to him. Later on, she worked as a production designer and met her future husband Ewan MacGregor. I attended Marianne's wedding in Carpentras in the south of France - but unfortunately have since lost touch with her again. By then, even her sister Eve had forgotten most of her Chinese.
One of my former investors who is living in Shanghai told me that it would be really sad if Winston does not grow up to speak perfect Chinese. He's an American business man who has decided to invest in China and raise his two boys to speak both English and Chinese perfectly. I suppose our own line of work render us biased in terms of what's most important. In his line of work, a perfect understanding of Chinese language and culture is something one cannot get at school, and yet of utmost importance. For a Chinese friend of mine who works at Google, she said that she could not understand the importance of teaching Chinese to the kids. Instead, she thinks that social skills are really important because she feels that it's an area of weakness for her. Michael of course predictably emphasizes science. As for me, I suppose that the chance of Winston following my footsteps or Michael's footsteps is very slim. But it will be wonderful to grow up exposed to dramatically different cultures, and to be completely Chinese in front of the Chinese, and completely American in front of the Americans.
Michael has not got tenure yet. When he does (I hope that he will), I am thinking that he should take his sabbatical either in China or somewhere in Europe. This way, all of us including Winston will be utterly immersed in a totally different culture for an extended period of time, instead of just a short vacation trip.
Monday, September 19, 2011
A Foreigner from Birth
Winston does not like going to his daycare center.
In the morning, when I come downstairs after a shower, he would notice me and say "I am not going to school", because that is exactly when I am getting ready to take him to daycare center.
When I ask him in a teasing way, "do you want Sabrina", "do you want Ms. Ashlee", "do you want Molly", he would say "no", since all these people are from daycare.But if I ask "do you want Abby" (my friend's daughter who's just a few months older), he would say "yes", because the only time he sees her is on weekends when he does not have to go to school.
This past weekend, I decided to take him to Palo Alto Junior Museum and Zoo. In the morning when I put him in the car seat, he said, "I don't want to go to school." I started driving, and instead of turning onto Stanford Avenue, I decided to drive by his school. He noticed that immediately, and started complaining, "no, no. I want to go that way. I don't want to go to school." By the time we got to the school, he was already quiet and resigned, thinking that it was another school day. But I drove by, and asked him to say "bye bye, school!" which he readily did.
Nowadays whenever he is with me, he talks non-stop even when he's just playing by himself. No wonder he prefers not to go to school since no one understands him. Just the other morning, one of his classmates told the teacher, "Winston is from China!" - Obviously he was saying something in Chinese that no one understood!
When he speaks English, he has a Chinese accent. But when he speaks Chinese, he has an American accent. His classmates think that he's from China, but he's never even been to China! Is he going to remain a foreigner everywhere?
In the morning, when I come downstairs after a shower, he would notice me and say "I am not going to school", because that is exactly when I am getting ready to take him to daycare center.
When I ask him in a teasing way, "do you want Sabrina", "do you want Ms. Ashlee", "do you want Molly", he would say "no", since all these people are from daycare.But if I ask "do you want Abby" (my friend's daughter who's just a few months older), he would say "yes", because the only time he sees her is on weekends when he does not have to go to school.
This past weekend, I decided to take him to Palo Alto Junior Museum and Zoo. In the morning when I put him in the car seat, he said, "I don't want to go to school." I started driving, and instead of turning onto Stanford Avenue, I decided to drive by his school. He noticed that immediately, and started complaining, "no, no. I want to go that way. I don't want to go to school." By the time we got to the school, he was already quiet and resigned, thinking that it was another school day. But I drove by, and asked him to say "bye bye, school!" which he readily did.
Nowadays whenever he is with me, he talks non-stop even when he's just playing by himself. No wonder he prefers not to go to school since no one understands him. Just the other morning, one of his classmates told the teacher, "Winston is from China!" - Obviously he was saying something in Chinese that no one understood!
When he speaks English, he has a Chinese accent. But when he speaks Chinese, he has an American accent. His classmates think that he's from China, but he's never even been to China! Is he going to remain a foreigner everywhere?
A "Scholarly" Exchange
A friend of mine Ying is a documentary filmmaker as well as a scholar of Chinese documentary films. I just read an interview she gave about her research at http://dgeneratefilms.com/academia/cinematalk-interview-with-ying-qian-of-harvard/. It took me a long time, because I did not know most of the subject matter of the films she mentioned. In addition, I do find the academic language hard to digest.
After reading it, I wrote her an email:
"I read the interview online you forwarded me, and it took me a while, partly because I don't know or have not seen any of the documentary films mentioned in the interview. From googling them and reading a little about them, I have found most of the subjects of these documenatary films to be rather heavy stuff - i.e. it kind of gets to you. I think perhaps I have an escapist attitude in that I intentionally do not watch any films that might get to me - e.g. I stay clear of all films by Jiang Zhangke, after watching "The World" which really depressed me. I also try to stay clear of Wang Xiaoshuai's films after watching "Beijing Bicycles" which also depressed me. Life is heavy enough that the most intellectual type of entertainment I am willing to try are Woody Allen's films.
But of course these documentary films are not meant to entertain - they are meant to educate and inform. I admire people who make it a living, because such heavy subject matter must also get to them as well - and in fact, if they did not care, they would not have made the films.
At the same time, I also wonder if perhaps this is a rather dangerous way of living, in that Iris Chang poured her passion into her work, and she was eventually consumed (literally) by her work. Of course in the end it's her depression that took her life, but look at what she was doing for a living - I don't think anyone in her shoes could have avoided depression.
Overall, i think most people (myself included) are really just chickens. We can't really look life in the eye and see for what it is. We need to believe in some kind of adult fairy tales, even if we know that they are not true. We want to believe that life is beautiful, because anything else would have been too hard to bear. And these documentary films (just by subject matter alone since I have seen none of them) tell the reality as it is, and perhaps too many of us simply don't have the courage to see the reality.
I can watch tragic films if they feel remote and impossible, and yet simultaneously approachable."
She wrote me back, and I found her perspective rather interesting and informative:
"Dear Sofie,
Thank you for taking the interview so seriously and reading about the films that it had mentioned. I agree with you that these filmmakers tackle very heavy stuff, but I think they tackle these topics, not because they are brave, but because they actually cannot escape the harsh reality living in China. In China, "real" filmmakers who have got lots of funding make blockbusters--these films are even worse than the Hollywood counterpart. They are fantasies through and through. These filmmakers have an additional incentive to escape reality--the fact that they can live such an easy life and make these films has to do with their willingness to cooperate with the state government, to paint a bright picture of a society that is far less from being bright.
Independent and documentary filmakers are a bunch of "losers"--honestly. They don't have the priviledged backgrounds that can get them normal success in the Chinese society. They live in that harsh reality they portray in their work. Or, even if they might have the capital to get successful and rich in the society, they might have some family grievances behind them, that they cannot rest in peace with the society. So portraying the pain of the society is often not a choice, but a necessity. Jia Zhangke has changed his filmmaking priorities considerably after he went from underground to above the ground, i.e. after his anguish went away due to improved conditions of work and living.
On another note, I think journalism in general has to look at the heavy side of society; and documentary cinema is part of journalism; even though they are more in-depth and may not follow the most up-to-date news items. So I suppose besides emotional anguish, there is also a professional mandate. They are like doctors fighting cancers of the society.
Iris Chang is a different case, however. I think there is a way to study a catastrophe without being totally emotionally sucked in. Iris Chang had a naivete about her, a naivete shared by many Asian Americans who grew up in a sympathetic, peaceful, and affluent America. This naivete, I believe, was what made her work on Nanjing a bit limited scholarly, being too much of a victim narrative; it also made her susceptible to the fervor of nationalism and fierce identification with the victims. A more seasoned researcher into the Nanjing massaccre would know that massacres had happened throughout human history; they were a staple of war and conquest. Not that the researcher must be cold-hearted towards the victims, but s/he would know that rendering the massacre as a horror story would not help. The world has heard many horror stories, and that has not stopped wars (Susan Sontag has a great essay on this topic, about the ineffectiveness of horror images to stop wars--US pulling out of the Vietnam War might be an exception, but the pull out only partially had to do with the demonstrations). The researcher must understand the mechanics of massacre, down to the most bureaucratic and practical level (as Hannah Arendt said, the evil is the most mundane), in order to know how we can prevent it from happening again.
I think we need both fairtales and reality to survive this world (and have our kids survive it too). I don't think Winston could understand the world's evils -- war, famine, climate change, illness... And it's better that he doesn't. But as adults we all have to shoulder realities. Your companies design drugs to fight disease--that's a big part of reality too. And only when we are in touch with realities can we really have the capacity to vote ..."
After reading it, I wrote her an email:
"I read the interview online you forwarded me, and it took me a while, partly because I don't know or have not seen any of the documentary films mentioned in the interview. From googling them and reading a little about them, I have found most of the subjects of these documenatary films to be rather heavy stuff - i.e. it kind of gets to you. I think perhaps I have an escapist attitude in that I intentionally do not watch any films that might get to me - e.g. I stay clear of all films by Jiang Zhangke, after watching "The World" which really depressed me. I also try to stay clear of Wang Xiaoshuai's films after watching "Beijing Bicycles" which also depressed me. Life is heavy enough that the most intellectual type of entertainment I am willing to try are Woody Allen's films.
But of course these documentary films are not meant to entertain - they are meant to educate and inform. I admire people who make it a living, because such heavy subject matter must also get to them as well - and in fact, if they did not care, they would not have made the films.
At the same time, I also wonder if perhaps this is a rather dangerous way of living, in that Iris Chang poured her passion into her work, and she was eventually consumed (literally) by her work. Of course in the end it's her depression that took her life, but look at what she was doing for a living - I don't think anyone in her shoes could have avoided depression.
Overall, i think most people (myself included) are really just chickens. We can't really look life in the eye and see for what it is. We need to believe in some kind of adult fairy tales, even if we know that they are not true. We want to believe that life is beautiful, because anything else would have been too hard to bear. And these documentary films (just by subject matter alone since I have seen none of them) tell the reality as it is, and perhaps too many of us simply don't have the courage to see the reality.
I can watch tragic films if they feel remote and impossible, and yet simultaneously approachable."
She wrote me back, and I found her perspective rather interesting and informative:
"Dear Sofie,
Thank you for taking the interview so seriously and reading about the films that it had mentioned. I agree with you that these filmmakers tackle very heavy stuff, but I think they tackle these topics, not because they are brave, but because they actually cannot escape the harsh reality living in China. In China, "real" filmmakers who have got lots of funding make blockbusters--these films are even worse than the Hollywood counterpart. They are fantasies through and through. These filmmakers have an additional incentive to escape reality--the fact that they can live such an easy life and make these films has to do with their willingness to cooperate with the state government, to paint a bright picture of a society that is far less from being bright.
Independent and documentary filmakers are a bunch of "losers"--honestly. They don't have the priviledged backgrounds that can get them normal success in the Chinese society. They live in that harsh reality they portray in their work. Or, even if they might have the capital to get successful and rich in the society, they might have some family grievances behind them, that they cannot rest in peace with the society. So portraying the pain of the society is often not a choice, but a necessity. Jia Zhangke has changed his filmmaking priorities considerably after he went from underground to above the ground, i.e. after his anguish went away due to improved conditions of work and living.
On another note, I think journalism in general has to look at the heavy side of society; and documentary cinema is part of journalism; even though they are more in-depth and may not follow the most up-to-date news items. So I suppose besides emotional anguish, there is also a professional mandate. They are like doctors fighting cancers of the society.
Iris Chang is a different case, however. I think there is a way to study a catastrophe without being totally emotionally sucked in. Iris Chang had a naivete about her, a naivete shared by many Asian Americans who grew up in a sympathetic, peaceful, and affluent America. This naivete, I believe, was what made her work on Nanjing a bit limited scholarly, being too much of a victim narrative; it also made her susceptible to the fervor of nationalism and fierce identification with the victims. A more seasoned researcher into the Nanjing massaccre would know that massacres had happened throughout human history; they were a staple of war and conquest. Not that the researcher must be cold-hearted towards the victims, but s/he would know that rendering the massacre as a horror story would not help. The world has heard many horror stories, and that has not stopped wars (Susan Sontag has a great essay on this topic, about the ineffectiveness of horror images to stop wars--US pulling out of the Vietnam War might be an exception, but the pull out only partially had to do with the demonstrations). The researcher must understand the mechanics of massacre, down to the most bureaucratic and practical level (as Hannah Arendt said, the evil is the most mundane), in order to know how we can prevent it from happening again.
I think we need both fairtales and reality to survive this world (and have our kids survive it too). I don't think Winston could understand the world's evils -- war, famine, climate change, illness... And it's better that he doesn't. But as adults we all have to shoulder realities. Your companies design drugs to fight disease--that's a big part of reality too. And only when we are in touch with realities can we really have the capacity to vote ..."
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Chinese Version of Real Life "Mean Girls"
The other day, I had lunch with a friend of mine from my class in chemistry at Peking University. There were about 10 girls in our class from Beijing, and we noticed that 70% have been through a divorce by now. The percentage is much higher than any other groups we know.
We started discussing why, by analyzing the differences. How were they different from girls in our class from other provinces? How were they different from girls in the biology department who are also from Beijing? Finally I realized that effectively it was a Chinese version of real-life "Mean Girls".
It was all about what was considered "cool". To study hard and plan for a future? - Totally not cool. To find someone who may be a compatible husband? - Absolutely unromantic. To take things seriously? - So boring. Going with one's feelings of the moment was celebrated as the "cool" thing to do, and so was taking an irreverent attitude to any conventional pursuits. Interestingly, the front-runners in this pack (i.e. perhaps the Rachel McAdams equivalent) were finished with this "cool" phase soon after graduation from college. They got married without thinking too much, perhaps due to that irreverent attitude. But they divorced quickly, grew up, finally learned what their nagging and boring parents had been telling them all along - in their own circuitous way - found compatible and responsible husbands, focused on keeping a stable job and devoted themselves to the family life. The others who went through a divorce much later are not as fortunate.
Indeed there is a good argument to be made for "arranged marriages", although in our modern times it will never work. While we can try our best to teach our kids to keep in mind what matters most based on our own experience, chances are that they will have to learn those lessons through their own painful experiences, their own trials and errors, and according to their own timelines. Yes it might be agonizing for us parents to watch, but we perhaps have to let things take their own courses. Approval from their peers will at one point become even more important than approval from their parents. Besides, how else do they get a feeling that they have "grown up" and become "independent thinkers" except for to do what the parents told them not to? Unless we teach them to not think for themselves, chances are that their first few attempts at independent thinking will be wrong.
I may sound like that I am mentally prepared for Winston's mistakes. But I do shudder at the thought of any new versions of "Mean Girls" that might involve Winston. I guess it will be called "Mean Boys" instead.
We started discussing why, by analyzing the differences. How were they different from girls in our class from other provinces? How were they different from girls in the biology department who are also from Beijing? Finally I realized that effectively it was a Chinese version of real-life "Mean Girls".
It was all about what was considered "cool". To study hard and plan for a future? - Totally not cool. To find someone who may be a compatible husband? - Absolutely unromantic. To take things seriously? - So boring. Going with one's feelings of the moment was celebrated as the "cool" thing to do, and so was taking an irreverent attitude to any conventional pursuits. Interestingly, the front-runners in this pack (i.e. perhaps the Rachel McAdams equivalent) were finished with this "cool" phase soon after graduation from college. They got married without thinking too much, perhaps due to that irreverent attitude. But they divorced quickly, grew up, finally learned what their nagging and boring parents had been telling them all along - in their own circuitous way - found compatible and responsible husbands, focused on keeping a stable job and devoted themselves to the family life. The others who went through a divorce much later are not as fortunate.
Indeed there is a good argument to be made for "arranged marriages", although in our modern times it will never work. While we can try our best to teach our kids to keep in mind what matters most based on our own experience, chances are that they will have to learn those lessons through their own painful experiences, their own trials and errors, and according to their own timelines. Yes it might be agonizing for us parents to watch, but we perhaps have to let things take their own courses. Approval from their peers will at one point become even more important than approval from their parents. Besides, how else do they get a feeling that they have "grown up" and become "independent thinkers" except for to do what the parents told them not to? Unless we teach them to not think for themselves, chances are that their first few attempts at independent thinking will be wrong.
I may sound like that I am mentally prepared for Winston's mistakes. But I do shudder at the thought of any new versions of "Mean Girls" that might involve Winston. I guess it will be called "Mean Boys" instead.
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