Remembrance of Things Past

Quite a few friends have told me that I ought to document my experience with Winston as he’s growing up, because I will seriously regret it later, when I don’t have anything at hand to refresh my memory. Videos and photos are necessary but still insufficient. While a picture is often worth a thousand words, pictures cannot capture thoughts and feelings.

In a discussion with a friend, we both lamented how our memories were not as sharp as before – is this the onset of middle-age (I rather dread the word)? Talking about fond memories, I brought up the old times when we used to go to this port in Rhode Island to buy freshly caught lobsters and crabs directly from the fishing boats. “I can’t remember the name of that place, “ I said. While it was such a trivial matter, somehow I felt that if I could remember the name of that port, then my memory might still be intact, and more importantly, those memories of the “good old time” might stay with me forever. I thought long and hard, and finally remembered, “It is Galilee!”

But my memory will get worse – it is a matter of life. So as I am writing this, what are some of the fond memories I still have that I do not want to forget? …

When I was about 10 or 11, the evening before Chinese New Year’s eve, I was playing soccer with a classmate. I never played soccer before that and I have not played again afterwards. I was having a lot of fun, and it was getting dark. Maybe if I think really hard, I might be able to remember what my friend was wearing at the time…I don’t know what happened to that friend after high-school.

When I was 12 and in middle school, I participated in the city-wide mathematics competition one Sunday. I felt that I did a great job (indeed I came in 9th in the whole city) and spent the rest of the day playing with my best friend. That evening, after a whole afternoon of fun, my best friend and were walking nearby her home. The peach blossoms were in full bloom by the street. My friend was much more daring than I was, and while no one was watching, she cut some branches from the tree and gave them to me, because I said how much I wanted to pick some and take them home. I was thrilled. I am still in touch with her, who is now dividing her time between Vancouver and Beijing.

When I was 16, I was an academic star at my high-school, participating in all these competitions in math, physics and chemistry. While I was perhaps getting the best grades, one boy in my class was constantly getting teachers’ attention by asking inquisitive and creative questions. He attracted my attention, because I felt that while he had not by that time, he might beat me one of these days in physics! I ended up paying a lot of attention to him and gradually developed a crush on him. We would go to the chemistry Olympic school (a special school to prepare for chemistry competitions) together after class. One evening after class, we biked home together, and right before we were about to part ways, he stopped and looked at me, and said something that made me blush. I cannot remember exactly what he said, because I was all nervous and excited at the time. But I do remember that his eyes were looking directly at me – a teenage boy’s clear, big and innocent eyes. I would toss and turn almost all night that night, delirious with happiness. I am no longer in touch with this high-school friend, but my mom (amazingly) still is!

When I was working at Genzyme (my first job after graduate school), Michael and I would take about 2 trips every year to New York City to visit friends. On one of those trips, we played cards until 2 am, and I remember Michael telling me as we got ready for bed, “oh it’s been so much fun. I can’t believe how much cards we played! ” He sounded like a little kid that could not contain his excitement after getting a great birthday present. I am still in touch with these friends, who still live in New York! But I don’t think it’s possible for us to play cards until 2 am any more, as they now have kids!

Around the same time, we would go to Rhode Island to visit a friend. We would go to Galilee to buy crabs and lobsters directly from the fishing boats, and then steam them at her house. It was incredibly fun, and of course we would play cards afterwards. – That was in the summer. In the winter, she and I went skiing together. That was when I led her down a blue trail, with her falling every step of the way down the hill! It was hilarious and unforgettable. I am still in touch with this friend, who now lives in the UK after a stint of 3 years in Beijing. In fact, in recent years, I have seen her more often than friends living on the east coast!

On Friday, April 13, 2007, the day when the initial financing closed on the company I started from scratch a year before, I went to lunch with a friend at a local Rubio’s in La Jolla. It was so sunny and beautiful, the air fragrant with the smell of spring. He was giving me some advice and suggestions about the company, and I was listening, digesting and fully enjoying the ice tea and the fish tacos!

And of course, Winston’s big hearty laugh at anything that he found ridiculously funny at the time…

And there are more…

Looking back, I realize that these fond memories of mine are not even significant moments. Surely I had amazing fun on my vacation trips with Michael to so many places like England, France, Puerto Rico, Hawaii, China, Southeast Asia, Taiwan, Australia, Italy, Spain, Prague/Vienna, not to mention numerous National Parks in the United States. Surely I was ecstatic when I was admitted to Harvard in 1992 from China. Surely I was happy on my wedding day. Surely I was happy to have received offers from McKinsey and BCG, being so naïve and ignorant about business in general back then. Surely I was thrilled more because of the close of financing on my startup company than the leisure lunch at Rubio’s afterwards. And surely my heart was filled with joy at the first sight of Winston.

But somehow, those big events are not among the sweet memories defining a past that with time has looked even sweeter. Maybe life is indeed all about the little things. Does it mean at our deathbeds, all that flash in front of our eyes are seemingly trivial moments of our lives?