I Need to Watch Some Real Comedies!

When I was about 9 or 10, a very popular movie at the time was called “Reaching Middle Age”. It was overall a tragedy, describing a middle-aged doctor almost broken by the heavy responsibilities on her shoulders from work and from home. The heroine was played by Pan Hong, an actress who seems to embody tragic beauty. She would give a tired or understanding smile, but she would never laugh, and it was hard for me to imagine how someone like her could ever have a belly laugh.

I also remember reading somewhere that the least happy period of one’s life is the middle age, because the excitement that accompanies limitless opportunities and hope is gone with the youth, and the satisfaction from having fulfilled most of one’s responsibilities is not there yet, with the unhappiness often exacerbated by the numerous daily tasks that remind one of his/her responsibilities at work, at home, for the parents, for the kids, for the spouse, for the siblings, and for perhaps some other relatives and friends. For support and advice, we can no longer rely on the parents for support and advice, because they are too old. The kids? – Too young. The spouse? – Too busy. The siblings? – Too distant. Other relatives and friends? – Well, we can only bother them so much, as they are in the same situation themselves!

We have all been taught the importance of independence from an early age, presumably because naturally as social animals, we human beings are not exactly born to be independent. We can think and feel independently of others, and we don’t like others to interfere with our business, but we don’t like to be alone either. All of a sudden, I find myself in the position of huge responsibilities towards the generation above and the generation below. I find myself the source of strengths for others - if my strength fails me, it will fail not only myself but also others.

As I am writing it, we are in the midst of an economic recession, which has had a negative effect on almost every sector. That has direct implications to the company I started, and this topic weighs heavily on my mind. My son Winston obviously is completely dependent on his parents, and we have to be there for him in every sense of the word. We can never be lazy and say, “well today I am too tired and I want to take a break so he will have to make do without me.” My mom is getting old, but as a woman who has been used to her way of life, she does not want to come over to the States, which means that she will only have my sister nearby in case anything happens. My sister has not been happy, and has recently been upset at both my mom and me, either due to miscommunication, or perhaps other more serious reasons. Michael started his faculty job at Stanford when the government is short on money, which makes an already stressful career even more stressful.

Since I started subscribing to Netflix, I have watched quite a few old movies, many of which are completely forgettable. “Summer Hours” by Olivier Assayas from France – I am amazed that such movies can be made since they are truly about nothing. “The Personals” starring Rene Liu from Taiwan – I realized that I had seen it before, which shows how boring it is. “The International” is presumably a thriller with hot stars like Naomi Watts and Clive Owen, but I have already completely forgotten what it was about. Unfortunately the only movie that I can remember is a sad one from Germany “Cherry Blossums”, exploring life and death, happiness and sorrow, hopes and regrets. I was haunted by the tragic undertone of the movie that I woke up at 3 am this morning, unable to fall asleep again. All I could think of was how ironic that in this one movie both husband and wife had to learn to deal with the other person’s death, one in prospect and the other in reality. I thought to myself, “ this is all too morbid. I need to watch some comedies!”

Not surprisingly, my favorite comedian is Woody Allen, whose comedies are not exactly the most lighthearted. Maybe what he said captures the lows I have been feeling and the weight I have been feeling about life with my responsibilities at this stage of my life:

“Most of life is tragic. You're born, you don't know why. You're here, you don't know why. You go, you die. Your family dies. Your friends die. People suffer. People live in constant terror. The world is full of poverty and corruption and war and Nazis and tsunamis. The net result, the final count is, you lose - you don't beat the house.”

I need to watch some real comedies!