The Origin of Defensiveness

I have observed that the most defensive people often are at their MOST defensive in areas where they are actually weak or have self doubts, or they are to blame. But if you ask them, they will claim that they are most defensive because they are certain that they are right and everyone else is wrong.

All of us have moments of defensiveness. Sometimes we know that we were defensive moments later. Sometimes we don't know. Sometimes we still believe that we are right even afterwards, and it would take us months if not years later to realize that we were actually wrong.

Is it really because we feel so confident about ourselves that we get defensive about criticism? When I think about areas where I am absolutely confident, I realize that I don't get defensive in those areas. But I am not absolutely confident in many areas - I have a reasonable amount of confidence in several areas.

Indeed, we may get defensive about different things with different people, but the fundamental origin of defensiveness is the same. It is a sense of insecurity  - therefore subconsciously we take up a defensive position to protect our vulnerable egos. Had we had the confidence that accepting responsibility would only make us look better instead of worse, had we had the confidence that we can make ourselves understood with real dialogues, we would not have got defensive.

No wonder those who are less defensive are more successful at work, at home and in the society overall. It is a sign of maturity.