My mom has been here to help me with Winston for a month by now, and will be here for another month. While many people I know have troubled relationships with their parents, I have been most fortunate in having a great one with my mom, largely due to her.
I am perhaps overall more exact and demanding on many aspects of childcare and housework. That is a territory that usually creates the most conflicts. Many of my friends complain about their parents or parents-in-law for being either too demanding, too old-fashioned, too nagging, or too un-yielding in their own ways to the point that they are effectively a destructive and annoying presence, especially when they play the "guilt" card (i.e. we raised you and therefore how can you treat us like this, etc, etc). One of my friends once jokingly said to me, "most Chinese grandparents create trouble or misery for their kids, even though they think they are not. My parents don't, because they know never to voice opinions on my household matters or childcare, and that makes them perhaps the top 10 percentile of the Chinese grandparents. Your mother not only does not create any headache for you, she does everything better than you could ask for and all, and even help alleviate the mental stress in your life. That makes her the top 1 percentile of the grandparents."
Indeed on that front, I have been very lucky. I can't imagine what life would have been like this past month without my mom being here to help take care of a sick Winston meticulously (and in many ways even better than I have, which I cannot say about anyone else), while cooking nice meals (she thinks that we don't eat well enough) and keeping the house clean and tidy. Except for when Winston is sleeping, my mom never rests. And most importantly, during this month of constant sickness of Winston (he went through a bad cold, a thrush and a most nerve-racking case of obsessively chewing the inside of his mouth as an aftermath of thrush), she's been providing a ton of emotional support and sharing her wisdom on life.
When I told my mom that my friend considers her the top 1 percentile of the parents of our generation, she characteristically dismissed it as impossible. She has no idea how many people in our generation are miserable because of the parents! :)
Friday, December 9, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
The Occupy
I might be one of the least informed people in America. It was not until after a friend of mine in Boston who mentioned the Occupy did I look up the web to see what it was all about.
As a PhD student at Harvard, she has been observing the Occupy and listening to the various lectures given there. With her characteristically confessional style, she wrote, "Having been an "elite" all my life, I have found it hard to admit that I have failed on multiple fronts in the past few years. However, a populist movement like "Occupy" makes me realize that people with failures not only must work hard to win victory in the end, but also must realize that in fact, this is an experience shared by 99% of the people. There is nothing shameful about it; instead that's why we need each other's "solidarity." And most importantly, these social standards of success and failure should not influence personal relationships, which are built on totally different parameters of commitment, understanding, and selflessness."
We human beings like to measure everything. There is always a 99 percentile in every measurement. I find it interesting that the Occupy is a big thing at Harvard, whereas here at Stanford I don't see anything. Is it possible that the Stanford students are fancying themselves to start the next wave of Facebook, Google and Apple that they would never consider the possibility of themselves being part of the 99%?
I am not proud of myself when it comes political involvement. I find it too frustrating to get involved. On the one hand, I abhor the callousness of the Republican agenda, and lament how effective they have preyed on the fears, bias and insecurity of the poor Americans to vote for a party that actually never will take care of them. On the other hand, I am dismayed at the ineffectiveness of government, as well as the widespread abuse of various welfare programs. The finances are getting bankrupt, first and foremost by the unnecessary wars, and then by the bleeding programs that take care of people who have never and will never generate a positive return on these investments from the government. Not that I have any great solution, but every time I am frustrated by politics, I think of Winston Churchill's quote, "One way to turn you against democracy is to talk to a few people on the street." Indeed - people care about their own personal welfare TODAY, instead of what is right, fair and good for the long run. No wonder the officials they elect can only implement policies that cater to the short-term desires or paranoia of the people. I support taking care of the poor and implementing programs to lift them out of poverty. Ironically, the cheap solution is to give them checks, whereas the expensive solution is to provide the means to help those who want to gain a skill and get a job do so. But we all see inefficiency and sometimes ineptitude at all levels and branches of government.
Then I thought, " if the top 1% of the country would choose government service instead of being turned away by politics, we should have much better policy-making and policy-implementation, and that in turn will be best for 99% of the population."
Given that human beings are not naturally selfless, I am effectively proposing something that will never get done - make the government the best paying jobs so that we will have the best performing government to best serve 99% of the population.
As a PhD student at Harvard, she has been observing the Occupy and listening to the various lectures given there. With her characteristically confessional style, she wrote, "Having been an "elite" all my life, I have found it hard to admit that I have failed on multiple fronts in the past few years. However, a populist movement like "Occupy" makes me realize that people with failures not only must work hard to win victory in the end, but also must realize that in fact, this is an experience shared by 99% of the people. There is nothing shameful about it; instead that's why we need each other's "solidarity." And most importantly, these social standards of success and failure should not influence personal relationships, which are built on totally different parameters of commitment, understanding, and selflessness."
We human beings like to measure everything. There is always a 99 percentile in every measurement. I find it interesting that the Occupy is a big thing at Harvard, whereas here at Stanford I don't see anything. Is it possible that the Stanford students are fancying themselves to start the next wave of Facebook, Google and Apple that they would never consider the possibility of themselves being part of the 99%?
I am not proud of myself when it comes political involvement. I find it too frustrating to get involved. On the one hand, I abhor the callousness of the Republican agenda, and lament how effective they have preyed on the fears, bias and insecurity of the poor Americans to vote for a party that actually never will take care of them. On the other hand, I am dismayed at the ineffectiveness of government, as well as the widespread abuse of various welfare programs. The finances are getting bankrupt, first and foremost by the unnecessary wars, and then by the bleeding programs that take care of people who have never and will never generate a positive return on these investments from the government. Not that I have any great solution, but every time I am frustrated by politics, I think of Winston Churchill's quote, "One way to turn you against democracy is to talk to a few people on the street." Indeed - people care about their own personal welfare TODAY, instead of what is right, fair and good for the long run. No wonder the officials they elect can only implement policies that cater to the short-term desires or paranoia of the people. I support taking care of the poor and implementing programs to lift them out of poverty. Ironically, the cheap solution is to give them checks, whereas the expensive solution is to provide the means to help those who want to gain a skill and get a job do so. But we all see inefficiency and sometimes ineptitude at all levels and branches of government.
Then I thought, " if the top 1% of the country would choose government service instead of being turned away by politics, we should have much better policy-making and policy-implementation, and that in turn will be best for 99% of the population."
Given that human beings are not naturally selfless, I am effectively proposing something that will never get done - make the government the best paying jobs so that we will have the best performing government to best serve 99% of the population.
One Day
I wish that I were still reading books. But I am a slow reader, and as a result I try to watch a movie adaption if I have any interest in a book. The other day, I watched the movie "One Day" based on David Nicholls' novel of the same title. It chronicles the lives of two people over a span of 20 years, on the same day every year - July 15. The predictable element is that the two people were destined to be together finally after many twists and turns of events, but eventually it was not a fairy tale of "they then live happily ever after". I found the movie rather light and even sometimes a bit tedious. Yet on the other hand, I found myself drawn to it, only partly because of Anne Hathaway's wonderful British accent. Then it occurred to me - it was in a way much closer to real life than most of those Hollywood romantic comedies.
In fact, I just have to reference what the literary critics wrote about the book, in order to explain why I bothered to watch the whole movie from beginning to end. John O'Connell writes, "For, in spite of its comic gloss, One Day is really about loneliness and the casual savagery of fate; the tragic gap between youthful aspiration and the compromises that we end up tolerating. Not for nothing has Nicholls said that it was inspired by Thomas Hardy."
Yes, "One Day" may be a love story, but it’s no fairytale, as it portrays the dark side of growing up, the disillusionment, regrets and random cruelty of life.
According to Jonathan Coe, "It's rare to find a novel which ranges over the recent past with such authority, and even rarer to find one in which the two leading characters are drawn with such solidity, such painful fidelity, to real life."
In fact, I just have to reference what the literary critics wrote about the book, in order to explain why I bothered to watch the whole movie from beginning to end. John O'Connell writes, "For, in spite of its comic gloss, One Day is really about loneliness and the casual savagery of fate; the tragic gap between youthful aspiration and the compromises that we end up tolerating. Not for nothing has Nicholls said that it was inspired by Thomas Hardy."
Yes, "One Day" may be a love story, but it’s no fairytale, as it portrays the dark side of growing up, the disillusionment, regrets and random cruelty of life.
According to Jonathan Coe, "It's rare to find a novel which ranges over the recent past with such authority, and even rarer to find one in which the two leading characters are drawn with such solidity, such painful fidelity, to real life."
A Serial Entrepreneur
A college friend was in town for business and dropped by for a visit. He is a serial entrepreneur. The first company was a success. The second one was a failure. Now he is on his third. He met his wife at his first start-up company. Then they tried to do the second startup together. As is well-known in the entrepreneurial world, one should never do a startup with the spouse, because either the company will fail, or the marriage will, and most likely, both will. Unfortunately in his case, both did. Now he bounced back with his third startup, which seems to be doing really well on all fronts.
When we chatted, I noticed that his mind would always go back to his company. We could be chatting about life and other people, and then he would look at his iPhone, and said, "this is what happens. If I am away on a plane, the minute I get off, I will have 200 emails waiting for me." Or he would ask about the competency of my former CFO. Or he would summarize the number of customers he had already got. In a way, for someone who's not in his field and very much IT illiterate, I have to say that it was a bit too much for me.
Then it occurred to me that I was probably just like that myself. What is euphemistically described as singular focus and dedication at work could very well be considered obsession in social settings.
When we chatted, I noticed that his mind would always go back to his company. We could be chatting about life and other people, and then he would look at his iPhone, and said, "this is what happens. If I am away on a plane, the minute I get off, I will have 200 emails waiting for me." Or he would ask about the competency of my former CFO. Or he would summarize the number of customers he had already got. In a way, for someone who's not in his field and very much IT illiterate, I have to say that it was a bit too much for me.
Then it occurred to me that I was probably just like that myself. What is euphemistically described as singular focus and dedication at work could very well be considered obsession in social settings.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
40 Under 40
Today I noticed that Michael's sister's husband has been selected as one of the "40 under 40" in the silicon valley - the up and coming rising stars across industries and disciplines - http://www.bizjournals.com/sanjose/news/2011/11/30/40-under-40-kevin-zwick.html. I just think that is so utterly cool. His line of work is very much foreign to me, but still, it sounds fantastic.
I remember that back in 2002 when I first joined Syrrx, the founder Nathaniel David had just been selected as one of the TR 100 - the top 100 innovators in 2002 under the age of 35 by MIT Technology Review. As an MIT alum, I automatically get Technology Review. They have since changed it to TR 35, presumably because they don't think they want to extend the honor to 100 people instead of just 35. You know that you are a nerd if you recognize more people on TR 35 than "40 under 40".
Right now, I am just lamenting that I have lost the chance to be on anyone of those lists since I have already turned 40 this year. So much for lack of opportunity to showcase my vanity, of which I have plenty.
But presumably, now I am no longer considered young and inexperienced!
I remember that back in 2002 when I first joined Syrrx, the founder Nathaniel David had just been selected as one of the TR 100 - the top 100 innovators in 2002 under the age of 35 by MIT Technology Review. As an MIT alum, I automatically get Technology Review. They have since changed it to TR 35, presumably because they don't think they want to extend the honor to 100 people instead of just 35. You know that you are a nerd if you recognize more people on TR 35 than "40 under 40".
Right now, I am just lamenting that I have lost the chance to be on anyone of those lists since I have already turned 40 this year. So much for lack of opportunity to showcase my vanity, of which I have plenty.
But presumably, now I am no longer considered young and inexperienced!
The Luxury of Vanity
Earlier today, a friend of mine had a quick chat with me, and mentioned that due to the fact that they could not refinance their home right now, she could not go out and furnish their house nicely and buy a great wardrobe. She honestly added that it was perhaps not important after all, and as usual, she added some self-criticism, "it might be due to my insecurity about not looking good in front of others."
I thought to myself - I have not bothered to nicely furnish the house or to buy new clothes for as long as I can remember - which was right before Winston's birth. But does it reflect a sense of security or lack of vanity on my part? Actually, no. It is really only because I have had no mental or physical bandwidth to even worry about those things.
When another friend in Boston wrote me to complain about work and challenge of raising a teenage daughter, we had a conversation on mid-life crisis. She asked me if I had any sense of mid-life crisis. I wrote back, and tried to be funny - not exactly my area of strength.
"I totally feel like I am in a middle-age crisis, except that I don't have the curiosity for a fancy car, an affair, or an exotic adventure.
I just want a regular, boring, and reliable Japanese car in which I can drive without worrying about whether there is enough electricity left to go to the destination (Michael bought this all electric Nissan Leaf and it can only go for about 80 miles on one charge - mind you, there is no gas station on the way where you can gas up so i have to calculate and plan well ahead of time and it takes overnight to charge it up). BTW, I drove that electric car into the bushes right in front of Winston's daycare center, ruining the bushes and knocking off a post, making me a notorious mother at this Stanford daycare center - I was previously utterly obscure in that circle.
I just want a husband who makes plenty of money to provide security and does all the housework plus at least half of childcare, while having to work at most five days a week (instead of at least 80 hours a week), and utterly devoted to his wife, because he wisely knows that "anyone I think that may be better for me out there is definitely going to be much worse than my wife".
I just want to have a peaceful routine life without any trips that require planning and extra work, in which Winston is always happy, healthy and developmentally on track and normal (none of these sicknesses, allergies, or obsessions with a certain pattern of playing that make me wonder if he's developing early OCD), and Michael and I do not argue over utterly petty things while resorting to big and lofty principles in the arguments."
So there, I probably have more vanity than my friend, but I have not had the luxury to showcase it! :)
I thought to myself - I have not bothered to nicely furnish the house or to buy new clothes for as long as I can remember - which was right before Winston's birth. But does it reflect a sense of security or lack of vanity on my part? Actually, no. It is really only because I have had no mental or physical bandwidth to even worry about those things.
When another friend in Boston wrote me to complain about work and challenge of raising a teenage daughter, we had a conversation on mid-life crisis. She asked me if I had any sense of mid-life crisis. I wrote back, and tried to be funny - not exactly my area of strength.
"I totally feel like I am in a middle-age crisis, except that I don't have the curiosity for a fancy car, an affair, or an exotic adventure.
I just want a regular, boring, and reliable Japanese car in which I can drive without worrying about whether there is enough electricity left to go to the destination (Michael bought this all electric Nissan Leaf and it can only go for about 80 miles on one charge - mind you, there is no gas station on the way where you can gas up so i have to calculate and plan well ahead of time and it takes overnight to charge it up). BTW, I drove that electric car into the bushes right in front of Winston's daycare center, ruining the bushes and knocking off a post, making me a notorious mother at this Stanford daycare center - I was previously utterly obscure in that circle.
I just want a husband who makes plenty of money to provide security and does all the housework plus at least half of childcare, while having to work at most five days a week (instead of at least 80 hours a week), and utterly devoted to his wife, because he wisely knows that "anyone I think that may be better for me out there is definitely going to be much worse than my wife".
I just want to have a peaceful routine life without any trips that require planning and extra work, in which Winston is always happy, healthy and developmentally on track and normal (none of these sicknesses, allergies, or obsessions with a certain pattern of playing that make me wonder if he's developing early OCD), and Michael and I do not argue over utterly petty things while resorting to big and lofty principles in the arguments."
So there, I probably have more vanity than my friend, but I have not had the luxury to showcase it! :)
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