Anne-Marie Slaughter's article in the Atlantic "Why Women Still Can't Have it All" unleashed a lot of debates. She's certainly been very successful in her line of work, and she sensibly advocates for policy change to accommodate the challenge of motherhood. But she also makes it clear that perhaps there is no real substitute for a mother at certain points of a kid's life. With some kids, it may be at the infant stage if the kid is premature or has some health issues. With others, it may be during the difficult teenage years as in Anne-Marie Slaughter's case. Those who completely outsource their kids to others or simply delegate them to grandparents sometimes have great luck in which case their delegates do a great job of raising the kids, as in the case of Katharine Graham's own parents. Well, let me qualify that statement by saying that Katharine Graham has turned out phenomenal, with her own siblings having various issues in their lives with their parents. But more often than not, these parents find themselves regretting later in life when the kids practically tell them that it's their fault not to have been there.
Almost soon afterwards, we read about the high-profile appointment of Marissa Mayer as CEO of Yahoo!. Her first baby is due this October, and she made a point of telling the public that she will hardly take any time off and work through the maternity leave. That of course has elicited a lot of discussion, with some criticizing her for sending the wrong message, some applauding her courage, and still others wondering if she knows what she is going through.
As for myself, I find myself feeling a bit ambivalent about Marissa Mayer's message. On the one hand, it is totally her own business how much time she wants to take off after giving birth, and surely she can afford the world's best nannies and housekeepers to do a much better job than she can in terms of childcare and housework. On the other hand, I feel slightly frustrated.
I feel frustrated because sometimes I find myself compared to women who are struggling with a full-time job while taking care of two kids mostly by themselves, with hardly any hired help. Of course these women never think of comparing themselves to Marissa Mayer, because they know that they will never be promoted as fast as their male colleagues whose wives are also taking a slow pace at work.
But I also feel frustrated because most other times I find myself compared (subconsciously or by lectures from others) to successful women like Marissa Mayer and Sheryl Sandberg, who of course are utterly amazing in their careers and have made it before they encounter motherhood. It would seem that I should be able to leave my son behind for extended period of time without worrying, but my nanny got paid a fraction of the super nannies of the rich, who presumably are not only incredibly experienced but also willing to go beyond the call of the duty if for no other reason but the ridiculously high salary. And by the way, my nanny got paid even a little higher than the average. But the key word is "average".
Therefore, I have to say that Anne-Marie Slaughter does send the right message in her article in that she makes it clear that it is not a good idea to compare point by point what a super successful woman can do with her family after she's become super successful. The fact that Marissa Mayer will plan to take very little time off is amazing, but the amazing part is due to her making it to the top of the corporate echelon. That is not something that anyone can accomplish. As she can afford the world's best team of nannies, nurses, tutors, child psychologists and housekeepers, perhaps the first few years of her kid's life should turn out better than most without her being around as much. In fact, these early advantages may prevent the troubles that Anne-Marie Slaughter's kids went through in their teenage years. After all, when her kids were little, she was working perhaps as hard as Marissa Mayer, but without the millions to afford a world-class professional team for the kids.
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