All About My Mother

I am a huge fan of Pedro Almodovar's films. I love it that all the women in his films are smart, strong and absolutely wonderful in their own ways. I consider myself a modern woman, whose mother has been ahead of her times. As I wrote in the acknowledgment section of my PhD thesis, without my mother I would not have been who I am or what I am today, and I can only hope to be half of the woman she is.

In a way, my appreciation for my mother has grown partly because I see how others around me have such big issues with their own mothers. They tell me how much they envy my close relationship with my mother, and how my mother leaves me alone to do what I like without making annoying, unwanted or even toxic comments. In the old days, I thought that it was because my mother loved me more than these mothers love their own kids. But now I have come to realize that it's actually due to my mother's unusual wisdom. She should have been born and raised in America instead of China, for she would have fit right in.

She made a point of having her own life, and not trying to tie her life to mine. She wants her independence and her own life. Therefore, unlike many other Asian parents, she does not blackmail me with these toxic comments, "I have raised you and therefore you should pay me back." If she thinks that she's capable of helping me temporarily, she does her very best. Whenever she's here in the US helping me with Winston, she is more careful and vigilant with Winston than even I am. But when she feels that she needs to take care of her own health, she requests that I find help from others, and if necessary spend a lot of money on getting the best help for Winston. She has never been rich, but she knows how to spend money at the right place without being stupidly stingy. Since she sticks to her ground, she will never blame me for ruining her life, or giving her trouble either. Whatever she has agreed to do, she will never use it against me to make me feel guilty. She takes responsibility for her own choices and decisions, and she does not blame others.

Yes, she is a bit like the women in Pedro Almodavar's films - strong, wise, feisty, incredibly wise but not without imperfections.