Lessons Learned

Since my son's diagnosis with high-functioning autism, I have been thinking non-stop about what I could have done differently, and of course, what I should do differently going forward. It's been over a year now. People say that hindsight is often 100%, and it's true.

I know quite a few successful people being very open about their kids' issues, and in turn, they make the most heroic effort, leaving no regrets behind on helping their kids. That's one thing I learned - looking for excuses to refute the diagnosis only could be harmful to the kids. It's often insecurity and vanity rather than love for the kids that leads to the denial. 

Of course, the excuse made is often along the lines of "making the kid feel that he's normal". This cop-out never works in real life, in that only when we help the kids become normal can they truly feel normal in the society. We hear often that some parents get defiant when the teachers complain about their kids making trouble, as if they were protecting their kids. In reality, they are hurting their kids terribly by not helping them to grow, develop, mature and gain the tools and skills to function well in the society. 

In my life, any time I looked for an easy way out, I always ended up having regrets. You reap what you sow. Excellence happens when everyone else has given up or it seems that everything has been tried - that applies to work, but I think it applies to raising a kid even more. For a while, I thought that I had done enough for signing up my son for lessons and therapy, and I told myself, "okay that must be good enough." As a result, I was heartbroken and shocked when I saw some regression. Then after talking to specialists and reading about what other parents do, I realize that nothing short of constant vigilance with the goal of nipping everything in the bud is enough. No wonder - I fell short. 

Raising a kid is the most humbling thing I have done in my life, and will no doubt continue to be.