Nanny Issues (2)

My mom arrived about 2 weeks ago. Since then she’s been tremendously helpful with Winston and the housework. However, even compared to last year when she was here to help me, she is older and slower and her memory is worse. Obviously I need to find a nanny soon.

Having just signed the purchase contract for a house on the edge of Stanford campus, I decided to put an ad in the Chinese newspaper World Journal for a live-in nann with the location as Palo Alto. In addition, Michael got me a Google voice number so that the nanny candidates will not be confused by the San Diego area code of my cell phone number.

Sure enough, I got a ton of phone calls. Initially, I was ecstatic as I felt that surely I would be able to find a good nanny with so many candidates. But as time went on, I realized that my search for a great nanny remains challenging.

I can’t remember any more, but I must have got at least a dozen phone calls from people who would speak Cantonese to me immediately. When I said that I could not understand anything, often they would switch to heavily accented Mandarin Chinese. Having just experienced a terrible Cantonese nanny, I was not thrilled with the idea of hiring another one. I was told that others had good experience with Cantonese nannies before, and I should not be biased just because of one bad example. However, I often find it extremely difficult to understand the Mandarin Chinese of Cantonese nannies, and they would often get my questions wrong. Considering that communication is important in this type of relationship, I felt compelled to say, “I am sorry. It’s really hard for me to understand you, so it will not work out.” Frequently I would encounter some stubborn labides insisting that they had no trouble understanding me, which further proved that there really was a communication challenge. Today, I got a call from a guy speaking Cantonese to me, and I said that I did not understand anything. He switched to Mandarin Chinese and asked me if I was looking for a nanny. I said, “yes, who’s interested?” He said, “My wife is interested.” I was like, “If she’s interested, why is she not talking to me?” “Well, she’s busy cooking right now.” When I told him that I would only talk to the candidate herself directly, he said something in Cantonese to his wife, and then said, “well, perhaps she will call you later.” - I suppose that whatever she’s cooking was a lot more important than finding a job.

There must have been an agency whose sole mission was to help people in Shenyang immigrate to the Bay Area. Their green cards must all be authentic, but the reasons provided on their immigration applications are likely dubious. In any case, while there are a lot of Cantonese nannies living in San Francisco, there seems to be just as many Shenyang nannies living in South Bay. The first nanny I tried who goes by the name of Susan was from Shenyang, and she was fine in the beginning but quickly demonstrated many qualities that explained her lack of references despite many years of experience as a live-in nanny. Talking to these applicants reminded me of Susan – they were really fast-talking, impatient and ready and eager to interrupt. When I specified that for the next two months we would still be living in South San Francisco instead of Palo Alto, one of them who lives in Mountain View said that it’s no problem, since it only takes 20 minutes to drive from her home to SFO. I was like, “ I think it probably takes longer than that.” She started arguing with me that it does not, and finally I realized that I might be talking to another Susan. When I talked to another one from Shenyang, I noticed that a little kid was screaming in the background. I asked her if she’s still working for another family, and she said, “yes. But Walnut Creek is too far and I thought that Palo Alto would be a lot closer. Meanwhile the kid let out another big scream, clearly wanting attention. I heard her saying, “Let me finish the phone call.” Then she said to me, “Look at this kid, who’s always screaming.” Seeing how she’s treating this kid and this family, I quickly excused myself from this phone call.

A very soft-spoken nanny from Harbin called me, and said that her current employer will be moving out of town soon. I checked her two references, both of which were okay but not stellar. One of them said that she was way too “clean” when I asked if there was anything she did not do well. “Why is that considered bad?” I asked. The former employer said, “well, she was always washing her hands, which was kind of annoying. If we had a party, she would wipe all the door knobs with alcohol after the guests left.” The other former employer said that she never let this nanny wash any baby utensils or prepare baby food. “Basically, everything that would enter into my baby’s mouth was prepared by myself, and I washed everything because I am really particular about cleanliness.” Could they have been talking about the same nanny? I wondered. Since both former employers were positive about this nanny, I decided to let her come over and try out for a few days. First, she said that she might consider another family. Then twenty minutes later, she called me and said that she would not consider the other family and would come over to try out on Monday morning. I asked her to call me on Sunday night to confirm. On Sunday night, I got a ton of phone calls from various nanny candidates but none from her. I decided to wait until Monday morning to call her. When I called her, she said, “I could not find anyone to give me a ride. And I might consider another family.”

There are several nannies from Hebei province. They would often emphasize how they would get along with me, since “we are both from the North” in China. When I called the reference for one of them, the lady who answered the phone said that they let her go because her husband had been unhappy with her for a long time, due to her lack of attention to cleanliness or discipline of the kid, who’s now already two and a half years old. She said, “she’s a nice person, and treats my son like a grandmother. And perhaps like a grandmother, she spoils him rotten. He’s become really wild and temperamental. In addition, she seems to be really popular and spends a lot of time on the phone, as opposed to cleaning up the place. When my mother came to visit, she was shocked to see how dirty my house was. My advice is that if you yourself are good at housework and your kid is still a small infant, she is probably alright.” I thanked her and crossed this one off the list.

Some never worked as a nanny before, but claimed that I should not have to worry because they were like nannies at home. One of them came over through marriage to a US citizen. Another one helped out at a friend’s place. Still another only worked as a housekeeper before.

It looks like that by far the nannies from Shanghai got the highest marks in these references. So perhaps I will try one out?