Chinese Version of Real Life "Mean Girls"

The other day, I had lunch with a friend of mine from my class in chemistry at Peking University. There were about 10 girls in our class from Beijing, and we noticed that 70% have been through a divorce by now. The percentage is much higher than any other groups we know.

We started discussing why, by analyzing the differences. How were they different from girls in our class from other provinces? How were they different from girls in the biology department who are also from Beijing? Finally I realized that effectively it was a Chinese version of real-life "Mean Girls".

It was all about what was considered "cool". To study hard and plan for a future? - Totally not cool. To find someone who may be a compatible husband? - Absolutely unromantic. To take things seriously? - So boring. Going with one's feelings of the moment was celebrated as the "cool" thing to do, and so was taking an irreverent attitude to any conventional pursuits. Interestingly, the front-runners in this pack (i.e. perhaps the Rachel McAdams equivalent) were finished with this "cool" phase soon after graduation from college. They got married without thinking too much, perhaps due to that irreverent attitude. But they divorced quickly, grew up, finally learned what their nagging and boring parents had been telling them all along - in their own circuitous way - found compatible and responsible husbands, focused on keeping a stable job and devoted themselves to the family life. The others who went through a divorce much later are not as fortunate.

Indeed there is a good argument to be made for "arranged marriages", although in our modern times it will never work. While we can try our best to teach our kids to keep in mind what matters most based on our own experience, chances are that they will have to learn those lessons through their own painful experiences, their own trials and errors, and according to their own timelines. Yes it might be agonizing for us parents to watch, but we perhaps have to let things take their own courses. Approval from their peers will at one point become even more important than approval from their parents. Besides, how else do they get a feeling that they have "grown up" and become "independent thinkers" except for to do what the parents told them not to? Unless we teach them to not think for themselves, chances are that their first few attempts at independent thinking will be wrong.

I may sound like that I am mentally prepared for Winston's mistakes. But I do shudder at the thought of any new versions of "Mean Girls" that might involve Winston. I guess it will be called "Mean Boys" instead.