Mothers

The people with whom I interact at work these days are mostly very successful in what they do. There are a lot of mothers. What I have noticed about them is that they all share this drive to do the very best for their kids. 

Sometimes I get very frustrated to hear others say, "oh you don't have to do this or that for your son." And I get upset if I hear people say, "you are doing all this for Winston because you worry too much", when it's the lack of effort that worries me as opposed to effort. 

Like the other mothers I meet these days at my new work place, I feel great when I have made the best effort for my son. I then can focus on other things in life, and can almost feel carefree - almost, as I would be the No.1 liar mother in the world to say that I don't worry about my son. 

Once at a party, I was told, "to say a mother worry too much is like calling a ball round. I have not seen any good mothers who don't worry about their kids. I am almost 50, and my mother still worries me, and her vigilance has saved me from bad situations that no one else was even aware of. All great mothers have the instinct to go against the world if necessary to do the best for their kids. Often the world is just a tad behind the intuition of great mothers." 

What We Live For

The other day, I suddenly remembered what a friend told me. She said that she heard the following from one of President Obama's speeches, "it's only after I had kids that I realized that everything we do is for them." - or something to that effect. 

At the time, I did not have any particularly strong feelings. In fact, there were many things that I heard before that did not strike me as hard as they do today. The entire world including me was shocked and dismayed  read about the Chinese dairy processors adding melamine to their products. Now, I simply can't bring myself to even remember that incident, as it will feel personally traumatic. 

Indeed, as President Obama astutely observed, what we do will lose all its meaning were it not for the next generation, and the ones after next. 

Working Women

I had lunch with some friends today, all of them working women. Among the four us, for college degrees, we have two from Harvard, one from Caltech, and one from Peking University – supposedly the Harvard of China; for Ph.D. Degrees, two are from Berkeley, one is from MIT and one from Stanford. What did we discuss vigorously for almost two hours? We spent 95% of the time discussing our respective issues, concerns and frustrations with kids, with the rest of time on our observations or wishful thinking regarding the husbands. At the end of the discussion, one of them said, "now kids occupy at least half of my brain. I guess men don't have such discussions. " The other said, "it's not that they don't care. But they really don't care at the same level." 

It reminded me of a blog forwarded to me by a friend at Google, which apparently is widely read at Google - http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2012/09/14/how-to-plan-a-career-in-your-20s-to-stay-home-with-kids-in-your-30s/. According to a latest survey, 84% of working women would prefer to stay home if they can afford it. Then the author went into a discussion on which Myers Briggs personality types would prefer not to stay home, while singling out ENFJ as the type that has the hardest time with both career and kids, because they want to do well at work like men, and raise kids as well as devoted housewives. 

Come to think of it, the phenomenon of working women is just a few decades old. No wonder there is so much discussion on-line and off-line on topics related to working women with family. It is a modern challenge. 

Movies and Actresses

I saw the movie "J. Edgar" yesterday. Since it's a Clint Eastwood movie, naturally it has a message to deliver for our times. And the message is obvious. Clint Eastwood must be a die-hard Democrat. 

Leonardo DiCaprio was phenomenal. He's come a long way from being the hearthrob in "Titanic" to a very unattractive middle-aged J. Edgar Hoover in "J. Edgar". Naomi Watts and Judi Dench played his secretary and his mother, respectively, which made me wonder - are American actresses so bad at speaking American English that they have to hire Australian and British actresses to fake an American accent? 

Indeed, when I think about it, while there have been phenomenal American actors, most of the impressive actresses (in my opinion) are not American – Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Kate Winslet, Emma Thompson, Kiera Knightley, etc. The one exception is Meryl Streep. The other day, I happened to have caught a glimpse of her in "Sophie's Choice" - it was so heart-breaking that I had to turn it off. I have never been able to watch that movie in completion, because it's made to feel too real. 

What other movies did I see recently? - The new version of "Jane Eyre" which I found incredibly boring. I think it's time people stop remaking "Jane Eyre" or "Pride and Prejudice". 

Playdates For Winston?

I have often been a delinquent mother for Winston. My delinquency manifests itself in many ways. I did not want to go through an extended struggle with his potty training, so I waited until the last possible minute to train him, making him the oldest kid in his class. Even now, he has to poop standing up, which means that he will let me know that he wants to poop, and I will put on a diaper on him so that he can poop. I have not trained him to eat all kinds of vegetables and meat, which means that his diet is still very narrow in scope, which perhaps contributes to his periodic constipation. I have not taught him anything since hiring a part-time nanny who takes him out after dinner every day to the nearby elementary school, where for all I know he could just be walking around doing nothing while the nanny chats on the phone. 

But I have certainly been good at arranging playdates for him. I have a playdate almost every weekend arranged for him. It's often with friends of mine who happen to have kids of similar age. Today we had another one. The kids did not really play together that much. Winston certainly did not play with anyone, but he was happy to be around a lot of people. The other kids did play together at times. I then made the observation that I perhaps arranged these playdates for myself really – so that I could have a chance to chat with my friends when the kids are presumably socializing. I do pay constant attention to Winston, but I also have fun chatting with friends. There is a reason why I have never scheduled any playdates with Winston's classmates – it would then be entirely for Winston. 

Of course, I then tell myself that Winston already spends 5 days a week with these classmates, in which case there is more reason for him to be exposed to other kids and other adults on the weekends! 

There is no limit to how much human beings can rationalize behaviors and choices in the best way imaginable. That is human nature. 

The London Olympics

This year has been very low-key and melancholy. For one thing, the Olympics came and went, and I can hardly remember what happened.  But wait a second – that is the Olympics that happens only once every four years!!!

I did not watch either the opening or the closing ceremonies. Presumably they were fine but not earth-shattering. It was okay to miss them. While Michael Phelps astonished the world at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, no one did at the London games. Sure, Michael Phelps added to his gold medal  count and became the person with the most Olympic gold medals in history. But somehow no one was impressed with him. In fact, if he had repeated another eight gold medals, people would not have been terribly impressed, let alone falling short of that goal. 

So what do I remember about the London Olympics? I remember some interesting gymnastic moves. Oh, Winston got a fake gold medal at school, and I asked him, "is that your gold medal?" He naturally said, "yes." I asked him, "Is that for team competition or individual all-around." "Individual all-around." I tried to suppress my laughs and continued my questioning, "is that for diving or gymnastics?" "Gymnastics." His way of answering a question with choices is to choose the latter one, as presumably it's easier for him to remember the pronunciation. 

Finally, I asked him, "is it from the world championship or the Olympics?" Of course, he said, "Olympics." 

So that's what I remember best about the London Olympics. 

A Weekend Near Santa Barbara

In my effort to keep up a record of life in general, I have been terribly delinquent. Indeed as one of my friends wisely said regarding a life with young kids, "the days are long but the years are short." Suddenly, Winston is transitioning into the next class at his daycare center, and the summer of 2012 is almost over. 

We took a weekend trip to a resort ranch near Santa Barbara, mostly to meet up with friends who also have kids. We left the day after Winston was seen by a pediatrician for a 3-day long fever that just would not go away. I was rendered distraught again (you would think that after so many illnesses of Winston's I would be emotionally immune but I am not). Still, we decided to go since there was not anything else we could do for him except for to watch over him carefully. He was holding onto this purple blanket the whole time so he was fairly content. He took a short nap in the car and was generally quiet, perhaps due to lack of energy. The resort ranch provided food, and therefore it was one of those destinations meant for really lazy people. There was no cell phone coverage where the ranch is, but when we drove to nearby Santa Barbara and Solvang certainly we could access email and cell phone.  The rooms and cabins were modest and sufficient but nothing fancy. The two friends who joined us there from San Diego were really fun-loving. One has an 8-year old boy whose appetite is nothing short of a miracle, with his energy level even more so. The other has a 7-year old girl who adored Winston and insisted that he's her favorite boy. When asked if she wanted a baby sister or brother, she said that she wanted a baby brother just like Winston. Fortunately for her, her mother is expecting a baby boy.

There was not much to do there. The older kids went horseback riding. There is a swimming pool, and nearby Santa Barbara and Solvang are fine places to visit perhaps once in one's life time. Excitement would not be the right word for this place, but I had loads of fun. We ate the delicious home-made food at the dining hall with friends, and we played cards late into the night while the kids were asleep. 

Winston kind of just roamed around. He's too young for horseback riding, and he's not interested in learning to swim. He still has this unhealthy fascination with doors, but he's also talking to people which was lovely. Sometimes when I look at him, I am amazed by how utterly oblivious he is to the fact that he's just divinely funny and cute.