Winston's Second Day at School

Winston slept for almost 12 hours straight last night, as he did not nap very well on his first day in school. This morning, he woke up perky and excited, all the way until we got to the school. Then he realized that it was the same place where I dropped him off yesterday for a long long time. He started crying and would not let me go. The teacher suggested that I hand him over to her. He then had this agonized look on his face, trying to hold back his tears, as apparently the tears would be futile. The teacher said, "say bye bye to mama". His cherubic little face was all wrinkled up, with tears welling up but he tried not to cry, "bye bye. Mama is going to work. Mama is leaving."

Oh he is such a rational little boy...

Be Cool

I sent Winston to daycare today for the first day. When I left, he did not cry. When I showed up, he was talking non-stop with the teachers, and was not even so happy to see me!

Apparently, during the day, he cried a little bit on and off, did not eat too much, and did not sleep as much as he usually does. But he apparently did not want to let me know that.

He's cool - much cooler than both of his parents.

Where did he get such cool genes?

The Cost of Pride

The Chinese culture has long emphasized the virtue of pride, and it has taken me years to unlearn that.

In fact, as I observe pride in people, I cannot help but feel that it has cost people dearly in personal and professional happiness.

Because of pride, someone who actually does not have the ability or bandwidth would wager with someone else that he could do something and in fact would rather do that instead of admitting defeat. The lack of self-knowledge renders him completely ignorant of why he decided to wager in the first place - it was all because he was upset at the other party, or else he would not have bothered. So off he went, taking on something just for the sake of pride, only to realize that he should never have done it. In fact, if only he could graciously admit defeat, he would have come out as a winner. A paradox indeed.

But he kept going, getting exhausted, sleep-deprived and even more unhappy because he had taken on something that really were beyond his means, while getting even more upset at the other person because the other person is the reason why he is now sleep-deprived, exhausted, and bad-tempered, not ever pausing to realize that it was precisely due to his own sleep-deprivation, exhaustion and bad temper that he lost sight of what is important, and let his pride take over.

The vicious cycle continued. The cost of pride is truly enormous, especially for people who are insecure to start with. Defensiveness comes with insecurity and pride. I have observed that in people's professional lives and personal lives, and not even once did I see any positive outcome for anyone of them.

Movies Shown on the Airplanes

I remember reading somewhere that Woody Allen refused to have any of his movies shown on airplanes. Now I understand why - in general those movies are terrible.

On the trans-Pacific flights, they usually show at least three movies. I used to think that I did not possess the energy to watch all three, but I now realize it is because they are so terrible that it is impossible for me to watch all three.

So on the two recent trans-Pacific rides, I watched "The Tourist", "The King's Speech" and "Conviction", or as much of them as I could bear. In terms of seriousness, they range from comical to melodramatic. Watching these movies made me wonder if the filmmakers have ran out of ideas altogether. Is it possible to have a more ridiculous plot than "The Tourist"? Is it possible to have a less trivial topic than "The King's Speech"? Is it possible to watch Hillary Swank not play a character who triumphed against all odds?

Then I reminded myself, these are the movies shown on the airplanes.

Save the Planet!

It had been over two years since my last trip to China. When I first arrived at Shanghai Pudong International Airport, I thought to myself "is the pollution so much worse than before, or is it because I have been away for so long?" The sky was gray and it was very smoggy. While I am overall an enthusiastic advocate of doing business in China, I have to say that this time I was particularly troubled by the pollution I saw. Obviously economic development is important, but is there a way to do it that does not simultaneously damage the environment so much? Understandably, people in developing countries do not care nearly as much as environmental protection. There were too many cars, too much construction, too much unrecyclable garbarge, and too little care in general that goes into making the world a habitable place a hundred years from now. That lack of patience which often leads to quick results is unfortunately at play here with respect to environmental protection - people don't care about what happens ten years from now, and let alone a hundred years later. It is not because they don't care about their own future. In a way, it is because the Chinese people don't believe something could be true unless they see it with their own eyes or have already started to see signs of it. Also, thanks to the cultural revolution, people often only care about what happens to themselves and their immediate families and have little interest in doing something inconvenient for themselves to serve the public interest.

While perhaps from a business perspective I remain an enthusiastic advocate of China, I do wonder what might be done to help raise awareness of global warming in China.

Winston Misses His Mommy

I came back from my 8-day China trip yesterday morning. Overall it was a productive trip, but somehow I can't help but feel that it could have been squeezed into a 5-day trip in total, if all the meetings could have been arranged more tightly. Of course, I would not have had such feelings were it not for Winston.

Two days after I left, I got a chance to talk to Winston on Skype. He just woke up from his afternoon nap and was not exactly in a great mood. He saw me, and did not say anything. Then towards the end, when Michael said that it was time to say goodbye to mommy, he was sobbing like crazy. He was taken away from the computer screen, while he was kicking and screaming. Since the connection was left on, I could hear that he cried for quite a while before he finally calmed down. Apparently, it was the longest time he ever cried.

Then on the last day before I came back, I got to talk to him on Skype again. He was happily eating his dinner and he ate a ton! After he finished, he ran away so I logged off. Apparently, that night, after being read "Good Night Moon" which reminded him of me, he was teary. Then he would not quietly doze off by himself as he usually does. Instead, he was calling "Lao Lao" (i.e. grandma). My mom felt rather honored, as Winston usually prefers Michael to her. She showed up, and he calmed down.

When I saw Winston yesterday morning, he again did not show much emotion. He just smiled and said "mama". I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, and he followed me into the bathroom. He was happy but not exactly thrilled. I could tell that he missed me very much only when I was putting him down for his nap. He would not let go of my hand. Although he was so sleepy, he kept trying to sit up to wake himself up so that I would not leave. Finally when he dozed off, I removed my hand from his forehead. He sensed it, and struggled really hard to open his eyes but could not. So he tried to sit up, and I put my hand on his forehead again, and in his sleep he laughed.

At night, when I turned off the musical mobile's light, he said, "I can't see mommy any more and I am going to sleep." I then left the room.

While everyone thinks that he is an extroverted boy, he actually does not show his deepest emotions easily. He is trying to be cool and tough at such an early age...

My Mom is Visiting

Since my mom arrived over a week ago, she has been complaining that I am too intense and impatient. I remind her that I am just like her when she was younger.

She said that in her entire life, the happiest time has been after her retirement. She did not like exams, so school was not too much fun for her. After she graduated from college, it was Cultural Revolution and she was sent to destitute countryside. As a single mother with two kids and a full-time job, life was constantly very stressful for her. Then my grandparents started to get old and sick one after the other.

Indeed when I think about my mom's life, I have to agree with her that the happiest time has been after her retirement. Now that she's overall healthy, she's able to do some part-time tutoring to keep herself mentally active, as well as enjoy herself with various activities with her friends. She's not a sentimental person by nature, and therefore spending time with her only grandson has never been top of the agenda. But she is always willing to help me if I need her help, and hence her visiting for two months during Winston's transition from home to daycare.