The other day, a friend from my Boston years called. We had not been in touch for many years, but once in a while we would talk on the phone. After she graduated from music school in Boston, she auditioned around and got a position at Syracuse Orchestra.
At Harvard, I had the impression that almost everyone except for me had studied a musical instrument. The famous Yo Yo Ma lived in my dorm when he was a student there. Many fellow students had a real passion and appreciation for music, and for the instrument they learned to play. When asked why they were pursuing the more generic career paths instead of music, I was told that it was extremely difficult to make a living as a musician. That was when I realized that instead of feeling sorry for the orchestra members who seemed to have the thankless job of supporting a soloist such as Sarah Chang or Midori, I ought to feel really happy for them, for they went through auditions where they were picked out of hundreds!
Therefore, I knew that my friend was a very good violist - in fact she was an exceptional violist. She grew up in a musical family, where her parents taught at Shenyang Conservatory of Music, where the piano prodigy Lang Lang was trained. She said that she truly loved music, and she was most happy when she was playing. In Syracuse, she met a Chinese scientist working for a pharmaceutical company and got married. They had a son. That was the last I heard from her.
This time, she had moved to Indiana, as her husband got a new job at another company. Syracuse Orchestra closed its doors soon after she left, mostly due to lack of financial support in this economy. She has been auditioning around, but has not found a permanent position yet. She feels frustrated for lack of a professional circle where she could express herself. She has a part-time position at the local orchestra and is also teaching at the university nearby. But that is not enough for her. She talked about how she thought that after turning thirty years old, life would be easy and straight-forward. Instead it has turned out to be more stressful. She has had frequent fights with her husband, all over trivial things. After all, what other things would there be to fight about between a couple?
While we were talking, we felt that we could almost finish each other's sentence. Despite our age difference (she's 7 years younger), personality difference (she's much more outgoing), and professional difference (I am as musically illiterate as she is scientifically illiterate), we share something in common. We are not contented in just making a living and raising kids. That lack of satisfaction makes us more irritable than perhaps other women, and in general reduces the level of happiness. She has truly found her calling in music, and I thought that I had truly found my calling in my entrepreneurial creativity. We love what we have chosen to do, but the odds are stacked against us to do them. She said that many orchestras closed shop this past year due to lack of donations and lower attendance, understandably due to the poor economy. In my case, pessimistic investors have made it hard to start new things in the biotech world, especially since it's much more capital intensive than their IT counterparts.
I recall another conversation I had over email with another friend, who comes from an old academic family in China. Her grandfather co-wrote the standard organic chemistry textbook for university students together with my great aunt. She went to Stuyvesant, Barnard and then Stanford Medical School. Then she decided that she did not want to practice medicine any more, so she went to Harvard Business School and joined the business world. Now she's a venture capitalist, who just moved back to Shanghai. She just got married, and we had the sweetest conversation over email. She said that many of her friends felt that they were raising their kids alone, and that somehow "having it all" was perceived as nearly impossible. She still was determined to have it all, but she acknowledged that after all these conversations, perhaps it was not possible to do everything at the same time. My own personal experience of having Winston at the time when my first company was in a critical stage while Michael was launching a very stressful tenure track career as a faculty member proved that it was perhaps possible to have it all, but at enormous cost.
I sometimes get a bit upset when I read about the bios of my peers in the industry. Often after they describe their professional achievement, they would write something like "married to a great woman with 3 amazing kids". I can't write something like that myself, because I don't have a stay-home husband. Neither can Michael, because he does not have a stay-home wife. And one kid has already stretched us thin, while others seem to blithely juggle three - because there is always a stay-home spouse. We have all come to acknowledge that one cannot outsource "raising a child" to nannies and housekeepers or even grandparents, as the results have turned out to be disastrous or even heart-breaking. A friend once told me, "what you need is not a nanny. You need a wife."
So there - for the professional women who possess talent for something they love, or at least think that they possess the talent - what they need is something they will never get - a wife, who is a true mother to the kids, a real champion of her career, a supportive partner to her in life, staying in a shadow. Those of us who are not lesbians will never get that. So we should just have a glass of wine, laugh about it, and move on.
I promised that I would give my violist friend another call, as Winston interrupted our phone conversation. That type of interruption never occurred in our lives before kids. Somehow I found that rather symbolic.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Steve Jobs
It was perhaps not unexpected that there would be an outpouring of tributes to Steve Jobs upon his death. However, I do find it surprising that in China he is literally a cult figure. Tributes to him are everywhere, including subway stations. People address him as "cult leader Jobs". Considering that he was not into discussing anything but products and technology and he was never a "China lover", I am intrigued that he would have a fanatic religious following in China.
Gradually it occurred to me that perhaps people in China viewed him as someone bigger than life, who could only happen once in a century. In a rapidly developing country where change makes people dizzy and it's hard to hang onto any belief, someone larger in life could naturally fill that spiritual void. While "most men live a life of quiet desperation" (and especially so in a country where many aspects of life are still state-controlled), Steve Jobs defiantly refused to do so. In a business world where the 80/20 rule absolutely rules, he remained true to perfectionism and succeeded.
George Bernard Shaw said, " The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
Steve Jobs was an unreasonable man. He was a great man. In China where there is no reigning deity, he is considered too unreasonable and too great to have been a mere human being.
Gradually it occurred to me that perhaps people in China viewed him as someone bigger than life, who could only happen once in a century. In a rapidly developing country where change makes people dizzy and it's hard to hang onto any belief, someone larger in life could naturally fill that spiritual void. While "most men live a life of quiet desperation" (and especially so in a country where many aspects of life are still state-controlled), Steve Jobs defiantly refused to do so. In a business world where the 80/20 rule absolutely rules, he remained true to perfectionism and succeeded.
George Bernard Shaw said, " The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
Steve Jobs was an unreasonable man. He was a great man. In China where there is no reigning deity, he is considered too unreasonable and too great to have been a mere human being.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
More on Peter Hessler
When I wrote about Peter Hessler yesterday, I had not actually realized that he just became a MacArthur Fellow as of two days ago! What's more - I read that he is going to the Middle East and he's planning to stay there for about five or six years. He and his wife (who also wrote about China, and who graduated from Harvard) just had twin daughters. And now they will be moving to the Middle East!
He is listed as a "long form journalist" instead of a journalist or a writer on the MacArthur Foundation website. Indeed, he is different from Nicholas Kristof, who really WAS a jounalist based in Beijing reporting for the New York Times, although Kristof and his wife Sheryl WuDunn also wrote several books together. What makes Peter Hessler's books fascinating is the incredibly detailed and personal narrative guided by an amazingly objective and informed mind. He does not agree with the stereotypical Americans on their view of China, but he totally understands where they come from. He also does not agree with the stereotypical Chinese on their view of America, but again he totally understands where they come from. And he often can crystallize his observations in language that seems utterly creative - indeed that's why he's been selected as a MacArthur Fellow!
I see that he's always going where others perhaps have not gone for one reason or another. If he wants to bring his signature narrative to write about the dangerous and tumultuous Middle East and learn Arabic as he learned to speak Chinese well, it is a daunting task. After all, it is a much more dangerous area with bombs going off occasionally.
Still, I guess this is where his passion lies. And it's great that his work is his passion.
He is listed as a "long form journalist" instead of a journalist or a writer on the MacArthur Foundation website. Indeed, he is different from Nicholas Kristof, who really WAS a jounalist based in Beijing reporting for the New York Times, although Kristof and his wife Sheryl WuDunn also wrote several books together. What makes Peter Hessler's books fascinating is the incredibly detailed and personal narrative guided by an amazingly objective and informed mind. He does not agree with the stereotypical Americans on their view of China, but he totally understands where they come from. He also does not agree with the stereotypical Chinese on their view of America, but again he totally understands where they come from. And he often can crystallize his observations in language that seems utterly creative - indeed that's why he's been selected as a MacArthur Fellow!
I see that he's always going where others perhaps have not gone for one reason or another. If he wants to bring his signature narrative to write about the dangerous and tumultuous Middle East and learn Arabic as he learned to speak Chinese well, it is a daunting task. After all, it is a much more dangerous area with bombs going off occasionally.
Still, I guess this is where his passion lies. And it's great that his work is his passion.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Art of Reinvention
As I lay in my sick bed (well, yes it's just a canker sore but it felt very painful), I read a lot and watched some movies. Considering that my friend pressured me again to have Winston give it a try in showbiz, I could not help but wondering about the ruthless nature of the show business. Most people who give it a try don't make it. And even those who make it may disappear after a while. Many of the child stars turned out badly, with Jodie Foster and Natalie Portman among the minority of child actors transforming into great actors when they grew up.
Somehow I thought of the Chinese actresses. "The Soong Sisters" was a movie I liked very much, partly because of the melodramatic nature and partly because it's got all these stars, with Maggie Cheung, Michelle Yeoh and Vivian Wu playing each of the three sisters. Now in their 40s, they are still active actresses, but none of them is married with kids. Regardless of what they say in interviews, I know that being single AND childless is not exactly a great state for a woman. And to some extent, I kind of feel that their acting careers have also reached as high as it could have ever reached. Wouldn't they feel a panic right now?
Then I thought of two other Taiwan-born Chinese actresses Brigitte Lin and Sylvia Chang, who are about a decade older than the aforementioned actresses. Somehow when I think of the two of them, I feel an invisible positive force lifting my spirit up. Then I realized that it is because their lives have been one of constant reinvention, which makes what's in the future infinitely more interesting than what's in the past, despite how glamorous the past might have been.
Brigitte Lin was discovered when she was 17, and started playing the herione in the numerous movies and TV series adapted from Qiong Yao's sappy novels. Qiong Yao is very much the Danielle Steele in Chinese rated PG, and she was very well versed in classical Chinese poetry. Her novels read very beautifully, the girls (they were always girls instead of women) were always utterly beautiful and innocent, the boys dashing and romantic, and the boys' mothers inevitably evil and beyond help. Brigitte Lin played numerous such characters and became a personal friend of the author, but was burnt out by both work and love, so she took a break and went to the US. After she returned to Taiwan, the movie industry there was in distress. There were no more decent roles for her. She packed her bags, moved to Hong Kong, learned Cantonese and became the leading action star of Hong Kong cinema. She retired at the age of 40 to marry a rich business man, had two daughters, and recently wrote a highly acclaimed memoir. Now that the daughters are slightly older, she is back in the public life, and is focused on her writing. From what I heard, she writes very well.
Sylvia Chang was a much more defiant character. She refused to conform to a lot of the studio rules at the time, and perhaps it had cost her somewhat. She went through tumultuous relationships, and eventually had a son whom she adores. She still acts in both Chinese and American films, but she is much more of a director now. I greatly enjoyed her films such as "Xiao Yu", "Tonight nobody goes home", and "Tempting Heart". She's incredibly confident, funny and capable. Unlike other actresses, she did not have to obsess over hanging onto her youthful looks (although to this day she looks young and beautiful for her age), because she has successfully reinvented herself. She has moved on with the times, as has Brigitte Lin.
The key difference between these two actresses and the others is that they did not let their past successes deter them from reaching new heights and redefining themselves. The past, while glamorous and successful, was the past, and to hang onto the past would be akin to trying not to age or die, neither of which is possible. Instead, they have gone through constant reinvention of themselves, and always much more forward instead of backward. They achieved stardom very young and went through passionate love affairs. Then they decided to have kids and be great and devoted mothers. Then they moved onto a new professional challenge that's not dependent on youthful looks, instead of lamenting on how beautiful they once were in their youth. Maybe other actresses ought to look at their examples.
Indeed when I think about myself, I guess I ought to learn a thing or two from them about reinvention as well. Each one of us goes through phases in our lives. For one reason or another, perhaps we are more concentrated on one thing. If that one thing becomes a success, the fear of losing that success could hinder our vision in seeing what else is possible. Instead, perhaps what I am doing is a phase of my life right now. Indeed the economic times are hard, which makes entrepreneurial effort particularly hard. But my son is just a toddler and perhaps also at the peak of his cuteness, so I am spending more time than the busiest professional women in the world on raising him, entertaining him and educating him, especially since Michael needs to concentrate on his career and often works 7 days a week as well as pulling all-nighters all the time. If circumstances change, I will make changes accordingly. Going with the flow does not mean not taking one's life into one's own hands, but rather to enjoy each moment and maximize the benefit offered by each phase.
Somehow I thought of the Chinese actresses. "The Soong Sisters" was a movie I liked very much, partly because of the melodramatic nature and partly because it's got all these stars, with Maggie Cheung, Michelle Yeoh and Vivian Wu playing each of the three sisters. Now in their 40s, they are still active actresses, but none of them is married with kids. Regardless of what they say in interviews, I know that being single AND childless is not exactly a great state for a woman. And to some extent, I kind of feel that their acting careers have also reached as high as it could have ever reached. Wouldn't they feel a panic right now?
Then I thought of two other Taiwan-born Chinese actresses Brigitte Lin and Sylvia Chang, who are about a decade older than the aforementioned actresses. Somehow when I think of the two of them, I feel an invisible positive force lifting my spirit up. Then I realized that it is because their lives have been one of constant reinvention, which makes what's in the future infinitely more interesting than what's in the past, despite how glamorous the past might have been.
Brigitte Lin was discovered when she was 17, and started playing the herione in the numerous movies and TV series adapted from Qiong Yao's sappy novels. Qiong Yao is very much the Danielle Steele in Chinese rated PG, and she was very well versed in classical Chinese poetry. Her novels read very beautifully, the girls (they were always girls instead of women) were always utterly beautiful and innocent, the boys dashing and romantic, and the boys' mothers inevitably evil and beyond help. Brigitte Lin played numerous such characters and became a personal friend of the author, but was burnt out by both work and love, so she took a break and went to the US. After she returned to Taiwan, the movie industry there was in distress. There were no more decent roles for her. She packed her bags, moved to Hong Kong, learned Cantonese and became the leading action star of Hong Kong cinema. She retired at the age of 40 to marry a rich business man, had two daughters, and recently wrote a highly acclaimed memoir. Now that the daughters are slightly older, she is back in the public life, and is focused on her writing. From what I heard, she writes very well.
Sylvia Chang was a much more defiant character. She refused to conform to a lot of the studio rules at the time, and perhaps it had cost her somewhat. She went through tumultuous relationships, and eventually had a son whom she adores. She still acts in both Chinese and American films, but she is much more of a director now. I greatly enjoyed her films such as "Xiao Yu", "Tonight nobody goes home", and "Tempting Heart". She's incredibly confident, funny and capable. Unlike other actresses, she did not have to obsess over hanging onto her youthful looks (although to this day she looks young and beautiful for her age), because she has successfully reinvented herself. She has moved on with the times, as has Brigitte Lin.
The key difference between these two actresses and the others is that they did not let their past successes deter them from reaching new heights and redefining themselves. The past, while glamorous and successful, was the past, and to hang onto the past would be akin to trying not to age or die, neither of which is possible. Instead, they have gone through constant reinvention of themselves, and always much more forward instead of backward. They achieved stardom very young and went through passionate love affairs. Then they decided to have kids and be great and devoted mothers. Then they moved onto a new professional challenge that's not dependent on youthful looks, instead of lamenting on how beautiful they once were in their youth. Maybe other actresses ought to look at their examples.
Indeed when I think about myself, I guess I ought to learn a thing or two from them about reinvention as well. Each one of us goes through phases in our lives. For one reason or another, perhaps we are more concentrated on one thing. If that one thing becomes a success, the fear of losing that success could hinder our vision in seeing what else is possible. Instead, perhaps what I am doing is a phase of my life right now. Indeed the economic times are hard, which makes entrepreneurial effort particularly hard. But my son is just a toddler and perhaps also at the peak of his cuteness, so I am spending more time than the busiest professional women in the world on raising him, entertaining him and educating him, especially since Michael needs to concentrate on his career and often works 7 days a week as well as pulling all-nighters all the time. If circumstances change, I will make changes accordingly. Going with the flow does not mean not taking one's life into one's own hands, but rather to enjoy each moment and maximize the benefit offered by each phase.
A Heavenly Creature
The other day, my friend was here in Palo Alto for a play date. She commented on how long Winston's eyelashes were, and then said for the nth time, "you really should enter him into some modelling contests." Knowing how biased parents are and I am no exception, I answered for the nth time, "well, every parent thinks that the kids are really cute. And there are probably tons of really cute kids out there." She disagreed, "No I don't think so. I have rarely seen one so cute."
That brought to mind another weekend morning when I took him to the park nearby Palo Alto Junior Museum and Zoo. I ran into a Chinese father of two boys who were also speaking Chinese. It turned out that he's a professor at Stanford as well and the younger son goes to the same Stanford daycare center. After we exchanged such small talk, he said, "your son really is good-looking. Look at those bright eyes!" - I did not take him seriously, since lots of people offer such compliments. Then two days later, I was stopped by a mother who was picking up her son at the same daycare center, "this is Winston, right? My husband said that he ran into you guys in the park." Winston is that memorable!
Obviously not all cute kids will grow up to look really great. But perhaps right now Winston is at the peak of his looks. When I look at him, I do often gasp at how incredibly cute he is. I almost feel like quoting most inappropriately what Elizabeth I said when she learned of her accession to the throne, "it is the Lord's doing and it is marvelous!" Indeed he is almost a heavenly creature.
That brought to mind another weekend morning when I took him to the park nearby Palo Alto Junior Museum and Zoo. I ran into a Chinese father of two boys who were also speaking Chinese. It turned out that he's a professor at Stanford as well and the younger son goes to the same Stanford daycare center. After we exchanged such small talk, he said, "your son really is good-looking. Look at those bright eyes!" - I did not take him seriously, since lots of people offer such compliments. Then two days later, I was stopped by a mother who was picking up her son at the same daycare center, "this is Winston, right? My husband said that he ran into you guys in the park." Winston is that memorable!
Obviously not all cute kids will grow up to look really great. But perhaps right now Winston is at the peak of his looks. When I look at him, I do often gasp at how incredibly cute he is. I almost feel like quoting most inappropriately what Elizabeth I said when she learned of her accession to the throne, "it is the Lord's doing and it is marvelous!" Indeed he is almost a heavenly creature.
Winston after flu shot
Peter Hessler
I recently finished reading Peter Hessler's "Oracle Bones" and loved it. Now I am reading his third book "Country Driving". He's now back in the United States after spending several years living and writing in China. He has insight that no other journalists or writers possess into the Chinese psyche. I can't wait until he writes another book.
Often I feel like that while I have a different perspective looking at America from most of the Chinese, and a different perspective looking at China from most of the Chinese. But that sense of loneliness is utterly dispelled by Peter Hessler's writing, which is poignant, perceptive, insightful and incredibly balanced. I could sense his compassion and humanity throughout his writing, and yet at the same time he's done a heroic job of not falling into any emotional frenzy or cheap sentimentality.
Often I feel like that while I have a different perspective looking at America from most of the Chinese, and a different perspective looking at China from most of the Chinese. But that sense of loneliness is utterly dispelled by Peter Hessler's writing, which is poignant, perceptive, insightful and incredibly balanced. I could sense his compassion and humanity throughout his writing, and yet at the same time he's done a heroic job of not falling into any emotional frenzy or cheap sentimentality.
After a Minor Illness
Maybe people who enjoy great health have the least tolerance for any minor illness. I don't have any allergies - just a minor cold would knock me out because of th stuffy nose. I don't have any headaches or other minor illnesses. That is why I almost stop functioning when I have a canker sore.
Interestingly, I distinctively remember the last time I had a canker sore. It was back in 2000 around Christmas time. It was so painful that I saw two different doctors. All the people at work knew about it because I would tell everyone. This time, I also went to see a doctor after reading online, only to get scared about all kinds of possibilities such as salivary gland stones, oral cancer or whatever. Of course the doctor said that I did not have cancer, and refused to give me any antibiotics either, since she said that it was just a canker sore that required no antibiotics or antiviral medication. She said that I must have bitten myself in my sleep. "But I have a headache!" - I reminded her, as I really do have a headache associated with this canker sore. So maybe it is not a canker sore but rather something more serious? She dismissed me and prescribed some cream with steroid to help with the inflammation.
When I am just suffering from a canker sore, I can particularly appreciate good health, which obviously I take for granted completely. The other day, I had lunch with a friend at the Genentech cafeteria, and I commented that it was such a big waste of resources to label each dish with the number of calories. If they had not done that, perhaps the dishes would be cheaper. Besides, everyone can tell roughly whether something carries more fat and calories than other food. My friend protested, "that is because you have no idea what it is like to try to lose weight. It is really hard, and without counting it is impossible." I shut up afterwards. Indeed what perhaps comes easy to us or what we take for granted are rather difficult or unapproachable by others. Therefore, we should never take any good fortune for granted, as if we ourselves are the sole reason for earning them, be it health, youth, success, kids, family, love, friendship, etc. We are just lucky.
To be alive is to be lucky. To be alive and healthy is particularly lucky. I definitely don't want to go through life only to look back and regret that I have not noticed a lot of things. I recall a brief conversation I had with my friend Ying, in that we talked about why both of us wanted to pursue something academic. She crystallized the origin, "It is perhaps the only way for one to feel some kind of immortality, in that your work outlives you and can still have an impact." In other words, there is a sense of legacy.
I recall that the Chinese architect and poet Lin Huiyin mentioned that life was just meant to experience. She wanted to experience everything, and so in a way she did. When the Japanese invaded China, like other scholars, she and her family fled west. Her son later asked her what she would do if the Japanese got to where she lived, she said, "well, there is always a way out for Chinese scholars (meaning suicide)." Her son was shocked and perhaps felt a bit neglected, "well, what about us then?" She smiled and said, "well, I would not be able to do much about you in that case." While she was a stunning beauty as well as an extraordinarily talented and creative poet, she was also a very serious scholar and architect. Her son and daughter later talked about their mother being very different from how she was perceived by others. They remembered her as being constantly sick (she had tuberculosis which flared up on and off until he death from it at the age of 51), as well as often cranky largely due to her sickness. John Fairbanks and his wife Wilma Fairbanks were best friends with her and her husband Liang Sicheng. Wilma Fairbanks wrote a book "Liang and Lin".
Sometimes when I think about my career change, I wonder about my wish to have some kind of "legacy" with what I do, which partly defines me. Now that I have Winston, like other parents, I have a legacy in my son. But I can't live vicariously through him, and neither will he want me to when he grows up. My identity beyond being Winston's mother has to extend beyond that legacy. Business by definition is impermanent, transient and fickle. I will have to think about it...
Interestingly, I distinctively remember the last time I had a canker sore. It was back in 2000 around Christmas time. It was so painful that I saw two different doctors. All the people at work knew about it because I would tell everyone. This time, I also went to see a doctor after reading online, only to get scared about all kinds of possibilities such as salivary gland stones, oral cancer or whatever. Of course the doctor said that I did not have cancer, and refused to give me any antibiotics either, since she said that it was just a canker sore that required no antibiotics or antiviral medication. She said that I must have bitten myself in my sleep. "But I have a headache!" - I reminded her, as I really do have a headache associated with this canker sore. So maybe it is not a canker sore but rather something more serious? She dismissed me and prescribed some cream with steroid to help with the inflammation.
When I am just suffering from a canker sore, I can particularly appreciate good health, which obviously I take for granted completely. The other day, I had lunch with a friend at the Genentech cafeteria, and I commented that it was such a big waste of resources to label each dish with the number of calories. If they had not done that, perhaps the dishes would be cheaper. Besides, everyone can tell roughly whether something carries more fat and calories than other food. My friend protested, "that is because you have no idea what it is like to try to lose weight. It is really hard, and without counting it is impossible." I shut up afterwards. Indeed what perhaps comes easy to us or what we take for granted are rather difficult or unapproachable by others. Therefore, we should never take any good fortune for granted, as if we ourselves are the sole reason for earning them, be it health, youth, success, kids, family, love, friendship, etc. We are just lucky.
To be alive is to be lucky. To be alive and healthy is particularly lucky. I definitely don't want to go through life only to look back and regret that I have not noticed a lot of things. I recall a brief conversation I had with my friend Ying, in that we talked about why both of us wanted to pursue something academic. She crystallized the origin, "It is perhaps the only way for one to feel some kind of immortality, in that your work outlives you and can still have an impact." In other words, there is a sense of legacy.
I recall that the Chinese architect and poet Lin Huiyin mentioned that life was just meant to experience. She wanted to experience everything, and so in a way she did. When the Japanese invaded China, like other scholars, she and her family fled west. Her son later asked her what she would do if the Japanese got to where she lived, she said, "well, there is always a way out for Chinese scholars (meaning suicide)." Her son was shocked and perhaps felt a bit neglected, "well, what about us then?" She smiled and said, "well, I would not be able to do much about you in that case." While she was a stunning beauty as well as an extraordinarily talented and creative poet, she was also a very serious scholar and architect. Her son and daughter later talked about their mother being very different from how she was perceived by others. They remembered her as being constantly sick (she had tuberculosis which flared up on and off until he death from it at the age of 51), as well as often cranky largely due to her sickness. John Fairbanks and his wife Wilma Fairbanks were best friends with her and her husband Liang Sicheng. Wilma Fairbanks wrote a book "Liang and Lin".
Sometimes when I think about my career change, I wonder about my wish to have some kind of "legacy" with what I do, which partly defines me. Now that I have Winston, like other parents, I have a legacy in my son. But I can't live vicariously through him, and neither will he want me to when he grows up. My identity beyond being Winston's mother has to extend beyond that legacy. Business by definition is impermanent, transient and fickle. I will have to think about it...
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