Maybe it is because Winston is not feeling sick (well he still has a runny nose but it is a lot better than before and he's in good spirits), or maybe it is because the weather is so beautiful (sunny and warm), or maybe it is because I am just in a good mood (for no good reason at all), I decided to try having lunch at this local burger joint where you can design your own burger - http://www.thecounterburger.com/.
So Michael and I went there for lunch, and I picked all those funky toppings and sauces for the burgers. They were delicious. Then I went to pick up some trouts from a friend's house, as he just went fishing for trouts the past couple of days and caught a ton. I fried them, and they were delicious. He is going to fish for perch again, and I can't wait to get a fresh perch from him!
These are such simple joys of life, and I am so happy because of them.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
We Are Good People, But...
Up until about two years ago, I had to encounter incessant questions about if and when I was going to have a baby. When I answered in an ambiguous way, the well-meaning person would say that it would be much harder and much more risky to have a baby when I am much older. "Well, if I want a kid, I will just adopt a baby girl from China since they are being abandoned." That was my answer. I felt quite noble and charitable about my answer at the time.
Little did I know that adoption of a healthy baby from China is now literally impossible. The waiting list at the adoption agencies is now over 6 years for even couples of Chinese descent who presumably have higher priority than other ethnic groups. For children with special needs (sickness, handicap, or over 6 years old), it is a very fast process. Therefore, even if I want to adopt a healthy baby girl from China, I will not be able to do so.
One would naturally wonder what happened in the past few years. Chinese girls went from being "unwanted" to "heavily contested". Michael's cynical view is that it has almost become kind of a fashion statement to adopt a Chinese girl from China. I think perhaps more and more people are busy with their careers or other things in life and therefore often have to adopt a baby when they are ready to have a kid.
Our neighbor who is a computer science professor has two adopted girls from China. Even Michael cannot claim that they did as a "fashion statement". The girls are in elementary school now, which means that they were lucky to have adopted a few years ago.
I read about the Chinese orphans with special needs,and frankly my heart goes out to them. I heard from our neighbor that the condition of the Chinese orphanages was really bad, and these kids need extra special attention and care. But I admit that I do find it hard to adopt a kid with disabilities. If I ever make my millions, I do want to donate money to the poor kids in China for their care and education.
Most people, I imagine, are like myself. We are good people, but not that good.
Little did I know that adoption of a healthy baby from China is now literally impossible. The waiting list at the adoption agencies is now over 6 years for even couples of Chinese descent who presumably have higher priority than other ethnic groups. For children with special needs (sickness, handicap, or over 6 years old), it is a very fast process. Therefore, even if I want to adopt a healthy baby girl from China, I will not be able to do so.
One would naturally wonder what happened in the past few years. Chinese girls went from being "unwanted" to "heavily contested". Michael's cynical view is that it has almost become kind of a fashion statement to adopt a Chinese girl from China. I think perhaps more and more people are busy with their careers or other things in life and therefore often have to adopt a baby when they are ready to have a kid.
Our neighbor who is a computer science professor has two adopted girls from China. Even Michael cannot claim that they did as a "fashion statement". The girls are in elementary school now, which means that they were lucky to have adopted a few years ago.
I read about the Chinese orphans with special needs,and frankly my heart goes out to them. I heard from our neighbor that the condition of the Chinese orphanages was really bad, and these kids need extra special attention and care. But I admit that I do find it hard to adopt a kid with disabilities. If I ever make my millions, I do want to donate money to the poor kids in China for their care and education.
Most people, I imagine, are like myself. We are good people, but not that good.
Chat with a Friend in San Diego
I was talking with a friend of mine in San Diego, who has a son and a daughter. Of course I complained about Winston getting sick often now that he's in daycare. He told me that when his daughter was sent to daycare, she was sick almost every week for 3 months. Since they could not deal with it any longer, they moved her to a small family daycare center with just a few kids instead of over 100 kids at the first place. Then she no longer got sick. Maybe that's what I should have done with Winston as well.
We talked about the biotech companies in San Diego, as he works at one of them which is going through a difficult time. It is unclear what is going to happen to the company, but he's a great scientist and should certainly find another job even if this company does not make it in the end. Speaking of career and family, he is one of those people I know for sure that could be a great success if he is willing to move back to China, because he is not only technically competent, but also a great manager and a terrific people person. However, he has two young kids in San Diego, and for that reason alone he has decided to cope with the under-appreciation for his talent in San Diego. I still have my house in San Diego (rented to a super neat lesbian couple), and now that I have Winston, I realize that San Diego really is an ideal place to raise young children. That's the sacrifice that he has decided to make. It is also possible that he is so humble that he does not realize his potential. I have encountered so many people bragging about their credentials and backgrounds and ideas who are overall so much less competent than he is, and many of them still managed to be very successful because of the desperate need for talent in Chinese life science industry.
Then I thought of people I know who did move back to China and who did build careers that they never even dreamed of themselves. How are their kids now? I wonder. San Francisco Bay Area is not exactly an un-materialistic place, but the major Chinese cities are so materialistic that I do wonder about their influence on young and impressionable minds.
We talked about the biotech companies in San Diego, as he works at one of them which is going through a difficult time. It is unclear what is going to happen to the company, but he's a great scientist and should certainly find another job even if this company does not make it in the end. Speaking of career and family, he is one of those people I know for sure that could be a great success if he is willing to move back to China, because he is not only technically competent, but also a great manager and a terrific people person. However, he has two young kids in San Diego, and for that reason alone he has decided to cope with the under-appreciation for his talent in San Diego. I still have my house in San Diego (rented to a super neat lesbian couple), and now that I have Winston, I realize that San Diego really is an ideal place to raise young children. That's the sacrifice that he has decided to make. It is also possible that he is so humble that he does not realize his potential. I have encountered so many people bragging about their credentials and backgrounds and ideas who are overall so much less competent than he is, and many of them still managed to be very successful because of the desperate need for talent in Chinese life science industry.
Then I thought of people I know who did move back to China and who did build careers that they never even dreamed of themselves. How are their kids now? I wonder. San Francisco Bay Area is not exactly an un-materialistic place, but the major Chinese cities are so materialistic that I do wonder about their influence on young and impressionable minds.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Mystery of Immunology
As a scientist by training, I am frequently frustrated by how little our understanding of disease mechanism still is. Of course, I would not have been so frustrated had I not got a two-year old who seems to be getting sick more often than his peers - or is it just my imagination?
I heard that some kids just never get sick, from the first day they enter daycare which is an incubator of all kinds of nasty germs and viruses. What's the reason? Supposedly some people's immune systems do not mount a response to most of the viruses, and therefore they don't get sick even though they might be carrying the viruses. In that case, it seems "building up the immune system" (the argument for putting Winston in daycare at the tender age of two) is the wrong argument. Winston seems to be a kid with an active immune system (well, his food allergy shows that he's allergic to even harmless nuts). Therefore, shouldn't I have waited until he's three years old with much more robust health and a big vocabulary to start him in school? Presumably by then, he will learn to tell how he feels when he gets sick, which will enable the adults to better treat him. In addition, he will have grown a lot bigger and taller, which might make him stronger overall in health to battle with the germs and viruses when they attack. And hopefully by that time, he will understand instructions on keeping his hands clean or correlations between catching a cold and wearing too little or wearing wet clothes. But who knows the answers anyways, especially since every kid is different genetically?
At times like this, I feel frustrated that there is not enough money going into biomedical research (especially immunology) or drug R&D. I guess I am in the right industry (for me) after all...
I heard that some kids just never get sick, from the first day they enter daycare which is an incubator of all kinds of nasty germs and viruses. What's the reason? Supposedly some people's immune systems do not mount a response to most of the viruses, and therefore they don't get sick even though they might be carrying the viruses. In that case, it seems "building up the immune system" (the argument for putting Winston in daycare at the tender age of two) is the wrong argument. Winston seems to be a kid with an active immune system (well, his food allergy shows that he's allergic to even harmless nuts). Therefore, shouldn't I have waited until he's three years old with much more robust health and a big vocabulary to start him in school? Presumably by then, he will learn to tell how he feels when he gets sick, which will enable the adults to better treat him. In addition, he will have grown a lot bigger and taller, which might make him stronger overall in health to battle with the germs and viruses when they attack. And hopefully by that time, he will understand instructions on keeping his hands clean or correlations between catching a cold and wearing too little or wearing wet clothes. But who knows the answers anyways, especially since every kid is different genetically?
At times like this, I feel frustrated that there is not enough money going into biomedical research (especially immunology) or drug R&D. I guess I am in the right industry (for me) after all...
A Birthday Party
Last weekend, we took Winston to attend a birthday party of a 2-year old girl. The mother is one of the first few people who joined Google. The party was held in the back yard.
Normally Winston does not like to attend parties, as he does not enjoy being confined to a small or enclosed area. I sometimes wonder if he has claustrophobia. This house (or I should say mansion) has a huge front yard and an enormous back yard, complete with a play structure and a rented jumpy house. The couple mingled with the guests while the nanny helped take care of the 2-year old birthday girl, and the caterers served the food. It was all fabulous. Winston had such a terrific time. Afterwards, I told a friend who worked with me on my first startup that even if my second startup turns out to be the success I project (which of course is not a guarantee) I still will not be able make as much money as this friend. Indeed during lunch with another couple of biotech friends, we talked about how tough, capital-intensive and unpredictable our industry is. They wondered aloud why they did not choose a different industry, while I chuckled. I don't wonder about that at all, not because I would not like to make millions, but because I have no fascination with computers or gadgets. I wish that I were as interested in the latest gadgets or the latest web applications as others, so that I could feel that I belong to the younger generation. But I really don't. Therefore, there was NEVER any doubt that I have missed the opportunity to be in the technology or IT industry - I was not endowed with the requisite talent for it.
A friend of mine who's head of research at a local biotech company told me that his son's best friend in school is the son of President of Google. After a couple of play dates at this friend's house, his son came back asking him why they could not have a nice house like that. Not knowing how to respond, my friend told him that if he complains once more about it, he will be sent to sleep in the backyard. He talked about another venture capitalist friend who grew up impoverished in New York city who is now worried that his kids are too spoiled and lack perspective - it is difficult to deny them things when all their friends are getting them, and they cannot say that mommy or daddy can't afford it either. When we live in the area with so much wealth around, how do we address innocent questions from kids, before they lose their innocence?
I guess it is just a matter of time before Winston comes home and asks me why we don't live in a house as nice as his friend's. I had better be ready for an answer by then!
Normally Winston does not like to attend parties, as he does not enjoy being confined to a small or enclosed area. I sometimes wonder if he has claustrophobia. This house (or I should say mansion) has a huge front yard and an enormous back yard, complete with a play structure and a rented jumpy house. The couple mingled with the guests while the nanny helped take care of the 2-year old birthday girl, and the caterers served the food. It was all fabulous. Winston had such a terrific time. Afterwards, I told a friend who worked with me on my first startup that even if my second startup turns out to be the success I project (which of course is not a guarantee) I still will not be able make as much money as this friend. Indeed during lunch with another couple of biotech friends, we talked about how tough, capital-intensive and unpredictable our industry is. They wondered aloud why they did not choose a different industry, while I chuckled. I don't wonder about that at all, not because I would not like to make millions, but because I have no fascination with computers or gadgets. I wish that I were as interested in the latest gadgets or the latest web applications as others, so that I could feel that I belong to the younger generation. But I really don't. Therefore, there was NEVER any doubt that I have missed the opportunity to be in the technology or IT industry - I was not endowed with the requisite talent for it.
A friend of mine who's head of research at a local biotech company told me that his son's best friend in school is the son of President of Google. After a couple of play dates at this friend's house, his son came back asking him why they could not have a nice house like that. Not knowing how to respond, my friend told him that if he complains once more about it, he will be sent to sleep in the backyard. He talked about another venture capitalist friend who grew up impoverished in New York city who is now worried that his kids are too spoiled and lack perspective - it is difficult to deny them things when all their friends are getting them, and they cannot say that mommy or daddy can't afford it either. When we live in the area with so much wealth around, how do we address innocent questions from kids, before they lose their innocence?
I guess it is just a matter of time before Winston comes home and asks me why we don't live in a house as nice as his friend's. I had better be ready for an answer by then!
Middle Age
I turned 40 years old this month. I figure that I ought to write something about it, even though in reality I feel nothing much about it. A friend who turned 40 earlier this year wrote me an encouraging note, "40 is the new 30, and 50 is the new 40."
Indeed perhaps in an unintended way 40 is the new 30, in that I only have a 2-year old son instead of two or three teenagers running around in the house. And maybe by extension, 30 is the new 20 in that it takes so long for young people to launch their careers these days. Well, that is, if you don't include the Silicon Valley technology entrepreneurs who start companies without finishing college.
A friend of mine has three kids, the oldest of whom is almost 28 years old. When this young man lost his job because the job was going to China, he did not think much of it. It has since been almost 2 years and he still has not found anything suitable. 28 is turning out to be the new 18 - implying that unless college graduates go for a professional or graduate degree, it is a very tough job market.
My hairdresser has two sons in college. I asked her what they would be doing during the summer, and she gave this deep sigh. One managed to get 1 day per week at Trader Joe's, and the other one is looking around for jobs at shopping malls. When there was an ad for a local shopping mall, she went over and asked, only to be told that her son need not apply if he did not have "experience".
Another friend in her 30s is working on her PhD thesis. She is often agonized by how long she has been in school because she changed her academic focus in the middle of graduate school. Now, going by the analogy, indeed if she were in her 20s, she would not question herself so much. We are supposed to experiment and explore in our 20s.
The first time I heard of the word "middle age", I thought that it referred to people of my mother's generation, who was in her late 30s then. I remember a very popular Chinese movie entitled "Getting to Middle Age" about a "middle-aged" doctor exhausted by her intense work as well as raising two kids, played by a youthful looking actress Pan Hong, who was about 30 years old at the time.
I guess people's definition of "middle age" has changed.
Indeed perhaps in an unintended way 40 is the new 30, in that I only have a 2-year old son instead of two or three teenagers running around in the house. And maybe by extension, 30 is the new 20 in that it takes so long for young people to launch their careers these days. Well, that is, if you don't include the Silicon Valley technology entrepreneurs who start companies without finishing college.
A friend of mine has three kids, the oldest of whom is almost 28 years old. When this young man lost his job because the job was going to China, he did not think much of it. It has since been almost 2 years and he still has not found anything suitable. 28 is turning out to be the new 18 - implying that unless college graduates go for a professional or graduate degree, it is a very tough job market.
My hairdresser has two sons in college. I asked her what they would be doing during the summer, and she gave this deep sigh. One managed to get 1 day per week at Trader Joe's, and the other one is looking around for jobs at shopping malls. When there was an ad for a local shopping mall, she went over and asked, only to be told that her son need not apply if he did not have "experience".
Another friend in her 30s is working on her PhD thesis. She is often agonized by how long she has been in school because she changed her academic focus in the middle of graduate school. Now, going by the analogy, indeed if she were in her 20s, she would not question herself so much. We are supposed to experiment and explore in our 20s.
The first time I heard of the word "middle age", I thought that it referred to people of my mother's generation, who was in her late 30s then. I remember a very popular Chinese movie entitled "Getting to Middle Age" about a "middle-aged" doctor exhausted by her intense work as well as raising two kids, played by a youthful looking actress Pan Hong, who was about 30 years old at the time.
I guess people's definition of "middle age" has changed.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Stay-Home Mothers vs. Professional Women
I recall feeling dismissive when I heard stay-home mothers say that their jobs were just as hard. Back in the days before Winston, I condescendingly decided that they said that so that they could feel better about themselves.
And how arrogant and ignorant I was! Since Winston's birth, I have come to feel that raising a child is much harder than anything else I have attempted to do. I can start companies, but I can't imagine having more than one kid. Stay-home mothers who have two or three or even more kids in my opinion are just absolute superwomen. Now on the surface it makes no sense since vast majority of the population have kids. Michael said that somehow I was a risk-taker before, but now I am totally not into taking any chances or risks or experimenting with anything regarding Winston.
I have since come to realize that stay-home mothers have a much harder job (at least in my opinion) than professional women, including professional women with kids. In business, if one does not take any risks, one will not have any reward. Risks imply that the outcome could either be success or failure. Smart professional women can take risks, and they weigh the pros and cons of taking those risks. If something fails, or even if a career path fails, one could always start anew. A stay-home mother, on the other hand, does not have a professional life and a separate personal/family life. There is no escape. Regarding raising a child who's one's flesh and blood, failure is not an option (to some extent). Therefore, risk-taking is much harder in that context. In addition, while professional women could always resort to the argument that juggling both career and family is tough and therefore she might have been negligent in some aspects, stay-at-home mothers are NOT juggling a career and family - family is ALL that she has to deal with. And if she makes a bad mistake there, she has no excuse for it - unless there arre several kids to deal with at the same time.
My lesson is that I should never dismiss an opinion until I have some personal experience with the topic itself.
And how arrogant and ignorant I was! Since Winston's birth, I have come to feel that raising a child is much harder than anything else I have attempted to do. I can start companies, but I can't imagine having more than one kid. Stay-home mothers who have two or three or even more kids in my opinion are just absolute superwomen. Now on the surface it makes no sense since vast majority of the population have kids. Michael said that somehow I was a risk-taker before, but now I am totally not into taking any chances or risks or experimenting with anything regarding Winston.
I have since come to realize that stay-home mothers have a much harder job (at least in my opinion) than professional women, including professional women with kids. In business, if one does not take any risks, one will not have any reward. Risks imply that the outcome could either be success or failure. Smart professional women can take risks, and they weigh the pros and cons of taking those risks. If something fails, or even if a career path fails, one could always start anew. A stay-home mother, on the other hand, does not have a professional life and a separate personal/family life. There is no escape. Regarding raising a child who's one's flesh and blood, failure is not an option (to some extent). Therefore, risk-taking is much harder in that context. In addition, while professional women could always resort to the argument that juggling both career and family is tough and therefore she might have been negligent in some aspects, stay-at-home mothers are NOT juggling a career and family - family is ALL that she has to deal with. And if she makes a bad mistake there, she has no excuse for it - unless there arre several kids to deal with at the same time.
My lesson is that I should never dismiss an opinion until I have some personal experience with the topic itself.
An Almost Forgotten Blog
I found the following entry that I was going to post back in May, but Winston came down with a fever right afterwards so I left it there. Now I am posting it here - over 2 months later;;;
The other day, I went over to Google to have lunch with a couple of friends, whose kids are roughly the same age as Winston.
They both commented on how much I ate, which was entirely due to the absolutely delicious food that Google cafe offers (infinitely better than most restaurants in Bay Area). Then our conversation was largely about family and kids - daycare, nannies, in-laws, relatives, future schools, houses, concerns, etc. It was not like that we solved any problems - we just talked. Honestly, the transcript of the conversation could totally qualify as a "mommy's group lunch". So why have I resisted joining any "moms groups"?
I know all too well why. My friends and I might have been talking about only trivial domestic issues during the whole lunch, but we relate to each other and connect on more than just that level. If the reason behind a gathering is to talk about kids related stuff, and there is else that connects me to that group, then I will only want to see these people when I have a kids-related concern. Of course, in real life, once you join a group like that, you should be a good citizen and show up whether or not you have an issue to deal with. And that has deterred me from joining any. There are enough obligations in life and I would rather not increase them.
I feel empathy towards all the mothers out there and I relate (at least I think I do) to their feelings, but I am not interested in joining any mothers' group. I like discussing books and films, but I am not interested in joining any book clubs or film groups. Indeed during our lunch, we could have talked about books, or movies, or work, or some cultural issues instead of kids stuff, and it would have been all spontaneous and natural.
The other day, I went over to Google to have lunch with a couple of friends, whose kids are roughly the same age as Winston.
They both commented on how much I ate, which was entirely due to the absolutely delicious food that Google cafe offers (infinitely better than most restaurants in Bay Area). Then our conversation was largely about family and kids - daycare, nannies, in-laws, relatives, future schools, houses, concerns, etc. It was not like that we solved any problems - we just talked. Honestly, the transcript of the conversation could totally qualify as a "mommy's group lunch". So why have I resisted joining any "moms groups"?
I know all too well why. My friends and I might have been talking about only trivial domestic issues during the whole lunch, but we relate to each other and connect on more than just that level. If the reason behind a gathering is to talk about kids related stuff, and there is else that connects me to that group, then I will only want to see these people when I have a kids-related concern. Of course, in real life, once you join a group like that, you should be a good citizen and show up whether or not you have an issue to deal with. And that has deterred me from joining any. There are enough obligations in life and I would rather not increase them.
I feel empathy towards all the mothers out there and I relate (at least I think I do) to their feelings, but I am not interested in joining any mothers' group. I like discussing books and films, but I am not interested in joining any book clubs or film groups. Indeed during our lunch, we could have talked about books, or movies, or work, or some cultural issues instead of kids stuff, and it would have been all spontaneous and natural.
Seattle
Because Winston has been sick on and off for about 3 months since he started daycare, I have not been in a great mood to write. When I first started this blog, it was meant as a place to store my writing about my leisure travels, as I was such an avid traveler. After Winston's birth, I decided that perhaps this blog would be my journal about Winston, so that I will not forget about the small things and he will one day read them.
In that case I have been terribly delinquent. Winston took the first plane trip to Seattle in May, and I have not even written about it. He had so much fun riding the buses, taking the ferry and sitting in first class cabin on the flight from San Francisco to Seattle. He was singing "Happy Birthday" so much that others started asking us if it was his birthday. We told them that it was his way of telling people that he's really happy. It was an utterly exhausting trip for me and my mom, as Michael decided not to rent a car - my cousin learned about it from my mom, who loves to tell a good story about the trials and tribulations of this trip. We were sightseeing in Seattle by public transportation. Now if it were New York, it would have made perfect sense. Thank goodness no one got sick on that trip, despite the hardships.
While Seattle seems like an attractive place to live for many people, I must say that I know for sure that I will not be happy living there. I like sunshine, and I love summer heat. I find Seattle a bit cold both literally and figuratively speaking.
In that case I have been terribly delinquent. Winston took the first plane trip to Seattle in May, and I have not even written about it. He had so much fun riding the buses, taking the ferry and sitting in first class cabin on the flight from San Francisco to Seattle. He was singing "Happy Birthday" so much that others started asking us if it was his birthday. We told them that it was his way of telling people that he's really happy. It was an utterly exhausting trip for me and my mom, as Michael decided not to rent a car - my cousin learned about it from my mom, who loves to tell a good story about the trials and tribulations of this trip. We were sightseeing in Seattle by public transportation. Now if it were New York, it would have made perfect sense. Thank goodness no one got sick on that trip, despite the hardships.
While Seattle seems like an attractive place to live for many people, I must say that I know for sure that I will not be happy living there. I like sunshine, and I love summer heat. I find Seattle a bit cold both literally and figuratively speaking.
Regrets
I give people the impression that I am a rather vigilant mother. It is a bit like the fact that I give people the impression that I have strong feelings about a lot of things, when in fact I am perhaps just more expressive than others who truly have strong feelings.
The other day, Winston was at home and he had a cold. Somehow I was thinking, "he's two years old now, so perhaps I can try giving him a cashew." So I did. He ate most of it but towards the end decided to spit out the rest. Then his cold symptoms seemed to have worsened with much more coughing and congestion. Then he started scratching his eyes so much and his lips started getting swollen. I finally realized that he had an allergy attack. By the time we rushed him to urgent care, his face was so swollen that it was almost unrecognizable. That image is seared into my memory.
Apparently had I simply googled a little bit, I would have realized that Winston belonged to the high-risk group as his father has seasonal allergy and once had childhood asthma. I should have waited longer or perhaps taken him to see a specialist to get him tested first before trying to feed him a complete cashew. But I did not even spend the minute to google before giving him a cashew. Now that he's got this massive allergy attack, surely his body will remember cashew as a deadly toxin.
I asked a friend of mine whether he thinks it's possible to live a life without regrets, since I do have regrets, the latest of which being that I have "given" my son a life-threatening allergy. He said that it was impossible anyways. Perhaps we often learn from our mistakes or regrets, although we prefer to learn the easy way.
As Confucius said,"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." How I wish that I had simply learned about food allergy by "imitation" (i.e. web search and consultation with some experts)!
The other day, Winston was at home and he had a cold. Somehow I was thinking, "he's two years old now, so perhaps I can try giving him a cashew." So I did. He ate most of it but towards the end decided to spit out the rest. Then his cold symptoms seemed to have worsened with much more coughing and congestion. Then he started scratching his eyes so much and his lips started getting swollen. I finally realized that he had an allergy attack. By the time we rushed him to urgent care, his face was so swollen that it was almost unrecognizable. That image is seared into my memory.
Apparently had I simply googled a little bit, I would have realized that Winston belonged to the high-risk group as his father has seasonal allergy and once had childhood asthma. I should have waited longer or perhaps taken him to see a specialist to get him tested first before trying to feed him a complete cashew. But I did not even spend the minute to google before giving him a cashew. Now that he's got this massive allergy attack, surely his body will remember cashew as a deadly toxin.
I asked a friend of mine whether he thinks it's possible to live a life without regrets, since I do have regrets, the latest of which being that I have "given" my son a life-threatening allergy. He said that it was impossible anyways. Perhaps we often learn from our mistakes or regrets, although we prefer to learn the easy way.
As Confucius said,"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." How I wish that I had simply learned about food allergy by "imitation" (i.e. web search and consultation with some experts)!
Much Ado About Nothing
Somehow I constantly have a feeling of "much ado about nothing". When it comes to deciding whether to send him to daycare at age two, I went back and forth. First, I thought that he had to get some social skills so he ought to go. Then he started getting sick so often that I thought that it was a bad idea. Then at his two year pediatrician's appointment, I was told that he should go to daycare since he is kind of on the anti-social side. Then I heard from others that perhaps at his age being antisocial was the norm as opposed to the exception. Then I heard that two years old was the right time to build immunity. Then I heard that perhaps at age 3 or 4 would be just as fine. I could live with uncertainty and ambiguity in business, but somehow I kept wanting to have the "right" answer to whether or not I ought to start him in daycare.
And if he should start daycare, where should I send him? A Bi-lingual one so that he can have an easier transition? - well, I tried one for two months and he got sick so often and I started questioning the hygiene practice there. In addition, it takes almost 20 minutes to drive there. How about another bi-lingual Montessori school? Well, there is one not far from home, but the director seems really harsh, and the facility seems a bit shabby. How about a play-based preschool with an academic component? That seems fine, although the yard is a bit small and the teacher to kids ratio might not be ideal. But perhaps that one would do. So I signed up for it and was ready to start Winston there on July 5, when I suddenly got a notice from Stanford that Winston got a spot at the daycare center close to our home. In fact, it is within walk-in distance.
That was the first daycare center I visited, and I recall my disappointment comparing it to my own kindergarten in China. Since then I have visited quite a few. When I got the notice that Winston got a spot, I decided to pay another visit. What a surprise! I now found this place the best of all! So naturally I decided to enroll Winston there. He's been there for a week. So far he's been fine, although he is already coming down with another cold, and it is July (not December)!
So there - much ado about nothing. Had I just gone by the original plan of sending him to Stanford daycare at age two, I would have saved myself so much trouble. Yet on the other hand, is it possible that sometimes we have to go the long way to figure out something because this way we can be sure about it being the right path forward? Certainly in business we often have to do that - even if we are sure about something, we sometimes have to let people try an alternative idea first so that they can come to the same conclusion themselves. Such is human nature perhaps. And therefore often what we do in life feels like "much ado about nothing".
And if he should start daycare, where should I send him? A Bi-lingual one so that he can have an easier transition? - well, I tried one for two months and he got sick so often and I started questioning the hygiene practice there. In addition, it takes almost 20 minutes to drive there. How about another bi-lingual Montessori school? Well, there is one not far from home, but the director seems really harsh, and the facility seems a bit shabby. How about a play-based preschool with an academic component? That seems fine, although the yard is a bit small and the teacher to kids ratio might not be ideal. But perhaps that one would do. So I signed up for it and was ready to start Winston there on July 5, when I suddenly got a notice from Stanford that Winston got a spot at the daycare center close to our home. In fact, it is within walk-in distance.
That was the first daycare center I visited, and I recall my disappointment comparing it to my own kindergarten in China. Since then I have visited quite a few. When I got the notice that Winston got a spot, I decided to pay another visit. What a surprise! I now found this place the best of all! So naturally I decided to enroll Winston there. He's been there for a week. So far he's been fine, although he is already coming down with another cold, and it is July (not December)!
So there - much ado about nothing. Had I just gone by the original plan of sending him to Stanford daycare at age two, I would have saved myself so much trouble. Yet on the other hand, is it possible that sometimes we have to go the long way to figure out something because this way we can be sure about it being the right path forward? Certainly in business we often have to do that - even if we are sure about something, we sometimes have to let people try an alternative idea first so that they can come to the same conclusion themselves. Such is human nature perhaps. And therefore often what we do in life feels like "much ado about nothing".
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