Somehow I constantly have a feeling of "much ado about nothing". When it comes to deciding whether to send him to daycare at age two, I went back and forth. First, I thought that he had to get some social skills so he ought to go. Then he started getting sick so often that I thought that it was a bad idea. Then at his two year pediatrician's appointment, I was told that he should go to daycare since he is kind of on the anti-social side. Then I heard from others that perhaps at his age being antisocial was the norm as opposed to the exception. Then I heard that two years old was the right time to build immunity. Then I heard that perhaps at age 3 or 4 would be just as fine. I could live with uncertainty and ambiguity in business, but somehow I kept wanting to have the "right" answer to whether or not I ought to start him in daycare.
And if he should start daycare, where should I send him? A Bi-lingual one so that he can have an easier transition? - well, I tried one for two months and he got sick so often and I started questioning the hygiene practice there. In addition, it takes almost 20 minutes to drive there. How about another bi-lingual Montessori school? Well, there is one not far from home, but the director seems really harsh, and the facility seems a bit shabby. How about a play-based preschool with an academic component? That seems fine, although the yard is a bit small and the teacher to kids ratio might not be ideal. But perhaps that one would do. So I signed up for it and was ready to start Winston there on July 5, when I suddenly got a notice from Stanford that Winston got a spot at the daycare center close to our home. In fact, it is within walk-in distance.
That was the first daycare center I visited, and I recall my disappointment comparing it to my own kindergarten in China. Since then I have visited quite a few. When I got the notice that Winston got a spot, I decided to pay another visit. What a surprise! I now found this place the best of all! So naturally I decided to enroll Winston there. He's been there for a week. So far he's been fine, although he is already coming down with another cold, and it is July (not December)!
So there - much ado about nothing. Had I just gone by the original plan of sending him to Stanford daycare at age two, I would have saved myself so much trouble. Yet on the other hand, is it possible that sometimes we have to go the long way to figure out something because this way we can be sure about it being the right path forward? Certainly in business we often have to do that - even if we are sure about something, we sometimes have to let people try an alternative idea first so that they can come to the same conclusion themselves. Such is human nature perhaps. And therefore often what we do in life feels like "much ado about nothing".
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
More Mistakes!
Less than a week after my mom returned to China, I have realized that it's a mistake to not have full-time live-in help even though Winston is attending daycare full-time (in theory).
First, he was sick from a terrible stomach flu the day after my mom left. Even with both Michael and myself, I felt that it was not enough, and I caught it as well for a day.
Second, even after Winston recovered, Michael told me that this mere week after my mom's departure was making him feel behind in his work, because he had to help with Winston for about an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Of course, the next day, he said that he felt ahead because he just got a new grant.
Third, the part-time nanny selection turned out to be worse than I had anticipated. I figure that I might as well send Winston to daycare 3 days a week, and have a nanny take care of him the other days so that Winston can go to the many parks nearby to get enough exercise and air.
Therefore the new decision is to get a live-in nanny for Tuesday to Saturday and send Winston to daycare 3 days a week - well this nanny will have to be good at housework like cooking and cleaning as well! I will see if I can find anyone satisfactory.
Indeed, as I was commiserating with another friend, I could not see how others can handle more than one kid, since this one alone is making me feel that I am barely able to focus on anything else! - And I am still making more and more mistakes!
First, he was sick from a terrible stomach flu the day after my mom left. Even with both Michael and myself, I felt that it was not enough, and I caught it as well for a day.
Second, even after Winston recovered, Michael told me that this mere week after my mom's departure was making him feel behind in his work, because he had to help with Winston for about an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Of course, the next day, he said that he felt ahead because he just got a new grant.
Third, the part-time nanny selection turned out to be worse than I had anticipated. I figure that I might as well send Winston to daycare 3 days a week, and have a nanny take care of him the other days so that Winston can go to the many parks nearby to get enough exercise and air.
Therefore the new decision is to get a live-in nanny for Tuesday to Saturday and send Winston to daycare 3 days a week - well this nanny will have to be good at housework like cooking and cleaning as well! I will see if I can find anyone satisfactory.
Indeed, as I was commiserating with another friend, I could not see how others can handle more than one kid, since this one alone is making me feel that I am barely able to focus on anything else! - And I am still making more and more mistakes!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Mistakes
I have been feeling that I made a big mistake of starting Winston in daycare at around age 2, ever since he started daycare. Maybe part of the reason is that this place is not exactly that great. Initially the selling point is that it is supposedly bi-lingual. I figured that this way I could ease him into an all-English school later, if necessary.
First of all, he was bored to death at this place, as he is the oldest in his group. Second, the place is so small and the yard so tiny that in terms of physical exercise he is getting perhaps a fraction of what he used to. Third, he has only been able to attend half of the time, because the rest of the time he has been sick at home with either a terrible cold or a severe case of stomach flu, which he still has even at this moment! Now that another preschool has an opening in July, I have decided to switch him there. Of course, even if the hygiene condition there is better, he will still catch more upper respiratory infections there than if he is kept at home.
When I make mistakes, I feel awful. That feeling can in turn cloud my judgment and somehow lead to more mistakes. Today under my watch, Winston fell from the kitchen counter. I should never have allowed him to stand up there, and obviously should have been holding onto him if I did decide to indulge his fascination with kitchen cabinets. All this happened while I was absent-minded due to the search for part-time help.
Should I keep him at home? Or should I continue to send him to daycare? I wish that there could be a right answer out there.
At the end of the day, perhaps as one of my friends said, any of these choices is fine for his sake, while perhaps none of them is perfect. Maybe seeking the "right answer" in reality is a pursuit of perfection, which in itself is a mistake.
First of all, he was bored to death at this place, as he is the oldest in his group. Second, the place is so small and the yard so tiny that in terms of physical exercise he is getting perhaps a fraction of what he used to. Third, he has only been able to attend half of the time, because the rest of the time he has been sick at home with either a terrible cold or a severe case of stomach flu, which he still has even at this moment! Now that another preschool has an opening in July, I have decided to switch him there. Of course, even if the hygiene condition there is better, he will still catch more upper respiratory infections there than if he is kept at home.
When I make mistakes, I feel awful. That feeling can in turn cloud my judgment and somehow lead to more mistakes. Today under my watch, Winston fell from the kitchen counter. I should never have allowed him to stand up there, and obviously should have been holding onto him if I did decide to indulge his fascination with kitchen cabinets. All this happened while I was absent-minded due to the search for part-time help.
Should I keep him at home? Or should I continue to send him to daycare? I wish that there could be a right answer out there.
At the end of the day, perhaps as one of my friends said, any of these choices is fine for his sake, while perhaps none of them is perfect. Maybe seeking the "right answer" in reality is a pursuit of perfection, which in itself is a mistake.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The Blues
My mom left to go back to Beijing this morning. The sky is gray outside, and it is rainy, windy and chilly. Or maybe the weather is not really that bad, but it just feels so to me.
The two months went by so quickly from the day my mom arrived. At the beginning I was concentrating on getting her familiarized with everything, and getting ready for my business trip. Once I came back, Winston was suffering from a bad cold and it took a whole week for him to recover. Then he had his two weeks of daycare, followed by another two weeks of illness. We took a 3-day trip to Seattle during Michael's conference, and it was utterly exhausting for everyone - maybe with the exception of Winston.
So two months went by quickly, and I don't have any sense of accomplishment over the two months. I am still questioning the wisdom of sending Winston to daycare at such an early age. I am still wondering if I should keep sending him to this place until the end of June, when I will be switching him to another place. The work front is moving slowly, which is frustrating. I still have to find domestic help and I never doing that. All in all, it's as if the past two months went by without serving the purpose of transitioning Winston to daycare where he can learn things that he otherwise cannot easily learn at home. My planning was obviously highly flawed.
Looking out of the window, I am feeling the blues.
The two months went by so quickly from the day my mom arrived. At the beginning I was concentrating on getting her familiarized with everything, and getting ready for my business trip. Once I came back, Winston was suffering from a bad cold and it took a whole week for him to recover. Then he had his two weeks of daycare, followed by another two weeks of illness. We took a 3-day trip to Seattle during Michael's conference, and it was utterly exhausting for everyone - maybe with the exception of Winston.
So two months went by quickly, and I don't have any sense of accomplishment over the two months. I am still questioning the wisdom of sending Winston to daycare at such an early age. I am still wondering if I should keep sending him to this place until the end of June, when I will be switching him to another place. The work front is moving slowly, which is frustrating. I still have to find domestic help and I never doing that. All in all, it's as if the past two months went by without serving the purpose of transitioning Winston to daycare where he can learn things that he otherwise cannot easily learn at home. My planning was obviously highly flawed.
Looking out of the window, I am feeling the blues.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Taking Care of Ourselves First
One of my friends once wisely told me, "the only way for us to take good care of others is to take care of ourselves first."
She spoke from personal experience. When I reflect on her words, I think I understand them more than I can communicate with words here. Sometimes, when we do things because we feel we must do them as otherwise we will feel bad, or when we don't do things because we think we should not do them, we end up accumulating stress to a point that we lose perspective on what is most important. We end up losing temper over trifles, which in any case would be a silly thing to do. But had we pampered ourselves without the obvious connection to "preventing a bad outcome that no one had the crystal ball to foresee), we could not possibly defend it with vigorous reasoning in advance.
Hence the vicious cycle. When we finally realized that we should have stuck to our grounds on certain things that would meet our needs, the bad consequence already occurred.
Therefore, no wonder most people don't do it, because it is really difficult to practice it. Guilt, self-doubt, uncertainty or just plain wishful thinking that perhaps things would turn out okay even if the odds were against it make us victims on multiple fronts.
Can I manage to be a slightly wiser woman after listening to my friend, without having to go through the same experience she did to gain that wisdom?
She spoke from personal experience. When I reflect on her words, I think I understand them more than I can communicate with words here. Sometimes, when we do things because we feel we must do them as otherwise we will feel bad, or when we don't do things because we think we should not do them, we end up accumulating stress to a point that we lose perspective on what is most important. We end up losing temper over trifles, which in any case would be a silly thing to do. But had we pampered ourselves without the obvious connection to "preventing a bad outcome that no one had the crystal ball to foresee), we could not possibly defend it with vigorous reasoning in advance.
Hence the vicious cycle. When we finally realized that we should have stuck to our grounds on certain things that would meet our needs, the bad consequence already occurred.
Therefore, no wonder most people don't do it, because it is really difficult to practice it. Guilt, self-doubt, uncertainty or just plain wishful thinking that perhaps things would turn out okay even if the odds were against it make us victims on multiple fronts.
Can I manage to be a slightly wiser woman after listening to my friend, without having to go through the same experience she did to gain that wisdom?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Teachers
William Arthur Ward once said, "The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires."
For most of us, the teachers in our lives consist of not only teachers from school, but also our family and friends as well as books and other forms of media, as we intuitively and sub-consciously learn from the context in which we live.
It must be difficult to be a parent, as a parent is the single most important teacher to the child. However, as I ponder over the role of teaching, I cannot help but want to modify the observation from Ward. After all, we need teachers who tell as it is when necessary, who explain when we are puzzled, who demonstrate the personal values and principles, and who can inspire us to do great things when we are ready for such inspiration. We need teachers that cover the entire gamut.
For most of us, the teachers in our lives consist of not only teachers from school, but also our family and friends as well as books and other forms of media, as we intuitively and sub-consciously learn from the context in which we live.
It must be difficult to be a parent, as a parent is the single most important teacher to the child. However, as I ponder over the role of teaching, I cannot help but want to modify the observation from Ward. After all, we need teachers who tell as it is when necessary, who explain when we are puzzled, who demonstrate the personal values and principles, and who can inspire us to do great things when we are ready for such inspiration. We need teachers that cover the entire gamut.
Beautiful Days
The weather has been so nice lately. On the drive on HWY 280, I cannot help but admire the rolling green hills. At times like this, I do understand why it is so expensive to live in this area.
Since Winston started daycare, my mom has more time in the day. She will go back to Beijing at the end of this month, and therefore I am trying to take her to various places for sightseeing and for meals. She is not exactly too adventurous when it comes to foreign cuisines, but she likes Italian and Korean food.
Yesterday we walked from home to the Stanford Dish, and we both enjoyed the panoramic view from the top of the hill. Today we are going to get Korean food. Sometimes when I wake up before dawn because Winston made some noises, I would suddenly have all the fears in my life rush into my brain at the same time, one of which would be about my mom. She is getting old, with lower energy level, less physical and mental capacity overall. One of my fears would be the tremendous guilt I would feel after my mother's death, to think that I have not done enough for her, and to recall the times when I could have made her really happy with just a little more effort.
Is it possible to live a life without any regret or guilt?
Since Winston started daycare, my mom has more time in the day. She will go back to Beijing at the end of this month, and therefore I am trying to take her to various places for sightseeing and for meals. She is not exactly too adventurous when it comes to foreign cuisines, but she likes Italian and Korean food.
Yesterday we walked from home to the Stanford Dish, and we both enjoyed the panoramic view from the top of the hill. Today we are going to get Korean food. Sometimes when I wake up before dawn because Winston made some noises, I would suddenly have all the fears in my life rush into my brain at the same time, one of which would be about my mom. She is getting old, with lower energy level, less physical and mental capacity overall. One of my fears would be the tremendous guilt I would feel after my mother's death, to think that I have not done enough for her, and to recall the times when I could have made her really happy with just a little more effort.
Is it possible to live a life without any regret or guilt?
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