Since my mom arrived over a week ago, she has been complaining that I am too intense and impatient. I remind her that I am just like her when she was younger.
She said that in her entire life, the happiest time has been after her retirement. She did not like exams, so school was not too much fun for her. After she graduated from college, it was Cultural Revolution and she was sent to destitute countryside. As a single mother with two kids and a full-time job, life was constantly very stressful for her. Then my grandparents started to get old and sick one after the other.
Indeed when I think about my mom's life, I have to agree with her that the happiest time has been after her retirement. Now that she's overall healthy, she's able to do some part-time tutoring to keep herself mentally active, as well as enjoy herself with various activities with her friends. She's not a sentimental person by nature, and therefore spending time with her only grandson has never been top of the agenda. But she is always willing to help me if I need her help, and hence her visiting for two months during Winston's transition from home to daycare.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Scheduling
I am about to head to China and my business partner mentioned that perhaps I should extend my trip so that we could meet with some additional people, or I should go back to China soon afterwards.
Obviously it's a lot of trouble to make another trip across the pacific ocean. But I have got Winston on schedule to start his Mandarin immersion daycare right after I come back. My mom said that we could always delay starting him for a few days if I had to be out for a bit longer. Then I thought of checking with Michael on his travel schedule, and it turned out that he would be leaving for Boston right after I come back from China. And then he will take another trip to New York and Lake Tahoe. He and I need a personal assistant to organize our calendars or else one of these days we may both be going somewhere with Winston the only person at home!
It is impossible to imagine modern life without Outlook calendars... And when Winston starts school, he will have a calendar of his own as well! We are all becoming slaves to our schedules! :)
Obviously it's a lot of trouble to make another trip across the pacific ocean. But I have got Winston on schedule to start his Mandarin immersion daycare right after I come back. My mom said that we could always delay starting him for a few days if I had to be out for a bit longer. Then I thought of checking with Michael on his travel schedule, and it turned out that he would be leaving for Boston right after I come back from China. And then he will take another trip to New York and Lake Tahoe. He and I need a personal assistant to organize our calendars or else one of these days we may both be going somewhere with Winston the only person at home!
It is impossible to imagine modern life without Outlook calendars... And when Winston starts school, he will have a calendar of his own as well! We are all becoming slaves to our schedules! :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
Chatterbox
Winston is talking non-stop now! He's constructing creative sentences left and right and I am afraid that I will forget about all his innovative speeches!
Of course, his verbal ability would impress perhaps only those closest to him. Otherwise, no one would find the following sentences amazing (in Chinese):
"Daddy's bottle has water so I can't grab."
"The switch is dangerous so I can't touch."
"What is grandma doing?"
And he loves the Curious George series, and would always say "Curious George" with such an adorable baby accent.
And of course, he is constantly laughing his head off. When I commented that he would be a leader in the future because he could get along with people, my mom contradicted that he would perhaps be a comedian instead.
Indeed his sense of humor is simply astonishing. I would not mind him being a comedian. That will be a great career!
Of course, his verbal ability would impress perhaps only those closest to him. Otherwise, no one would find the following sentences amazing (in Chinese):
"Daddy's bottle has water so I can't grab."
"The switch is dangerous so I can't touch."
"What is grandma doing?"
And he loves the Curious George series, and would always say "Curious George" with such an adorable baby accent.
And of course, he is constantly laughing his head off. When I commented that he would be a leader in the future because he could get along with people, my mom contradicted that he would perhaps be a comedian instead.
Indeed his sense of humor is simply astonishing. I would not mind him being a comedian. That will be a great career!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Originality
Today was a sunny and beautiful day. In the late afternoon after Winston's long siesta (and mine as well as I was so utterly exhausted) my mom and I took Winston to Elizabeth Gamble garden for a stroll. Looking at the flowers, feeling the breezy air and bathing in the soft late afternoon sunshine, I felt a wave of relaxation and joy, after a whole week of preparation for my mom to take over while I am gone to China for my business trip next week. I sometimes would wake up up feeling anxious and guilty about leaving Winston behind, and even more anxious and guilty about sending him to daycare upon my return from China. But somehow this stroll in the garden really relaxed me and made me feel that life was good.
Michael said that what he likes about me is my originality. But I am totally unoriginal - I went to the famous schools and majored in something as pedestrian as chemistry, so there is nothing original about my education. I worked for some well-known companies - again nothing original. I started a company adopting a sensible business model creating next-generation therapeutics, instead of founding a company with bleeding-edge technology working on novel targets - so even my entrepreneurial efforts belong to the most "risk-adverse" types out there, instead of blue sky concepts. Regarding how to raise Winston, I pretty much follow whatever I have been told/advised, and have never attempted anything original. I would admit that I did once harbor a dream of spending every single Thanksgiving holiday outside of the United States to avoid the horrific turkey meal and to have some exotic fun, but I can now see that I will never hear the end of complaints from not only Winston but also other well-meaning family and friends for denying Winston the quintessential American experience. So there - the only thing that may be original about me is not going to happen either.
So many people told me that it would be bad for Winston's development if I kept him at home for much longer. So of course, without much originality, I decided to cave in and send him to daycare around the age of 2. Yes, he is a bit pampered at home because he's still fed his dinner and put to his crib for sleep, although I like to think that I do try to enforce discipline. At daycare, he will have to go hungry and maybe thirsty for a few days and feel extraordinarily frustrated for not being understood (he speaks a lot in Chinese but his baby accent is not always easily understood even by me).
Now that my trip is happening soon, and Winston's first day of daycare will happen right after I come back from China, I have felt more and more anxiety about both leaving him behind and sending him to daycare right afterward. Am I a particularly selfish mother? Or is it because I am so unoriginal that I always end up doing what everyone else does even when I initially don't feel like it?
Originality, I think, is a luxury that most of us cannot afford.
Michael said that what he likes about me is my originality. But I am totally unoriginal - I went to the famous schools and majored in something as pedestrian as chemistry, so there is nothing original about my education. I worked for some well-known companies - again nothing original. I started a company adopting a sensible business model creating next-generation therapeutics, instead of founding a company with bleeding-edge technology working on novel targets - so even my entrepreneurial efforts belong to the most "risk-adverse" types out there, instead of blue sky concepts. Regarding how to raise Winston, I pretty much follow whatever I have been told/advised, and have never attempted anything original. I would admit that I did once harbor a dream of spending every single Thanksgiving holiday outside of the United States to avoid the horrific turkey meal and to have some exotic fun, but I can now see that I will never hear the end of complaints from not only Winston but also other well-meaning family and friends for denying Winston the quintessential American experience. So there - the only thing that may be original about me is not going to happen either.
So many people told me that it would be bad for Winston's development if I kept him at home for much longer. So of course, without much originality, I decided to cave in and send him to daycare around the age of 2. Yes, he is a bit pampered at home because he's still fed his dinner and put to his crib for sleep, although I like to think that I do try to enforce discipline. At daycare, he will have to go hungry and maybe thirsty for a few days and feel extraordinarily frustrated for not being understood (he speaks a lot in Chinese but his baby accent is not always easily understood even by me).
Now that my trip is happening soon, and Winston's first day of daycare will happen right after I come back from China, I have felt more and more anxiety about both leaving him behind and sending him to daycare right afterward. Am I a particularly selfish mother? Or is it because I am so unoriginal that I always end up doing what everyone else does even when I initially don't feel like it?
Originality, I think, is a luxury that most of us cannot afford.
A Playdate
Today my mom and I took Winston to Foster City at a friend's place for a play date. In theory, it was a play date for Winston's generation, as he got to be with other kids who are just a bit older than he is. Yes, he's still the youngest so far at any play dates.
But in reality, it was a play date for my generation as well, as I chatted with my friends who work in the internet and pharmaceutical industries. It is always so refreshing and interesting to learn about other people's work and life. I find it fascinating.
And it was a play date for the grandparents generation. Besides my mom, there were 5 other grandparents all from China. They chatted about their stuff I assume, which is perhaps as interesting to me as what I chatted with my friends is to Winston.
So we all had our play dates, and it was so much fun, and the food was so good as well.
But in reality, it was a play date for my generation as well, as I chatted with my friends who work in the internet and pharmaceutical industries. It is always so refreshing and interesting to learn about other people's work and life. I find it fascinating.
And it was a play date for the grandparents generation. Besides my mom, there were 5 other grandparents all from China. They chatted about their stuff I assume, which is perhaps as interesting to me as what I chatted with my friends is to Winston.
So we all had our play dates, and it was so much fun, and the food was so good as well.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Elizabeth Taylor and Geraldine Ferraro
This past week, both Elizabeth Taylor and Geraldine Ferraro passed away. While they seem to have nothing in common in real life, I can't help but think of them together in the context of feminist movement.
I am not a fan of the feminist movement, paradoxically because I am a proponent of the feminist ideals, which in my opinion have not been served by the radical feminist movement.
Elizabeth Taylor never claimed to have been a feminist, but she made her own ostentatious feminist statement by marrying seven husbands in eight marriages, and by essentially doing whatever she felt like doing, which often bordered on the vulgar. As she famously said, "I know that I am vulgar. But would you have me any other way?" Geraldine Ferraro was a product of the ultra-feminist movement which put more emphasis on style over substance. She admitted that she would never have been the Democratic vice president nominee had she not been a woman, but I guess she never accepted that an easy nomination due to one's gender would lead to a difficult campaign due to one's gender. Hillary Clinton had more legitimate reasons to feel bitter than Geraldine Ferraro.
Ultimately, the true lesson in life is that life is never meant to be fair. You make the best out of what you have and that is all. True - that lesson runs so counter to what we all learned in school growing up. But perhaps that is why so many people were then shocked or disillusioned at some point, with some learning the harsh lessons and moving on, and some staying in a state of denial and bitterness.
To some extent, while I am not a fan of either Elizabeth Taylor or Geraldine Ferraro, I admire Elizabeth Taylor's brutal honesty about what she was and how she got where she was. She did not pretend that it was her talent that led to her celebrity status, unlike some of the modern day actors and actresses. She assumed loss of privacy as part of the celebrity package, unlike some of the modern day celebrities.
In a way, perhaps what I dislike about the radical feminist movement is the fact that they embrace inequality when it suits their purpose, and cry out loud when it does not.
Maybe in the wake of the death of Elizabeth Taylor and Geraldine Ferraro, we should all remember that if we accept good things we don't deserve, we should gracefully accept bad things we don't deserve as well, and move on.
I am not a fan of the feminist movement, paradoxically because I am a proponent of the feminist ideals, which in my opinion have not been served by the radical feminist movement.
Elizabeth Taylor never claimed to have been a feminist, but she made her own ostentatious feminist statement by marrying seven husbands in eight marriages, and by essentially doing whatever she felt like doing, which often bordered on the vulgar. As she famously said, "I know that I am vulgar. But would you have me any other way?" Geraldine Ferraro was a product of the ultra-feminist movement which put more emphasis on style over substance. She admitted that she would never have been the Democratic vice president nominee had she not been a woman, but I guess she never accepted that an easy nomination due to one's gender would lead to a difficult campaign due to one's gender. Hillary Clinton had more legitimate reasons to feel bitter than Geraldine Ferraro.
Ultimately, the true lesson in life is that life is never meant to be fair. You make the best out of what you have and that is all. True - that lesson runs so counter to what we all learned in school growing up. But perhaps that is why so many people were then shocked or disillusioned at some point, with some learning the harsh lessons and moving on, and some staying in a state of denial and bitterness.
To some extent, while I am not a fan of either Elizabeth Taylor or Geraldine Ferraro, I admire Elizabeth Taylor's brutal honesty about what she was and how she got where she was. She did not pretend that it was her talent that led to her celebrity status, unlike some of the modern day actors and actresses. She assumed loss of privacy as part of the celebrity package, unlike some of the modern day celebrities.
In a way, perhaps what I dislike about the radical feminist movement is the fact that they embrace inequality when it suits their purpose, and cry out loud when it does not.
Maybe in the wake of the death of Elizabeth Taylor and Geraldine Ferraro, we should all remember that if we accept good things we don't deserve, we should gracefully accept bad things we don't deserve as well, and move on.
Friday, March 18, 2011
The End of "Life with a Live-in Nanny"
I am perhaps a very demanding boss both at home and at work. One of my friends pointed out wisely that being demanding and getting things done seemed to go hand in hand.
As Winston grows up so fast, I am beginning to feel the pressure from everywhere to send him to daycare to be exposed to other kids. Honestly if I were completely satisfied with Winston's nanny, I would have probably postponed the decision. But hey, I am a demanding boss which means that I am not easily satisfied. It's very likely that he will get a spot at the Stanford daycare place which is only 5 minutes away. But I fret over the fact that he is so verbal in Chinese now without any understanding of English. Therefore, when I heard about a Chinese immersion daycare in Sunnyvale I immediately went to take a look. Again, as a demanding person, I did not find it too satisfying. But it may be Winston's chance to transition into an English-speaking world and into daycare setting, so I decided to give it a try. Then the question was when I would start him.
The nanny was pretty good for the first couple of months. I guess as time goes on, all relationships would expose people's weaknesses and shortcomings and no one can make effort forever beyond what she would rather do. As I am taking a business trip to Shanghai, I fretted over whether she would do a good job or not when I was gone. Finally I decided that I would fly my mom over, let the nanny go, and then start Winston in daycare after I come back from China.
I told her right after I bought the ticket for my mom on March 6, and I said that I would prefer that she starts a new job after March 20. First, she was so unhappy that I was letting her go. Then she complained that it was not enough time to find a good job by end of March. So I told her that she could stay until April 15.
Some of my friends were surprised at how long I am letting the transition period to go, as obviously she would not focus on doing the best job right now. That's the reason why many Chinese families let the nannies go immediately with just an extra week of pay. It sounds cruel, but I guess the lack of trust is really the issue here. As a result most nannies would also leave a job with hardly any notice. It goes both ways.
Well, I was proven to be perhaps "too nice" in the end. She told me yesterday that she might go on Saturday to try out at a family, and I said sure. Then 2 hours later, she said that the family said that there was no need for a try-out and she should just start the next day. No wonder many families don't give the nanny an advanced notice! Now I am stuck with Winston for a week before my mom arrives!
She left this morning, and I realized that perhaps this spelled the end of my life with a live-in nanny. I will still have to find domestic help, but I no longer need a live-in nanny. It is an odd sense of liberation.
As Winston grows up so fast, I am beginning to feel the pressure from everywhere to send him to daycare to be exposed to other kids. Honestly if I were completely satisfied with Winston's nanny, I would have probably postponed the decision. But hey, I am a demanding boss which means that I am not easily satisfied. It's very likely that he will get a spot at the Stanford daycare place which is only 5 minutes away. But I fret over the fact that he is so verbal in Chinese now without any understanding of English. Therefore, when I heard about a Chinese immersion daycare in Sunnyvale I immediately went to take a look. Again, as a demanding person, I did not find it too satisfying. But it may be Winston's chance to transition into an English-speaking world and into daycare setting, so I decided to give it a try. Then the question was when I would start him.
The nanny was pretty good for the first couple of months. I guess as time goes on, all relationships would expose people's weaknesses and shortcomings and no one can make effort forever beyond what she would rather do. As I am taking a business trip to Shanghai, I fretted over whether she would do a good job or not when I was gone. Finally I decided that I would fly my mom over, let the nanny go, and then start Winston in daycare after I come back from China.
I told her right after I bought the ticket for my mom on March 6, and I said that I would prefer that she starts a new job after March 20. First, she was so unhappy that I was letting her go. Then she complained that it was not enough time to find a good job by end of March. So I told her that she could stay until April 15.
Some of my friends were surprised at how long I am letting the transition period to go, as obviously she would not focus on doing the best job right now. That's the reason why many Chinese families let the nannies go immediately with just an extra week of pay. It sounds cruel, but I guess the lack of trust is really the issue here. As a result most nannies would also leave a job with hardly any notice. It goes both ways.
Well, I was proven to be perhaps "too nice" in the end. She told me yesterday that she might go on Saturday to try out at a family, and I said sure. Then 2 hours later, she said that the family said that there was no need for a try-out and she should just start the next day. No wonder many families don't give the nanny an advanced notice! Now I am stuck with Winston for a week before my mom arrives!
She left this morning, and I realized that perhaps this spelled the end of my life with a live-in nanny. I will still have to find domestic help, but I no longer need a live-in nanny. It is an odd sense of liberation.
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